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16 November 2005 @ 10:03 am
hair-pulling + playground taunts = true love!  
Churning up the froth from my last post, panisdead spurred me to further dirty thoughts. I said to her:

After your comment this morning I tried to imagine John and Rodney sparring with dirty limerick put-downs...

John looked across the fire at Rodney and smiled.

"There once was a doctor named Rodney
Who thought when he fucked he was godly.
But when he was well-screwed
He became very rude,
And started to act up quite oddly."

Teyla and Ronon laughed. Rodney's eyes narrowed and then he lifted his chin.

"There once was a major named Sheppard--"

("Colonel!")

"Who thought he was hung like a leopard.
But it was just the spots
From syphilitic twats
That..."

He broke off suddenly as if paused by a remote and stared blankly into space.

"Warranted the comparison?" suggested Teyla.

"You've dug a hole for yourself," John said, looking satisfied.

"Shut up!" Rodney glared daggers at them, then recovered and drew himself up again with a look of triumph:

"That made him a cat that was peppered."

John stared, mouth slack. "That's *terrible*."

With an offended expression, Rodney huffed slightly. "It's your fault for having a stupid name."
 
 
Anna S.: cupcakeseliade on November 16th, 2005 07:16 pm (UTC)
Especially if he were really drunk. I bet he gets even more hilarious when he's on his way under the table.
Sarapanisdead on November 16th, 2005 09:48 pm (UTC)
My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
And yet, lewd Athosian poetry! I have to try:

*******************
John swayed in the firelight, an expression of fierce, beery concentration on his face.

"There was a young man from Darjeeling
who got on a train board for Ealing
it said on the door
don't come on the floor
so he carefully came on the ceiling."


The chief nodded in approval, nose rings glinting. John licked his index finger and made an invisible tick mark in front of him, hissing through his teeth. Ooh, burn.

Teyla squared her shoulders and spoke.

Your mother
A Wraith.
Your father
Had no objections.


She touched both elbows and bowed, the Pegasus equivalent of a Z-snap.

John rallied with another one about the girl from Nantucket, but he was running low on material, and Teyla's poems were certainly more elegant, if thematically similar.

Wraith
Suck life
Your cheeks
Hollow as well.


"Please!" John burst out indignantly. "Those aren't even couplets."

Teyla stared at him haughtily. "You believe I fear your Earth rhyme scheme? Very well." She raised her chin.

There once was a Colonel named John
Whose pants simply would not stay on
Said Dr. McKay,
"My response here is YAY,"
And with a bump and a grind they were gone.


A round of "ooohs" and elbow-touching rose from the crowd of natives. John's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Teyla Emmagen, that whore--

"Okay!" said Rodney, grabbing John by his gesticulating pointer finger. "Looks like funtime's over for tonight! See you all bright and early tomorrow noon, kiss kiss, it's been real." John's rhyming protests faded into the night as Rodney dragged him toward the tents, one hand clenched tightly in the sagging waistband of John's pants.
Anna S.: john-floaty-dotseliade on November 16th, 2005 09:54 pm (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
Teyla Emmagen, that whore--

"Okay!" said Rodney, grabbing John by his gesticulating pointer finger. "Looks like funtime's over for tonight! See you all bright and early tomorrow noon, kiss kiss, it's been real." John's rhyming protests faded into the night as Rodney dragged him toward the tents, one hand clenched tightly in the sagging waistband of John's pants.


*dies*

And Teyla's elegant and minimalist slam verse!

Wraith
Suck life
Your cheeks
Hollow as well.


*Anna folds over without breath and dies of delight*

She touched both elbows and bowed, the Pegasus equivalent of a Z-snap.

Teyla needs to have more opportunities like this. *grin*
Sarapanisdead on November 16th, 2005 10:22 pm (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
Hee! And also, yay! :)
tigs: SGA: Teylatigs on November 16th, 2005 10:12 pm (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
This? Was awesome. I love Teyla fighting all dirty like that. Hee! :)
Sarapanisdead on November 16th, 2005 10:22 pm (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
Cool! Thanks. :)
Rustyrusty76 on November 16th, 2005 11:36 pm (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
*worships your brain*
bibliokatbibliokat on November 18th, 2005 04:32 am (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
*dies from the sheer dirty brilliance*
Sarapanisdead on November 18th, 2005 04:41 am (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
Hee! Thank you!

Oh, hey--read your wish list, and I totally have an F/K song for you, but I have to re-install stuff before I can send it. But it's on my mind!

(It's Webb Wilder's "The Rest (Will Take Care of Itself)" off of Doo Dad if you're curious).
bibliokatbibliokat on November 18th, 2005 05:25 am (UTC)
Re: My limericks are so lame, vets beg to shoot them
Yay! I can't wait to hear it! (though I will. Patiently even!)