Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.
eliade

jitterbuggish

I stand on the edge of a pit filled with spam--I teeter--I dive! I am a little wound up, I think, trying to juggle my life--my eggs--my life eggs. Something like that. So, before I cut away, I just want to note that when I cut away for an "Intemperate thoughts" post, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's all stories of failure and unhappy content with regard to drinking, etc. It could be perky!content. Or just confused!content. But I needed a standard cut-tag and I couldn't think of anything better, so this is what I've got. Anyway.



I came very close to drinking last night for no particular reason. It was eight o'clock, an hour till the liquor store closed, and I was conscious of the hour ticking away the entire time. By the end of the hour I was tired. I was trying to watch Alias on DVD but ended up going to bed at 9:20. Slept. Woke. And now it's Tuesday. Which is also Day Two of a week where I'm attempting not to spend money on breakfast and lunch. Eat breakfast at home and bring lunch to work, is my plan. It's hard. I love going to the Crumpet Shop for breakfast, or lunch, or both some days, because it has a social aspect. They're nice people (it's a family business) and they know my name and we chat, plus I sit and read there--it's relaxing down time. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. It really is expensive. Anyway, so far so good on being less spendy, but it's also less fun.

At work, I can see myself getting overinvested in ownership of a certain project. I need to step back and respect the desire of specialists to own their content, or I risk putting myself in an unhappy position. I have to acknowledge that everything here has a slow growth curve. I can't just step in and take everything on myself, even though I think I'm the best person to get the task done. Hopefully, writing this down will help me keep my objectivity. Also, when I'm overinvested things get personal and out of balance. I risk focusing on work and ignoring the rest of my life, and when I'm smack in the middle of trying to get other bits of my life in order, that'd be a pretty stupid way to trap myself and trip myself up.

I feel a bit dull today. I'm reflecting back the Seattle sky, which is overcast. There is a bag of carrots on my desk. I like to think of them as THE CARROTS OF DEATH. Just because.

Back to work now.
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