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31 August 2005 @ 01:44 pm
not at all about weather  

I love that "grouse" means to grumble, but also means "Any of various plump, chickenlike game birds of the family Tetraonidae...having mottled brown or grayish plumage."

Plump, chickenlike, and mottled, that's me!

(ETA: The cut-tag originally included the word "grousing." Now this is just a non sequitur.)

Rant 1: Our stock-options used to be managed by Smith Barney. SB was always convenient and efficient to deal with. Then we switched to Charles Schwab. Who suck. Suck, suckage, colossal suction. Schwab has the customer-service equivalent of a black-hole singularity. Their customer service is the dimensionless point where all matter that has been sucked into the black hole is concentrated, a point of infinite density. End quote. But today they reached the infinite curvature of suckage. Forget their usual fumbling incompetence--today I was introduced to a new phone feature: a periodic beep tone that's meant to let you know when your call is being monitored. Within about 30 seconds, I developed a conditioned reflex of sudden rage every time I heard the beep. If you've ever seen Primal Fear, it was just like that scene where Edward Norton's character fixates on the maddening beep of the camcorder's waning battery until he suddenly FLIPS THE HELL OUT.

Rant 2: Herein I argue for a law enabling citizen's arrest and use of deadly force on a pestilent species of Metro Transit bus driver, the thwarted comedian who abuses his position of power--while at the wheel of a 17-ton vehicle--to remorselessly and unrelentingly torture a captive audience via microphone with passive-aggressive banter, solo ditties and sing-alongs, and folksy, obnoxious bids for passenger participation that entail clapping and chorusing. But thank you, Fiend of Hell, for your considerate suggestion to those of us unmoved by your performance--we're the ones, by the way, sitting silent and horrified at the rear of the bus--to exit at the next stop, because "it's a free country."

Rant 3: Not a rant, actually. Just new evidence and confession of my lameness: last night I was stopped by the cops, who finally noticed that my tags have not been updated since May. Turns out, a proof of insurance certificate is also something that needs to be kept updated, and not a permanently useful piece of paper issued when you first got your insurance. Huh. The combined fines are about $700. But the proof of insurance is $500 of that, and it sounds like it's no big deal to get the fine rescinded with a quick court appearance.

I'm not wrought up about this. It's stupid, but I've been cognizant of my stupidity for some time, and this was totally preventable. And actually, as soon as it happened, my mind started generating all kinds of bright-sided anodynes, like:

* At least I wasn't driving drunk at the time.
* My house wasn't recently destroyed by a hurricane.
* This is unquestionably the cattle-prod I've needed to get my shit together--like, you know, hey, here's an idea, why don't I do my 2004 taxes, and pay my bills from the last two months, and update my checkbook register for transactions more recent than April?

I don't know if I've ever mentioned my LiveJournal Mission Statement before, but the goal of this LJ is really to make you all feel much better about yourselves and your life-management skills by comparison to me. And of course so that I'll be able to look back years from now and marvel: Holy crap, what a meathead! Thank god I cleaned up my act, or I'd never have become an A-list screenwriter, multimillionaire, CIA consultant, and Motivational Actualization guru.

My foresight is 20/20 yay!

--End of Third Monday Transmission--

ETA2: Right. Okay. "Third Monday" is a non sequitur too, I've just noticed. The thing is, I'd decided that so far this week we've had Monday, and then Monday, and then Monday again, and so...yes. I'm just going to abandon any attempt at consecutive thought process and commit myself wholly to nonsense. technician quickthorn cryptogram noodle.
kassrachel on August 31st, 2005 08:49 pm (UTC)
If I had any icon-making skillz I would make you one that says grouse grouse grouse and depicts the feathery little bird, I really would. :-)
Kanekokaneko on August 31st, 2005 08:50 pm (UTC)
I love that "grouse" means to grumble, but also means "Any of various plump, chickenlike game birds of the family Tetraonidae...having mottled brown or grayish plumage."

And it also means 'awesome!' in 1980s Australian slang. Sad but true.
(Anonymous) on September 3rd, 2005 09:46 am (UTC)
Oh, I've heard it said far more recently than the 80s. Also sad, but true. (Ineke)
Kanekokaneko on September 3rd, 2005 10:13 am (UTC)
Hey! You! Canberra escapee! I was so sad when you deleted your journal. (Do you have another one?)
(Deleted comment)
Divya: make a wish by obsessedmuch_divya_ on August 31st, 2005 09:53 pm (UTC)
(The Metro transit bus driver sounds like he escaped from some terribly tawdry musical.)

Or possibly an asylum. Or perhaps a planet of failed comedians. Or maybe even his parents' basement, if only for the length of his shift... Hmm. The possibilites are HORRIFYING.
alittlebritonalittlebriton on August 31st, 2005 09:09 pm (UTC)
Your beep complex is the same is my ticking clock thing. I cannot be in a room with a loud, or even soft, ticking clock. It is wrong, and against all laws of god and man. It makes my eye tick along with it until I have to hum, slightly off key to balance out the incessant rhythm that never seems to end. My fingers are curling at the very thought.

I know, I'm a little odd. Oh, and good luck for getting your shit sorted out. It's something that I've been meaning to do since I graduated.
tried to eat the safe banana: Love mathsthefourthvine on August 31st, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
Then we switched to Charles Schwab.

*flees screaming into the - okay, more like mid-day kind of thing, but just imagine that it's midnight, please*

I still have post-traumatic stress disorder from trying to deal with them over a minor dealio for Best Beloved's taxes two years ago. Normally I enjoy doing our taxes. (Yes, fine, okay, I'm diseased and demented and whatever, but I just, there's something so joyously satisfying about it. You fill up little boxes! With numbers! And it is sleek and shiny and just, wow - you put a number here and a number there and you total all your medical receipts and put that number over here and, hey, check it out! There's a new deduction we could take! And then the computer does shiny calculating things and you transmit your forms to the taxing authority and...I'm sorry, I just like it, okay? Usually the only bad part is the bit we do every year where Best Beloved realizes how much real money they're taking from us to, like, hold National Porklove Week, and blows a gasket. Well, and the occasional bout of Audit Panic.) Anyway, normally I enjoy doing our taxes, but that year BB's were awful thanks to a certain unnamed company, and I'm still all twitchy about it.

But I had a point, and this was it: when I hear a Certain Suckage Firm named, I tend to turn green and swell up and start breakin' stuff.
Sara: trollpanisdead on August 31st, 2005 09:38 pm (UTC)
the thwarted comedian who abuses his position of power

Oh my God. I have been trapped on a chartered bus with this guy; I feel your pain.
(Deleted comment)
Anna S.: daniel-stunningeliade on August 31st, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
You are my example-guru-antihero! *hugs* I'm experiencing a moment of major bondage with you. I mean, bonding. Or whatever. I'm easy.
yonmei on August 31st, 2005 11:25 pm (UTC)
Those two icons combined with your comments to each other are just so... squees quietly in the corner ...adorable. Yes.
Mireillemireille719 on August 31st, 2005 10:55 pm (UTC)
When I got a "no proof of insurance" ticket, all it took was showing proof that I had had insurance on the day of the ticket, and my fine got reduced from $300 (this was about 15 years ago) to $30--the fine for not carrying the card, as opposed to not having insurance. It was no big deal at all.
(Anonymous) on September 1st, 2005 05:02 pm (UTC)
For your info, most magistrates here in King County will also reduce the no tags fine if you go out and get your tags before your hearing date. *But you have to mail in the resquest for hearing*! I emphasis this not because I don't think you can't read the instructions, but because I have many clients who can't seem to figure this out.

Joy Lee
Jack Pridejack_pride on September 3rd, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC)
I don't know if I've ever mentioned my LiveJournal Mission Statement before, but the goal of this LJ is really to make you all feel much better about yourselves and your life-management skills by comparison to me.

::giggles insanely:: I have yet to do my 2004 taxes, either.

Also, my reaction to virtually *every* negative thing that ever happens to me is now a conditioned, "Well, at least..." It's something I started doing to keep my sanity when I was living in Japan, I think, though sometimes it makes me want to wash my brain out with bleach: "Well, my wallet was stolen along with the $200 in it, but at least I wasn't carrying more than that/my travel pouch with passport made it easy to get a new bank card/I needed the incentive to get my licence renewed that month anyway/ it provided an excuse to buy a new wallet. And a fabulous laptop bag." Can I just be upset about the $200, please? My brain is conditioned to "look on the bright side"! It's driving me nuts!
namastenancynamastenancy on September 5th, 2005 12:57 am (UTC)
The Hard Stuff
Anna, dear - I understand why you disabled comments on Sunday's post but I wish you hadn't. There is nothing wrong in asking for help, understanding, friendship and ..yes, even love. We (well, most of us) never feel that we are deserving of love, either agape or eros. Maybe it's easier to imagine eros but agape is just as important. I've struggled with anxiety all my adult life and so, I do understand a bit of what you are struggling with.
So, ma cherie, agape, always agape from San Francisco (on the edge of the Castro).

And cookies are always good.
namaste SF nancy
Roquelaureroquelaure on September 6th, 2005 07:25 pm (UTC)
Re: that particular Metro driver.

I've had him before. He never stays on a regular route long, so I think they move him around to spread out the pain. This is the problem with living in an uber-liberal, tree-hugging city: we're the last people on earth who would tell the happy happy singing Metro driver to shut the hell up. :P

Makes me miss Chicago bus drivers. They use the microphone, too. But more tell people to 'shut up, sit the fuck down and stop complaining, stupid.'