Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.
eliade

Freud loves me.



It starts well. I fell back asleep and dreamed that I was dreaming about Spike and Angel having sex. And then I started to wake up--but only in the dream--and realized very disturbingly that there was an actual man in bed with me and he was molesting me. It was residually pleasurable and then as I woke up more terrifying and grotesque. He sort of carried me over to the door, twisted around him so I couldn't see his face, but when I did he see it, he was smiling. And as I got a good look at him, he left. I ran out after him and found myself in a large crowded department store in a mall, and I kept searching for the guy, looking at everyone's faces.

I'm traumatized and I run into a cop (who reminds me of Te a bit), who says, let's see if we can find him so that you can point him out to me. So we continue to look further into the mall; I keep feeling sure I'll see him, but my grasp of what he looks like is slipping--at first he was a handsome black man, now I'm certain he's an albino with long skinny fingers.

As I'm running along the mall, which is underground and strange, I keep pushing people to check their faces. At one point I open a door in the wall and a handsome guy looks at me and tries to close it, but I shove my way inside. I thought it was a kitchen, but it turns out to be a small lab and there are several foreign scientists of obscure expertise huddled together studying some kind of beakery experiment. I back out and leave.

I run into a strange woman who wants me to find my attacker but only because she can then rightly blame me for wrongly accusing him. Or something like that. The woman and the cop know each other, and the cop goes all pointy-fingered, telling her to back off. I'm bristling, but the cop pulls me away before I can take a swing. I say something provoking and the woman in turn says a bad word and hits the cop by accident.

I leave them and return to searching. It's really the searching that is creepy by extension from what originally happened, but there's no good way to describe why. It's just scary and everything is whirling and meaningless and wrong. I'm like Alice searching for the right door, behind which I know I'll find this guy again, but all the doors that I *can* find are the wrong type or size. He's hiding from me. He's gotten away.

I'm back in the department store, running around in a daze, and a woman is singing and I start to rise off the ground and fling racks of clothing around, and empty hangers, and then all the furniture and people just fade away, leaving a big brown floor, then I rise further and the lighting changes and it's a dark red carpeted floor now far below me, as in a ballroom--it's a circular ballroom, dark everywhere except for the floor below which is lit by footlights I can't see. On the upper balcony where I hover set after set of red drapes enclose the room. I see a man run behind one set; it's the man I'm trying to find. I want to make my way over there; as I'm trying, one set of dark red curtains rises, then another behind it, as if he's going to reveal himself to me.

Then my head started to tingle strangely all over and I told myself: "This is a freakish dream and you need to wake up now." And I did.
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