I was googling just now to remind myself of the song artists, and one hit was for an entry in my old blog, where I said:
By Way of Sorrow (Stargate) by Sandy -- Sniff. Well, I feel very proprietary about this vid. Gave Sandy the song, and saw it in progress, and feel very loved for the fact that she made this. And it's just so goddamn wonderful and beautiful and right. I think no matter what other vids I ever see, this will be the definitive Daniel vid for me, just like Lynn's vid is the definitive Spike vid. [Motorcycle Drive-by] It captures the essential, underlying grief of his character, and his personal arc--his slow trajectory away from that grief, toward exploration and healing, and the hope of joy. Yeah.
I've also been winding myself up for several days now with bedtime stories of hurt and comfort, Rodney and John, where I make myself cry from the angst and love.
And tonight, Intersections by kaneko made me thrum like a struck guitar string with anguish and happiness. I can barely even form sentences about it because it just breaks my heart--John. I mean, I can hardly stand it I ache for him so much.
But the kicker to all this soul weather is that I've been listening to the stunning "Northwest Passage" by Stan Rogers, which has always been a Due South song--and in my mind now it's also taking on form as a Stargate Atlantis song:
Ah, for just one time I would take the Northwest Passage
To find the hand of Franklin reaching for the Beaufort Sea;
Tracing one warm line through a land so wild and savage
And make a Northwest Passage to the sea.
Westward from the Davis Strait 'tis there 'twas said to lie
The sea route to the Orient for which so many died;
Seeking gold and glory, leaving weathered, broken bones
And a long-forgotten lonely cairn of stones.
Three centuries thereafter, I take passage overland
In the footsteps of brave Kelso, where his "sea of flowers" began
Watching cities rise before me, then behind me sink again
This tardiest explorer, driving hard across the plain.
And through the night, behind the wheel, the mileage clicking west
I think upon Mackenzie, David Thompson and the rest
Who cracked the mountain ramparts and did show a path for me
To race the roaring Fraser to the sea.
How then am I so different from the first men through this way?
Like them, I left a settled life, I threw it all away.
To seek a Northwest Passage at the call of many men
To find there but the road back home again.
Just. God. The words are beautiful, but it's impossible to know just how beautiful the song is without hearing it. It will give you chills. I'll post the file to this tomorrow, along with other songs people wanted. And if anyone can and wants to link to available vids in comments, feel free.
Anyway, I'm not really saying anything with all this except that that fan = fanatic = fanaticus, pertaining to a temple, inspired by a divinity, frantic.
Let's not even mention the thirtysomething libido surge, okay? I think I could explode small suns.