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26 May 2005 @ 11:22 am
serial killers and their dogs. pubic hair. herring.  
serial killers.
I was on my way to work and I passed this guy with an adorable puppy dog. You know the kind of dog that makes your heart turn to a buttery goo behind your ribs and your ovaries explode with squee? That kind. But I'm wise to these dog owners. You can't let yourself be lulled by THE PUPPY because the guy with the leash is always a serial killer. Always. They just use the dogs as bait. Your first automatic reaction is: hey, he's got a cute doggie! He's a caretaking soul! A woobie! But in fact once you're in his apartment after the first date, he'll hack you to pieces and feed you to the dog, and the dog will gobble you up and wag its tail. Because it's a dog. They don't know better. "Here, Buster! Here's some liver!" I gave this guy a warning stare as I passed to let him know I was on to him. Then emitted tiny baby-coo-whimpers to the dog.

pubic hair.
I wrapped a gift for someone in a hurry the other morning--you know who you are--and as soon as I was done with the ribbon, I panicked and thought: Oh god. What if I wrapped a pubic hair up in the gift? I mean. Don't get me wrong. My apartment isn't *strewn* with pubic hair or anything, but once this type of thought lodges in your head, it's there to stay. What if I'd picked one up on the edge of my shoe and then scratched my ankle and gotten it on my sleeve cuff, and transferred it to the gift, destined to horrify its recipient? Pubic hairs migrate. It's in their nature. What if one gets on your money and you hand it to a cashier? What if one gets paper-clipped into the report that you hand your manager? It took EVERY EFFORT OF WILL I OWN not to rip the package back open to check it. My friend hasn't mentioned pubic hair to me though, so I've tried to move on.

herring.
You know how in a movie they insinuate that some guy is the killer, and then he's cleared of all suspicion, and then at the end, OMG HE'S THE KILLER AFTER ALL! So if he wasn't a red herring, is he just a herring? I wonder about this.

Right now I'm listening to Evanescence's "My Immortal."
 
 
 
the butcher of mayfair: oldman-punk-smokinganniesj on May 26th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
*picks a stray pubic hair off this journal entry and invites you to make a wish on it*
Anna S.: kitteneliade on May 26th, 2005 06:39 pm (UTC)
Mmm, I wish for a chocolate-chip cookie straight from the oven.

PRESTO! I just finished one actually. It was awesome.

*purr*
Trepkos: Crazy by Becky Bootrepkos on May 26th, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
was there.. pubic hair on it?
Pamgoosegirl9 on May 26th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, no. You've added to my paranoia. Now I don't only have to worry about price stickers, or worrying that I'm giving them a gift that they previously gave me, or that they will *know* that I'm reusing bows and gifts bags ... oh, no, *now* I have to worry about PUBIC HAIRS! AARGGGHGHHH.

Serial killer guy: I pity the man who goes after us - at least at certain times!

Herrings .... Hmmm. Sounds fishy to me. :)
Anna S.: kitteneliade on May 26th, 2005 06:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, no. You've added to my paranoia

My work here is done. *bows*
oracne - Victoria Janssenoracne on May 26th, 2005 06:33 pm (UTC)
Right now I'm listening to Evanescence's "My Immortal."

I think they might be a cheesy group but I like them anyway. They are good writing music.
Anna S.eliade on May 26th, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
I adore that song. I haven't heard anything else of their's though. I pick up new songs in a scattershot way. Do you have other song suggestions? :)
caia: Spike/Buffy cartoon (by _taylor & art bythisficklemob on May 26th, 2005 06:45 pm (UTC)
I'll trade you their acoustic version of "Heart-Shaped Box" for "My Immortal". Even though I hear it as an S/B song and it depresses the crap out of me.

Also, that pubic hair issue is simultaneously the most practical and the most neurotic reason to get a Brazilian wax that I've ever heard. ;-)
Anna S.eliade on May 26th, 2005 06:55 pm (UTC)
I'll trade you their acoustic version of "Heart-Shaped Box" for "My Immortal". Even though I hear it as an S/B song and it depresses the crap out of me.

Oooh! Okay--I'll post another comment a little while later today w/the file. :)
caia: Sinfest Convenience storethisficklemob on May 26th, 2005 07:29 pm (UTC)
You don't have to – I was only kiddingbargaining. You can have "Heart-Shaped Box" either way. :)
oracne - Victoria Janssenoracne on May 26th, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
Are you interested in an mp3? Can send you a link later this afternoon.
Sandysp23 on May 26th, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)
What if I wrapped a pubic hair up in the gift?

My first thought on reading this was, wow, Anna wraps presents in the nude. Kinky. ;)

As for serial killers, it's not just doggies one must worry about. Guys with crutches acting all hurt and helpless? Totally serial killers.

Anna S.: sarkeliade on May 26th, 2005 06:43 pm (UTC)
As for serial killers, it's not just doggies one must worry about. Guys with crutches acting all hurt and helpless? Totally serial killers.

Totally. Ted Bundy in his fake cast. Bastard. :P
agartthaagarttha on May 26th, 2005 07:02 pm (UTC)
And the guy who sits behind you on the bus and tries to engage you in a conversation that starts with 'Don't get me wrong, I have a daughter who's about your age...' Beware, beware.
Sarapanisdead on May 26th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
Oh my God. I had almost the exact same discussion re: pubic hairs and present wrapping with friends yesterday. Someone mentioned how, no matter how short the distance between the spool of tape and the wrapping paper, hairs will somehow manage to attach themselves to the tape, and I said that the corollary to that was that even if you were wrapping the present on the dining room table, the hair would somehow manage to be a pube. (Which maybe wasn't the best example in that company, but hey, nobody's having sex on my dining room table).
Laura Stonestoney321 on May 26th, 2005 09:07 pm (UTC)
This post pleases me greatly.
because it's all TRUE, OMG!

*lint brushes LIFE*
[Law]treacle_a on May 26th, 2005 09:31 pm (UTC)
It's a green herring.
bibliokatbibliokat on May 27th, 2005 05:57 am (UTC)
LOL!!! You are so *awesome*! I love the way your mind works. It reminds me of mine, just funnier.
Anaxila / Babbles: alias spydaddy by qill13anaxila on June 5th, 2005 10:39 pm (UTC)
I just finished your 17-part intro J/V story. You are so evil. And wonderful. In fact, you're so awesome that I'm even going to forgive the stray pubic hair I found on my book. Naughty naughty, indeed.

Hee.