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27 August 2005 @ 12:34 pm
stargate atlantis: fandom of crack  
I wanted to use the subject line "A tsunami of crackfic is coming straight for us" or something like that, but then I paused. You can't really make tsunami jokes any more, can you. I think it'll be at least another three years. I also risk someone bringing up my unwritten tsunami stories. For those of you glaring pointedly at me right now, I'm going to go hide in this field and demonstrate How Not to Be Seen. And then you can blow me up.

There was another point entirely--the new flashfic challenge posted by cesperanza is "The Harlequin Plot Challenge." So, okay. Let it be known: it happens, on occasion, that some misguided, generous fan kneels in my presence and cries, "Oh, Anna, you're so intimidatingly brilliant, I'm averting my eyes, O Lord!" And no matter how many I times I mention that there are other interesting things they could be doing down there on their knees instead of averting, it just never goes anywhere fun, and then I wake up. Disappointing.

The thing is that, quite often, and usually before noon, I'm really not all that bright. So when I saw the Harlequin Plot Challenge I read the details--the feisty untameable rodney meets his mysterious benefactor! -- the one where rodney is really, really rich and powerful and he sees john the independent girl and is like "i will pay you ten billion dollars to be my MISTRESS"--etc. And then I blinked vacantly several times and went to look up the word:
har·le·quin. Etymology: ultimately from Italian arlecchino, from Middle French Helquin, a demon. 1 a: a character in comedy and pantomime with a shaved head, masked face, variegated tights, and wooden sword; b: BUFFOON
And then I sat there for about forty seconds and tried to figure out how the plot examples could be logically associated with a challenge about demons, clowns, or buffoons.

And then I wondered whether the challenge required one of the characters to be female in every story. Really.

Anyway. I'm very excited about the Harlequin (Romance) Plot challenge. I hope for seriously beautiful ludicrousness in the results. Here is the story I will *not* be writing for this challenge because, for one thing, it in no way relates:

pheromones: "Wait a minute," Rodney said, eyes widening at Carson, "are you saying that my superhero power is the ability to turn men *gay*?!"

pheromones, part 2: John stopped dead in the corridor as if a security klaxon had just gone off and stared at Rodney. "Okay, just how many of my men have you slept with, anyway?" he said, voice rising. Rodney's face grew abstracted for a half-second of calculation. "Twelve. No, wait, thirteen." His surface blandness didn't even flicker--it was as if John had asked him how many sandwiches he'd eaten that day.

One plot bunny, free to a good home. *g*
Sara: crackficpanisdead on August 27th, 2005 07:43 pm (UTC)
His surface blandness didn't even flicker--it was as if John had asked him how many sandwiches he'd eaten that day.



Sandwich! The sandwich reference makes it even funnier!
Rat Creature: rotflratcreature on August 27th, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
"are you saying that my superhero power is the ability to turn men *gay*?!"

Heh. He'd work like pink kryptonite (which exists in DC canon, well I think it's from some alternate timeline, but -- pink! and it did turn Superman gay.)
Basingstoke: Superwoman! (by livia)basingstoke on August 27th, 2005 07:56 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I think Supergirl (one of the Supergirls, I don't know) went into an alternate universe back in time kind of thing where they did a whole parody of the Golden Age crack, and one of the storylines was pink kryptonite.

Clark hit on Jimmy Olsen.

Good times.
Anna S.: ship-goldeliade on August 27th, 2005 09:49 pm (UTC)
Clark hit on Jimmy Olsen.

No way--are you serious? *grin*
Basingstoke: SGA - John likes Rononbasingstoke on August 27th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
Completely. It was approximately as subtle as my icon. :D
Rat Creature: supermanratcreature on August 27th, 2005 10:32 pm (UTC)
You can take a look in this scans_daily entry:
The last scan shows him hitting on Jimmy.

In the DCU there's no way crackfic could possibly compete with what they do to the characters in the source. I mean, pink kryptonite isn't anywhere near the top of the wacky things you get to see, especially when you include in Elseworld comics. Or the kinky things, like, you get panels of Lex Luthor nearly-naked, wearing just a collar, a loin-cloth and a ball gag while he's whipped and enslaved by a dominatrix granny... (you can see panel scans of that one here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ratcreature/97668.html)
cathexys: grincathexys on August 28th, 2005 12:08 am (UTC)
what's left for slashers to do when the source text is that charcktastic???

but i'm with you, love that idea!!!

[plus, i agree, the term harlequin is truly a very inaccurate term...i assume it's from the publishing house's name, b/c the brits tend to call it mills&boon if i'm not mistaken (though i enjoyed your etymological inquiries cum confusion :-)]
sef1029 on August 27th, 2005 09:08 pm (UTC)
Ahem. Why, yes, I think I will bring up tsunami stories...

Can I persuade you to do my Jack/Daniel snippet for part of the Martha ficathon? It's to give Martha (saffronhouse) reading material during her long rehab/convalescence.

(And you can thank my mother for any expertise with guilt trips!)
rache: rodney woobiedreams by icon_ascensionwickedwords on August 27th, 2005 09:39 pm (UTC)
My Harlequin shall start:

"It is the duty of every coffee drinker to fall in love with their barista at least once. Rodney had fallen in love with his on at least six or eight occasions. The current object of his affections was a man with black hair and green eyes -- which went really well with the green apron and black turtleneck he always wore -- who knew how to make the best Cappuchino in town."
Anna S.: rodney-mckayeliade on August 27th, 2005 09:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, Rache---please, please, please tell me you are serious! Because that would be SO GODDAMN PERFECT. Rodney. Coffee. Barista Boy. Coffee.

You are serious, right? Please?
rache: john bondage sex by copracatwickedwords on August 28th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC)
Tell you what, if I can steal figure out a plot for it, I'll write it, but at the moment, I'm rather plotless. All I got is take out and the occasional brushing of fingertips and long, pointless eyefucks. They never actually speak to one another, and yet, they have furtive, desperate sex in the storage room anyway, surrounded by coffee. And what kind of plot is that?
astolatastolat on August 27th, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC)
OMG yes yes yes!
rache: john pretty man by thegrrrlwickedwords on August 28th, 2005 03:57 pm (UTC)
LOL! I make no promises. I am not known for my follow-through.
Trepkos: Faggottrepkos on August 27th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
"I'm going to go hide in this field and demonstrate How Not to Be Seen. And then you can blow me up."

I'll just be over here confusing my cat...
Anna S.: cat-adorableeliade on August 27th, 2005 09:48 pm (UTC)
*grin* Your cat is very fluffy, isn't he? *prrrr*
Trepkos: Faggottrepkos on August 27th, 2005 10:28 pm (UTC)
He is extremely fluffy, and his tail is huge, powerful and usually erect!
He can knock a mug of tea off a coffee table with it, as my rug has learned to its cost.
Amalthiaamothea on August 28th, 2005 12:05 am (UTC)
I have a lot of romance novels...this looks like a very interesting challenge. :) I expect to be amused.