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18 August 2005 @ 09:18 am
Batman Is on His Way  
This was a paid advertisement--full page--in The Stranger, a weekly Seattle indie newspaper. I wish I could spare the time to type in the whole thing. (ETA: The very savvy j00j found the full text online.) It's hilarious. But I'll just excerpt some of the best bits. All the context you need is in the headline.
"There is a gigantic criminal conspiracy going in this world, one with a bunch of criminals who return lifetime after lifetime to continue their conspiracy. I am talking about the deliberate perpetration of a disease called the Oedipal Complex..."

"Batman will destroy everyone on Planet Earth who cannot get with the program that works for human beings."

"The Almighty Lord, Batman, is the God of the Children of Israel..."

"Batman is the Vampire lover who, when you get right down to it, runs the show of existence. He's the perfect lover and then some..."

"I am Robin, Batman's apprentice and lover."

"Batman has a supply of special bat potion in his tool belt. You could call it a truth serum. It's a drug of some kind; it's no doubt the same one Satan gave to me on at least three occasions in his efforts to thwart me in the journey of awakening that I am now completing."

"Unfortunately, boys turn off the glans when they start having things that they don't want other boys to know about themselves."

His closing summation: "It is time to save the children from Satan, Allah and Oedipus. It is time to save the children from the disease of the Oedipus complex, which is like a juggernaut of death and destruction that has brought this whole human race to the very brink of self-annihilation."
Oh...yes. But hey, points for spelling and complete sentences.
Herself_nycherself_nyc on August 18th, 2005 04:20 pm (UTC)
This was a paid advertisement?

Wow. Talk about taking money from sick people.
Anna S.: scary_girleliade on August 18th, 2005 04:22 pm (UTC)
What--you don't think that was really Robin?
julia_herejulia_here on August 18th, 2005 04:22 pm (UTC)
I think I need to get me to my nearest Starbucks to grab a copy of the Stranger before they're all gone...

Julia, so much more level-headed than The Weekly
Anna S.: jack-davenport2eliade on August 18th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
Sadly, that was last week's & I've been carrying it around. But I suppose it could be there again this week. *g*
julia_herejulia_here on August 18th, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC)
The Starbucks at my usual Top Foods usually has a few old ones at the bottom of the pile...

Julia, if I hadn't figured out I was spending about $100 a month at Starbucks I'd get The Stranger more often
(Deleted comment)
Anna S.: tina-turnereliade on August 18th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)
Re: Real quick and
You mean a Batman one...? *is slightly confused but kisses you*
squeeze me, stomp me,  make me wine: DLM - mason point and staremoosesal on August 18th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
"Unfortunately, boys turn off the glans when they start having things that they don't want other boys to know about themselves."

WTF?? Dude. This is crazy!
Anna S.: daniel-stunningeliade on August 18th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I don't think boys turn off the glans.
squeeze me, stomp me,  make me winemoosesal on August 18th, 2005 04:53 pm (UTC)
yeah, I don't think so either. bizarre.
Raven: Batman worried too muchraveninthewind on August 18th, 2005 04:44 pm (UTC)
alittlebritonalittlebriton on August 18th, 2005 05:12 pm (UTC)
Well, it's good to know that at long last Batman has been outed by Robin and that they are gettin' some good lovin'. It's also good to know that ad-space sellers have no morals when it comes to selling space to crazy people.

And why is the Oedipus complex so bad? I mean, it is when it's over-used and taken too far in fanfic, but it is a genuine Fruedian complex that I'm sure exists. Does he hate comlexes in general or just that one?

And what program works for human beings? We have a program? I though we had random chaos with little or no meaning, by that's just the fatalist in me talking.

I have to go and sit on a corner in silence now. This guy has weirded me out a little too much.
ReginaGiraffereginagiraffe on August 18th, 2005 05:55 pm (UTC)
I suspect he's thinking of "Oedipus complex" the same way a normal person would think about the "military/industrial complex".

Gah. What a nutter!
Barbrahirah on August 18th, 2005 05:12 pm (UTC)
Actually, that explains a lot.
Roquelaureroquelaure on August 18th, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC)
That was completely incomprehensible. And yet, still so funny. Hmm.
Kreskres on August 18th, 2005 05:35 pm (UTC)
...or maybe there's a hidden message in it?
j00j on August 18th, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
... ... Wow.

*googles* Ah, the entire thing is on this website
ruthless1ruthless1 on August 18th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)
hooey - boyo. Perhaps he needs meds? I read more on the website and he's a successful Seattle organic business person. Hopefully he is godsmacked yet harmless and not vaguely pedophilic which is how I first read the text. But I think he just means fall in love with your self. Or I could just be stupendously naive.
ruthless1ruthless1 on August 18th, 2005 07:02 pm (UTC)
Forgot to add - at first perusal I just imagined Christian Bale and David Boreanaz makin' sweet monkey love. Then I reread it and the scenario died a sad death.
raqsraqs on August 18th, 2005 07:14 pm (UTC)
do you really think the paper didn't correct any of the spelling and grammar?
Anna S.: cat_chickeneliade on August 19th, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC)
Hard to say. They don't do it for personal ads from what I can tell. *g* But perhaps.
sophia: Ain't Love Grandsaraslash on August 18th, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC)
Crazy! I'm actually kinda surprised a paper would print this given the possible copyright/trademark violations...
torn between not okay and maybe kind of cute: randy kalpurnakalpurna on August 19th, 2005 08:15 am (UTC)
I just... can't bring myself to mock this. I can't. I feel like if I do, he's going to jump out from a bush or something and threaten me with pamphlets.
rubywisp: xander the fuck by kornpeeprubywisp on August 20th, 2005 04:36 am (UTC)
WHAT: comics - frownsluggirl on August 20th, 2005 06:34 pm (UTC)
My friends and I have been in love with this since last week. The comics shop where my friend works has the ad on their wall. I've had at least one conversation about it every day. Comic book geeks: we love our speculation.