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09 April 2011 @ 02:12 pm
from the city of gulls  
I'm sorry I'm not posting more. My energy level dropped quite a bit and I haven't been feeling tip-top. On a particularly bad day I got worked up and crosshatched the back of my left wrist with cuticle clippers; not typical and not serious, and overall not a particularly constructive response to frustration. My case manager at the shelter helped me get an appointment for a psych assessment, despite some limitations in my benefits, so it looks as if I'll finally have a psychiatrist. I'm meeting with him on Tuesday.

Meanwhile I've been working on housing program applications and trying to maintain equilibrium. I'm having trouble concentrating on anything that requires diligent or sustained brain activity--which is most of the reason why I haven't been posting, I guess.

My current roommate makes me a little nutty and this morning tried to show me a bedbug bite. She thinks they've finally found there way to our section of the building. If true, I'm just going to faceplant and smother myself in my pillow. Well, no. I won't. But I'm tired of the shelter. The wasted half-days trapped and trying to fill time; the soul-crushing bath and shower rooms; every bowel movement a public event; every shower a big production of flip-flops and plastic bags (to avoid any item I own touching any mold-covered, body-fluid-covered, ostentatiously smeared and germ-covered surface) and storklike balance to undress and dress again without touching walls or floor (my diabetic roommate has developed a severe and debilitating case of what might or might not be athlete's foot--oozing sores, crippling pain).

Wow, I'm a downer. I did capture observational notes that are much more dispassionate and interesting, but haven't gotten around to making them truly readable.

I'm prodding myself to post this despite the mood of these words, just wanting to echo a hello hello to anyone reading this.
caiathisficklemob on April 9th, 2011 09:44 pm (UTC)
Hello hello.

I don't blame you for being tired of the shelter. It doesn't sound conducive to restoring mental equilibrium at all.
Hepcat: dean readsnwhepcat on April 9th, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
Hey, hello back. I've been thinking of you and sending good thoughts out to the universe on your behalf. I hope things improve, you find the right balance of meds and self, and you find housing. It's good to see your posts when they come.
vamysteryfan: makatovamysteryfan on April 9th, 2011 10:14 pm (UTC)
Hello hello.

I admire your honesty and courage in a difficult situation. Believe that it will get better.

I lived in a homeless shelter for a while a few years ago. I didn't have the courage to post about it on LJ. It did get better for me and it will get better for you.
flaming museflaming_muse on April 9th, 2011 10:15 pm (UTC)
Anyone who has a lick of sense would be exhausted both physically and mentally by being in your position. What you are enduring is so hard. I wish for you the energy and clarity to be able to do everything possible (within reason) to get yourself out of the shelter and into a better situation, which it sounds like you are doing your best to achieve. As for the rest, don't worry about being pithy for our sake. We are happy to be your outlet for good or ill, but you will get your words back when you're in a more stable place.
batdina on April 9th, 2011 10:22 pm (UTC)
I am out here reading when you share. Anything else I can do? I am listed in the phone book.
baunger1 on April 9th, 2011 10:52 pm (UTC)
Hello to you! You don't know me; I'm just a fan. But you've given me great pleasure and I'm wishing you some pleasure in return. I'm thinking of you and hoping for the very best.
kassrachel on April 9th, 2011 11:11 pm (UTC)
Hello, hello right back at you!

Yay for possible psychiatrist; gah for the shelter and all the reasons you're tired of it, which, God, of course you are. :-/

You know this, on some level, I suspect, but: don't worry about being a downer. We just like hearing your voice.
Trepkos: Kai sulktrepkos on April 9th, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
Hey there.
I would hate to be in that place. Perhaps you could buy a sleeping bag ... and another suggestion - are there any swimming baths where you could go for a more hygienic and probably more private shower?
I hope you get out of there soon.
rubywisprubywisp on April 9th, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
hello hello yourself. ♥
thegrrrl: flowersthegrrrl2002 on April 9th, 2011 11:48 pm (UTC)

Hello hello right back at you! I'm glad you posted, I was wondering how things were going. I can't imagine how hard it must be to maintain your equilibrium in such a place--I think you are doing far better than I ever would. And I'm glad you are finally getting to see a psychiatrist.

I'm hoping with all my might that you get into better housing ASAP. ::hugs::
jolie_reader: veronica--truthjolie_reader on April 10th, 2011 12:19 am (UTC)
Hello. I just want to say I think you're so brave and you inspire me. <3
Beth H: Bears Hugz (rexluscus)bethbethbeth on April 10th, 2011 12:49 am (UTC)

I'm so glad you're getting an appointment to see somebody, and I'm also glad you're talking to us. I love hearing from you, even when the news is...less than upbeat. {{{hugs}}}
calligrafiti on April 10th, 2011 01:03 am (UTC)
I hope one of the housing program applications comes through for you.
ruthless1ruthless1 on April 10th, 2011 02:30 am (UTC)
Hi back! *waves* I am sending you metaphorical strawberries. And some magical clean shoes that you can wear in the shower. And three days of sunlight so the mold goes away. Keep taking care of yourself.
abbyleeabbylee on April 10th, 2011 02:57 am (UTC)
hello hello <3