1. What color are your kitchen plates?
This seems to imply that I have a set and that they match. Ha ha ha. I have two plates. One is green. One is blue.

2. What book(s) are you reading now?
microserfs; Drinking: A Love Story.

3. What's on your mouse pad?
I don't use one, but I own some: DTWOF (Dykes to Watch Out For); and a Maine lighthouse. Another is plain, but I've drawn a cup of coffee on it.

4. Favorite Board Game?
Scrabble.

5. Favorite Magazine?
Architectural Digest.

6. Favorite smell(s)?
Sizzling garlic, cut grass on a mild day, Old Spice, Chanel No. 5, gardenias, gas fumes, chlorinated pools, freshly watered plants, garden dirt, pine sap, vine-ripened tomatos, band-aids.

7. Least favorite smell(s)?
Let's not go there.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
"Is there any way I can possibly justify staying home today?"

9. Favorite Colors:
Twilight colors. Greys. Smeared sunset palettes. Blue-greens. Those pinkish, purple, and cream blends on the inside of seashells. Pine green.

10. Least favorite color(s):
Hot pink. Bright yellows and oranges. Lime. Purple.

11. How many rings before you answer the phone?
I don't answer the phone. I don't turn my phone on.

12. Future child's name?
Whose child? Mine? Are you on crack?

13. What is most important in life?
Alcohol, self-abuse, and vampires. No...wait. Sleep, chocolate, and my water-pik. No, wait. These answers don't seem right. Skip.

14. Of all the possible circles of Hell, which are you most likely to be assigned to?
I don't know. I commit all venal sins. Probably one where they don't let me sleep.

15. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate.

16. Do you like to drive fast?
Who doesn't?

17. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Yes. My dog was preserved by taxidermy, and we're very close.

18. Storms: cool or scary?
Storms, yay.

19. What was your first car?
A station wagon the size of a boat, which I drove into everyone else's cars.

20. If you could meet one person dead or alive, who would it be?
I'm tired of this question. It should be banned from memes for all time.

21. Favorite alcoholic drink?
Canadian Mist and Coke.

22. What is your sign and your birthday?
I'm an Aquarius. The other is a loosely guarded secret.

23. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
No. I pile them behind my couch and let them exist according to the principles of democracy and self-determination.

24. If you could have any job, what would it be?
To write anything, at any time, that caught my fancy.

25. If you could have any hair color, what would it be?
Fruit-colored. Pick a fruit.

26. Have you ever been in love?
Not especially.

27. Is the glass half-full or half-empty?
Someone took my glass.

28. Favorite movie?
I don't remember. It was that one with the guy in it.

29. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
Yes.

30. What's under your bed?
Carpeting. Bodies. Porn.

31. What is your favorite number(s)?
The numbers in my bank account.

32. Favorite sport to watch?
Is "men having sex in my head" a sport?

33. What is your single biggest fear?
No, because if I say, my imaginary stalker will take note of this and inflict it on me. Hey, wait--maybe it's stalkers.

34. Favorite song?
You're breaking my head with these questions! Stop it!

35. Favorite TV show(s)?
The usual.

36. Ketchup or mustard?
Mustard.

37. Hamburgers or Hot Dogs?
Burgers.

38. Favorite Soft Drink?
Caffeine Free Diet Coke.

39. The best places you have ever been?
In Maine, sitting on a rock, sniffing the ocean.

40. What screen saver is on your computer right now?
Those pipes.

41. Burger King or McDonalds?
McDonalds.

42. Do you know someone right now that you could fall in love with?
No.

43. What did you do yesterday?
Worked. Drank. Slept. Brooded.

44. What's your favorite food?
Live spiders, bleach, melted paper-clips.

45. Where do you see yourself in twenty years?
Cancerous, impoverished, dead.

46. If you had the choice of any superhero power to possess, what would it be?
The power of stealing things and getting away with it.

47. What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?
Too many to count, most of which I've mentioned here before.

48. Who is your favorite classical composer?
Mozart.

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