Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.

Batman Is on His Way

This was a paid advertisement--full page--in The Stranger, a weekly Seattle indie newspaper. I wish I could spare the time to type in the whole thing. (ETA: The very savvy j00j found the full text online.) It's hilarious. But I'll just excerpt some of the best bits. All the context you need is in the headline.
"There is a gigantic criminal conspiracy going in this world, one with a bunch of criminals who return lifetime after lifetime to continue their conspiracy. I am talking about the deliberate perpetration of a disease called the Oedipal Complex..."

"Batman will destroy everyone on Planet Earth who cannot get with the program that works for human beings."

"The Almighty Lord, Batman, is the God of the Children of Israel..."

"Batman is the Vampire lover who, when you get right down to it, runs the show of existence. He's the perfect lover and then some..."

"I am Robin, Batman's apprentice and lover."

"Batman has a supply of special bat potion in his tool belt. You could call it a truth serum. It's a drug of some kind; it's no doubt the same one Satan gave to me on at least three occasions in his efforts to thwart me in the journey of awakening that I am now completing."

"Unfortunately, boys turn off the glans when they start having things that they don't want other boys to know about themselves."

His closing summation: "It is time to save the children from Satan, Allah and Oedipus. It is time to save the children from the disease of the Oedipus complex, which is like a juggernaut of death and destruction that has brought this whole human race to the very brink of self-annihilation."
Oh...yes. But hey, points for spelling and complete sentences.
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