a week beginning and ending in memes
Top 10 signs a story was written by me
- It starts off in medias res, with people all of a sudden noticing that they have amnesia, or gaping wounds, or breasts.
- It's not actually a story, it's a snippet. Or three lines. Or a description of what I'd write if I were writing a story.
- Everyone is gazing, looking, watching, and glancing. If Rodney went blind, it wouldn't make any difference--he'd *seem* to be staring off into space, and John would be eyeing him. Rodney would also be fidgeting with something as he spoke, possibly a beer or a gun, because there's no business like stage business.
- At least one word has to be looked up in a dictionary, and I probably checked the definition myself, because I wanted to be sure it meant what I thought it meant. Ten other words are probably wrong.
- The point-of-view is painfully tight, like a pair of someone else's shoes that the author put on, walked a mile in, and then couldn't pry off.
- It's raining adjectives and adverbs and we are all drowning.
- There is at least one small but important word missing, e.g., "Blood is thicker water."
- The Rule of Threes inserts itself sneakily into every crevice. It is clever, remorseless, and all-powerful. It bends innocent sentences to its will, sways them to its creed, and is often redundant. Three, three, three.
- The title is a word or phrase of dubious relevance exposing the desperate, last-minute clutch of a panicky author.
- It is very gay.