*loves you till you can't breathe*

*feeds you lettuce*

*Lettuce*? You don't love me! You wouldn't feed me lettuce if you loved me! Feed me the flesh of my enemies!

A carnivorous turtle? That's a new one!

*readies the machete*

From googling:

What do turtles eat?

"Different species have different diets. The leatherback feeds only on jelly fish, the hawksbill only on sponges, the loggerhead feeds on a selection of bottom-dwelling invertebrates and kemps ridley turtles have a preference for crabs. The green turtle is thought to be omnivorous but largely herbivorous, feeding mainly on seagrasses and algae."

Give me spongecakess and jelly!

*looks uneasily at sticky apple core in left hand*
Ah, what the fuck. Go ahead and hate me instead, if it helps.

I have a small teddy bear sitting in front of me for *my* rage. It has a purple ribbon.

Ah, what the fuck. Go ahead and hate me instead, if it helps.

Well, you're not eating it near me, so there is no hate!

I have a small teddy bear sitting in front of me for *my* rage.

I have a teddy bear too! It is pink and nameless. I never punch it though. It might bite me.

Pink and nameless? Sounds kind of...Lovecraftian...to me.

I wouldn't punch it either.

Random feedback tig! I found your 'A Long Time Looking' via Cimorene's recs page. I love it! I haven't enjoyed reading anything so much in quite a while. This one felt like origfic, like published fic, perhaps because it lingers on the way there as well as on the there. It's just the most delectable leading-up-to sexual tension, so much so, that I even sometimes forgot where we were headed and just enjoyed all the details, the books, the people on the road, the weather, everything so beautifully observed and real. The kiss was lovely! And the circuitous dialogue.

Ohh. You're so sweet! :D I have an authorial fondness for that one myself. Unlike some others on which I look back and boggle, like, you know, Anna, *why* exactly did you decide it was necessary to write a domestic discipline story and base it on one of their crappier scripts? Yeah, huh....

I like that expression, 'authorial fondness'!

*holds you hostage*

better post that list or the Anna gets it!

Hee. *g* Maybe tonight then!

You know, I started to do this just now, especially for you, but as I stared at my empty numbered list and jotted my one-sentence summaries it started to get terribly daunting, so I gave up. Maybe I'll just try one at a time. *g*

I would be most pleased with one Anna fantasy.

(or blow off the list entirely. My threats are cheerfully hollow...*g*)

I was daydreaming today about Rodney trying to fix some giant Ancient machine somewhere and the machine hooks into his pleasure center because it wants to be fixed and it works him like a cheap whore, turning him on and tying getting closer to orgasm to his successes in fixing the machine. It's subtle at first and nobody really notices until he's totally unable to stop working on it and living in this sex/work haze and then John has to go in after him and of course the machine deals with this threat to its survival by tying John into it too and things just get hopelessly orgasm-y after that.

My officemate smells like an old stinky ashtray mixed with a little of the latest in this year's BO. Can I swap him for the apple lady?
Although loud chewing and/or gum snapping are up there on cube rage list.

Although loud chewing and/or gum snapping are up there on cube rage list.

Also on the "public transit" list. :P If someone was doing that in a cube near me--I swear to god--I would go to them and ask them to stop. I'm not going to be polite if I'm going insane. I suppose I'd be held back if they were my manager or something.

The other day I watched a woman snapping her gum on the bus--she was sitting with her four-year-old child, and I thought, You utter bitch--teaching the next generation to snap their gum in public. Infuriating.

Gum chewing is my main pet peeve in life. Well, that and spiders, but that's more paralyzing terror.

Whenever I go to the movies, I have to do a careful "gum scan" before sitting down, and then move if someone violates the GFZ (gum free zone). This is why I don't go to the movies with people early on in relationships of any kind, because oddly it makes me seem insane.

And the writers'! But I'm glad to be elevated to their status. :)

You are never inane and spamical, though that is the new name for my vaudeville act. You are instead entertaining and a breath of fresh air and should be packed in an aerosal can.

I *am* in an aerosal can! How did you know? Ironically, despite being a breath of fresh air, I can't breathe in here.

*panics and scrabbles at can walls like a mouse*

I pushing cheese through the aerosal nozzle down to you, my love may block your only air way, but my heart means well. *pats you, but not Lenny pats you, because that's messy*

I lob a rat at you and your cheese!

I always wanted a rat when I was a kid, then my parents bought me a guinea pig. These are the same parents when I desperately wanted a walkman bought me a clock radio. They did love me, but their love was strange. Or they were stoned a lot, I'm not sure.

They did love me, but their love was strange.

That could be the best summation of familial relationships ever. That should be the first line of a novel. Or, actually, the second. I'm not sure what the first would be. But it'd probably be better if "they" referred back to a more specific noun.

I could be overthinking this. I think I should go home now.

By the way, I had two newts as a kid, and my cat ate them. Later, I had two gerbils and I left my window open in winter and they died, and then I wrote a poem about their stiff little bodies them years later, still suffused with guilt. I mean, I was suffused. The dead gerbils weren't suffused. They were just dead.

*suffering the morning*

I also like to randomly stick the word "them" into them sentences.