You are not Muslim. That is not a keffiyeh you're wearing on your head. It's a TABLECLOTH.
Dear Man in a Sad, Sad Bar that I Walked By,
It's 8:37 a.m. and you're having your first beer of the day. Or maybe your third. GAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Dear Other Man on Bus,
Thank you for slapping your own face repeatedly so that we didn't have to. You didn't need to use your keychain though. Also, I don't think that's really one of Moses's tablets you're holding. It looks heavy, anyway. Did you know that you can buy the Ten Commandments printed on a penny? Just saying.
Dear Ex-Coworker of Mine,
No...seriously. You spawned? o.o
ETA: Icon by zee! *glee*