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02 May 2003 @ 10:35 pm
It's late...  
...and I am very stupid.

In the drinking, depress-o girl way. Spent most of the day obsessing, in stray moments, about a possible, perceived slight that I may or may not have inflicted on others. The tiniest possible slight, if so, and yet I can't stop wondering: have I offended them? do they think I'm a shmuck?

I was going to work, work, work today, but then there were meetings and stuff, and it turned into a typical Friday. Was going to see X-Men with anaxila and her S.O., but they were sold out. So came home, dicked around, and eventually watched Igby Goes Down. A very cold film, with that Catcher in the Rye sensibility. Cute kid as the lead. It's just the type of film I should like, but I don't think it ever gelled. I cried, though. Still, I cry at VISA commercials, for fuck's sake. I cry for the angst of Coca-Cola. Enculturation sucks.

Last night I watched Two Weeks Notice, which does not seem to have an apostrophe. Sandra Bullock--and, note, Bullock is a stupid name. I feel rather sorry for her, except in the way of totally not caring, because the kids in her grade school probably had no idea that "Bullock" was the kind of name you could mock a person for. I watched this movie in the wrong aspect ratio, not yet having figured out how to set my DVD player correctly. Tonight, I kicked the ass of Toshiba technology. Got that straightened out. Anyway. Hugh Grant: bad hair, from what I could tell, from the weird distorted angle. But it was cute, fun, because the actors were strangely friendly and relaxed, as if they were mildly high all the time. I think that in fact it must take a hell of a lot of effort to look that relaxed when you're working in front of dozens of people.

I could be wrong. Sometimes, with writing, it just flows. Other times it's a huge effort, and you achieve things you didn't mean to achieve, by accident instead of design.

I am so alone and bored tonight. I am always alone, often bored. I will probably go rent more movies and kill the rest of this pint.

I wish I could put my fist through a wall. That seems like it would signify a lot. Sudden rage: fist through a wall! And then a big hole that I'd have to explain to my landlord.

Speaking of which, must try to remember to pay rent. I have the money. Am just scattered and dim with the money thing. This month: lots of late fees. Because I am disorganized, not because I lack money. Hate my own stupidity.

Rather hate everything. Living is a skill, one I don't have.


 
 
 
rubywisp: by karenbearrubywisp on May 2nd, 2003 11:01 pm (UTC)
::smooches::, just because it seems you could use them.
flaming june_flaming_june_ on May 2nd, 2003 11:45 pm (UTC)
Spent most of the day obsessing, in stray moments, about a possible, perceived slight that I may or may not have inflicted on others. The tiniest possible slight, if so, and yet I can't stop wondering: have I offended them? do they think I'm a shmuck?

You haven't offended me, and I don't think you're a schmuck. Though I doubt I'm the one you were concerned about. ;-)

Hope tomorrow is better for you. xo
Karenauntyk on May 3rd, 2003 12:27 am (UTC)
((((((Hug)))))
you cause you deserve it.

That seems like it would signify a lot. Sudden rage: fist through a wall! And then a big hole that I'd have to explain to my landlord.

And probably a broken knuckle.bone or two. Beat a pillow, doesn't have quite the same satisfying crunch but it's cheaper on your wallet.
(((hug you))) cause no one can have enough hugs

smoochies :)


Caille: shirleycaille on May 3rd, 2003 12:41 am (UTC)
I confess to inexplicable delayage of the payment of bills. It's like looking at a slow motion, low speed, multiple vehicle fender bender in commute traffic. I'm all "Oh no!" but it feels like there's nothing I can do but watch helplessly. And that is totally not true.

PS: I think you are in the clear about possible slights. Have you noticed that one of your recents posts has (at 12:45 am on May 3) 67 comments? And I don't think you are being yelled at in any of them. Sixty-freakin-seven.

Let's both pay our rent before this day is gone. (I haven't done it yet either. Baffling, yet not.)
snoopygirllsnoopygirll on May 3rd, 2003 01:52 am (UTC)
K'ung Fu tsze say: It is not you but your actions that are stupid;

of course Forrest Gump said: Stupid is as stupid does;

so take your pick. ;-)
peasant_ on May 3rd, 2003 03:09 am (UTC)
I grow scared how closely your life seems to be mirroring my own - your recent list of kinks corresponded to more of my own buttons than I care to admit and now this. Perhaps we really are going in for thought transference and the reason we are both in an inexplicable filthy mood is I'm annoyed by your shit and you're annoyed by mine.

It's a theory.

If it turns out you do have my crap then please feel free to keep it. As for bills - standing orders are the only way to go, what else are we paying the bloody banks for?

Let's now see if we can set up some sort of transatlantic synchronised wall-thumping - could become the latest thing.
Herself_nycherself_nyc on May 3rd, 2003 08:17 am (UTC)
I offer a sympathetic such-is-life sigh.

This too shall pass.