Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.

...and then the earth split open and spewed forth crackfic.

I very much wanted to write tonight, or at least answer some comments. But I'm tired. Pathetically tired. So I lay on my bed a while, then mindlessly played FreeCell a while, then a reread a handful of SGA stories. In my immediate future is more sleep...

...or so I thought. But I wrote those words forty-five minutes ago, then suddenly remembered that I'd been meaning to jot down notes about the insane storylines reeling through my head lately. So I wrote these and then looked at them and thought, yeah, you know what, you're never really going to write those, because YOU NEVER DO, and I'm going to bed now. So I'll post these and laugh and laugh and cry. And probably fall asleep thinking of very similar and equally dirty things.

SGA stories I'm not writing

- The one where Rodney is abducted and genetically altered by a guy who then sells him to a traveling freak show, and they can't find him for months and months, but finally they track down his kidnapper, and interrogate the guy and take his spaceship, which they use to travel to the backwater planet where Rodney is, and when John, Teyla, and Ronon rescue him, they find him in a barred, locked stall in a barn, and he's got long hair and stubble and is stunning, like in this icon I'm using, and they see in amazement that he has beautiful wings, ginormous and white and astonishing--the kidnapper had managed to keep that from them, letting it be a cruel surprise--and then they fly the ship back to Atlantis at a leisurely enough pace that John and Rodney can spend a week in bed discovering their love for each other, which is healing, because of how Rodney's been dragged from world to world as part of a menagerie, abused and kept in a cage and displayed to gaping villagers (though sometimes children gave him presents and he's mellowed toward kids as a result, at least the ones who aren't evil, smelly, jeering little brats) and when they get home to Atlantis, Rodney discovers he can fly--then there's a flying montage, and lots of golden light--and all is well, except for how all of a sudden I decide that Teyla loves Rodney (Teyla angst!) and there's a threesome, and whoa, Teyla has Rodney's baby, and then they all live together and raise it, happily every after, and it's a girl; and after all this, a year or so later after the gate has been down for repairs or whatever, the SG-1 people come to visit and are like, OMGWTFWINGS?!

- The one where an ancient device goes wild and first turns a few random scientists into younger versions of themselves and then whammies Rodney into his fifteen-year-old self (not time-travel, but a full-body reversion using accessed memory) and it turns out that while, yes, he was a young genius, he was also a street kid for a year, which came about because he tried to use a fake ID to get into a gay bar for the first time ever, but the bouncer wouldn't let him in, so he kicked around outside the bar desperate to make a connection with someone, but the bouncer chased him away, and as he walked along the empty back streets, a bunch of guys followed him and bashed him and gang-raped him, after which he cracked up and was committed to a juvenile asylum, and after that ran away from home to live on the street, pale and bruised and vulnerable and beautiful, and he carries a switchblade and wears jeans with holes in the knees, and now here he is in some hi-tech lab surrounded by military jock-types and people in Star Trek uniforms and some weird Czech guy is babbling; and Rodney is freaked out, of course--he's jittery and wild, poised for flight, eyes shifting frantically for an escape; from what he can tell he's been ripped from a Toronto warehouse where he'd been squatting for the night, and the last thing he can remember is that he was asleep, and now he's disioriented and hungry and exhausted because he didn't manage to find dinner last night; and he's paraniod, remembering how a few years back a sinister black-ops government agency (or maybe tech firm) had aggressively tried to recruit him, spooking his parents and him too, so he's got reasonable paranoia and thinks this might be a gaslight scenario; but John is there, and sees that everything they do is just winding him up tighter ("Kavanagh, shut up!") and that he's in danger of cracking again, so he kicks everyone out of the lab and quiets Rodney's fears, and convinces Rodney that this is real (with some help from Zelenka); after viewing the labs and the laptops and shiny things, it's a physics text book of Zelenka's, a real solid book, that Rodney accepts as proof; he knows what's in it is far beyond him and couldn't have been faked. "Can I keep this?" he asks Zelenka, wrapping his arms around the book. So John takes Rodney with his book to the mess and watches him tear into a tray of food like a starving cat, then sits with him, and they talk, and Rodney is angsting because the one element of his past that didn't materialize with him is his ratty knapsack with the few small things of value he owned (a notebook, a Walkman, an folding street map), and John is gentle with him, and very kind, because seeing this younger Rodney--who's been overwritten by time and buried by sheer force of will--is such a gut-punch of unexpectedness that it's just about breaking John, and he's gone all protective, determined to be the one person Rodney can trust. After Rodney checks out his quarters (seeing the award photo on the wall: "Fuck, I look like my dad"), they hang out, and make some awkward, bittersweet talk, but then Rodney starts to say more revealing things about his life, and John has a crisis of conscience and tells him not to share secrets he'll regret later; but that just makes Rodney stare back at him with naked eyes in a face of raw need, on the edge of being ripped open again by distress--because John told him that they're friends, and Rodney calls him on it now, and says desperately, "You're my only friend" and tells John about the rape, and John listens as stoically as he can until he hears it all, and then it's as if his entire body balls up into a fist and he goes and punches the wall hard, and bows his head there and cries in the stifled, miserable way that men cry; when he comes back, they sit close together for a while with their foreheads touching, holding hands, one of John's hands on Rodney's neck, stroking his upper back. Then John lets Rodney pull him over to lie on the bed next to Rodney while he sleeps, and John sleeps too. And so on and so on, and before Rodney is restored there's kissing, and then voila, Rodney is himself. And then more kissing.

- The one where Rodney, Lorne, Ronon, and John go on a mission and their hosts check to make sure they're warriors but Rodney raises a hand and snippily says, I prefer to think of myself first and foremost as a scientist, because there's been some kind of geek versus grunt argument going on, and their hosts are all, "What is this thing you call 'scientist'?" and get it into their heads that Rodney's Not a Man, but of course the SGA guys are just oblivious; and oh, say their hosts, let us now feast together so that we may share with you all the things we hope to offer in trade, and the guys are like, sure, yeah, let's party, and get unknowingly doped with aphrodisiacal drugs that have a complementary interaction, with the macho V1agraa! drug going to Lorne, Ronon, and John, and the "Let me just lie here and bottom like crazy for you" drug going to Rodney, and then sadly they're all terribly traumatized, and I can't figure out how to reach a happy ending.
Tags: fic 2005, kink, sga fic

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