short, questionable, and evanescent

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09 October 2005 @ 04:08 pm

You guys are sweet. I owe comments but I'm having an off day. Days. I have a bucketful of nothing to say. Idle 2-cent thoughts about movies (I commit myself on record as liking Constantine), Crazed Shopping I Have Done (unnecessary shoes, unnecessary nail polish, movies I don't even watch, too many silver rings), misc small dogs, the current season of As My Moods Turn, my erratically blooming popcorn addiction, blah blah blah. I'm a bad friend lately, a bad fan, and a borderline employee. I've actually been working pretty hard, but I have a project that's demoralizing me. I wish it had physical substance so that I could throw it on the floor and stomp on it until it died in a screaming misshapen eruption of gore.

I came into the office today to work on it, but nothing's perking. I sat for two hours the other day just trying to figure out the functional logic of the feature and nearly cried because sense, none. If I don't make progress immediately I'm dooming myself to...doom. Unfortunately I'm in a sluglike place of mind and will. I keep coming back to this place that I want to leave behind for good. Speaking of demoralizing.

I've been having little stabby thoughts about drinking more often this past week or two, but tomorrow is six months. So. Must conquer that.

I'm so tired right now.

[/blah]

Tags: hard stuff, life 2005

9 comments | Leave a comment

9 comments —

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

herself_nyc on October 9th, 2005 11:48 pm (UTC)

Mazel tov on the 6 months! Remember, the first year is bound to be tough, but it's SO worth it.

You're in my thoughts … I'm rooting for you.

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fiveandfour on October 9th, 2005 11:52 pm (UTC)

tomorrow is six months

Wow! Good work.

I went off my depression medication for a day or two recently (due to other medication problems) and at first thought, "Hey, I feel ok. I wonder if it's time to talk to the doctor about weaning me off this stuff." Then a couple of days later the crap-ass tired lazy couldn't focus feelings were back. So, guess that's a no. My little one week trial is but a taste of what you've been going through, trying to get the balance right, but I totally get what you're going through.

Hang in there. It will get better - though it's hell and I'm sure you feel like a medical experiment some days - the right combination will be found.

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trepkos on October 9th, 2005 11:56 pm (UTC)

Thanks for that link - made me snort - especially
"I recognize that perfect communication and perfect honesty would result in the end of all narrative on the face of the earth."

And very good going for the 6 month thing - well done.

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hildyj on October 10th, 2005 12:16 am (UTC)

::hugs:: on the working hard but not feeling like you're getting anywhere--I'm feeling a bit like that myself and it ain't fun. My to-do list is miles long and every day I cross things off but the damn list never gets any smaller--defies the laws of physics or something. I just keep breathing, people tell me it's a good thing.

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witling on October 10th, 2005 02:03 am (UTC)

You're a wonderful, brilliant person. You're doing great.

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cindershadow on October 10th, 2005 03:31 am (UTC)

Thanks for the link! Hilarious--I scared the cat by my cackling!

Congrats on the six months--that's fabulous, and especially in light of all the other stuff you've been dealing with.

(When you have a down day, feel free to muse on the fact that some of us would give a right arm to have the talent you have in your little finger . . . and if we had that talent, that sentence would sound less bizarre. I just know that you blow me away, as a writer and as a person.)

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