This cracktastic meme of
liviapenn's is already one of my favorite memes of all time. I've put every entry that I've seen so far into memories. Anyone who wants to post more links in comments, please do!So, um, I was kind of wired and manic and bored tonight. You'd probably be unnerved to know how much time I spent merely *preparing* this meme, creating several different pairing lists based on variations of naming conventions and inclusion logic. The lists were eventually whittled down to one, which was chosen based on a coin flip:
"The list that doesn't contain actors, and assigns the most relevant characters to any actors not otherwise easily identified by character, with only a few miscellaneous icons left out."Shut up! And don't sprint away from me when I'm talking to you!
After outlining my methodology, I did get around to writing. Two! I have two pairings written. I do want to write the rest, but I'm not sure yet whether I've shot my wad on these. So to speak. I'm going to hold off posting the list itself. I think maybe the insanity should be measured out in small doses.
My fevered and wordy efforts aren't intended as one-upmanship of other posts. From what I can tell, I'm just self-medicating my brain with distractions.
Alan Grant (Jurassic Park III) + Angel (Angel)
Succumbing to cynicism again a few years down the line, Angel isolates himself from civilization on Isla Sorna, having paid for passage by tramp steamer. Like a vampire Tarzan, he lurks broodingly under the dense canopy of the forest primeval. One day Dr. Grant returns to the island with a flock of students who are edible in the doomed sense of the word. He's been broodingly antisocial himself ever since Billy moved out and left him for Blair Sandburg (see later), and is grumpily terrorizing his graduate students when they run across a tall, dark, and sulky man-vamp who eludes pursuit, leaving a trail of exsanguinated dinosaur corpses in his wake.
Inevitably, Alan becomes separated from his crew and stumbles into Angel's lair, bloody and badly nipped by a pissy mother raptor. Angel tends Alan's wounds, brings him food, and so on by the firelight, nursemaiding the other man in his reluctant, stone-faced, resentful way. He's not forthcoming at first, but Alan tenaciously drags his backstory from him--it's like pulling fangs--during a series of terse conversations.
There is a big exciting plot twist and climax, many gory deaths, and bonding with raptors, and then we reach our close. Alan can't convince Angel to leave the island with him, but they exchange a manly handshake before parting, both men stolidly repressing deep horniness.
Batman (Christian Bale) + Benton Fraser (Due South)
Lately a suspiciously polite and enigmatic Mountie has been popping up at every social event attended by Bruce Wayne. When Batman spots the mysterious Canadian at a crime scene, he has him investigated and learns that he first came to Gotham on the trail of the killers of a caribou belonging to an endangered, protected species, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture has remained, attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate. Fraser seems to have taken up his own form of vigilante justice, and Batman keeps running across him on the rooftops of the city. One night Fraser acrobatically foils the escape of the Jack of Clubs on the red carpet of a movie premier just as Batman is about to tackle him. Flashbulbs pop as the cameras capture Fraser's heroism for the morning edition.
Bruce, peevishly reading the press coverage while lying in bed with a breakfast tray, decides to take aggressive action and immediately calls the Consulate and invites Fraser to a dinner party. After dinner and banter and eye-flirting and wit-matching and nightcaps, Fraser sits cozily on the sofa in front of a crackling fire across from Bruce and without warning asks:
"How long have you been a student of the order of Chiroptera, Mr. Wayne?"
Bruce, smiling at him after the briefest of pauses: "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean."
Fraser, in expository style, with relevant hand gestures: "The other night, in the illumination of the reporters' cameras, I received a vivid impression of the contours of your chin--which was exposed by the mask you wore--along with the unusual shape of your number-six tooth, the right cuspid, also known as the 'canine' or 'eye tooth.' Additionally, and you may not be aware of this, but the pitch of your voice is quite distinctive. You might want to consider modulating your tone from time to time. Just a thought."
Bruce: o.O
Together, they fight crime. ("...throughout Southwestern Alberta!")
And one night Bruce falls apart, grieving for his parents, and Fraser stands there quietly next to him for a moment, one hand lightly resting on his shoulder, then launches into a cryptic but somehow moving story about his own father and a suicide that took place among the pingos of Tuktoyaktuk, none of which Bruce can follow, but fortunately some kissing takes place, and then shadowed progress to the silk sheets.
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