Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.

the eternal personal stuff of the spotted mind

My medication and I am not getting along. This is the fourth antidepressant I've tried in combination with Wellbutrin. I felt so great and optimistic over the summer with #1 and #2, but both times a side-effect kicked in. #3 was just a short-lived disaster, and with #4, my side-effect of choice has come back; also, it doesn't do a lot to keep me chipper. Doesn't have a lot of zing. Tomorrow I have an appointment for another medication check-in.

I don't have a lot to offer in this mood. Depression is very boring and pointless, and it feels like you should be able to get over it with a bracing dose of self-discipline, but that's not necessarily so. It's often closely aligned with writer's block for me--they have similarities--which is why I sometimes take it personally when people say that writer's block is all in the mind, and you should be able to work through it, mastering it with good Puritan habits of hard, regular work. Yeah, well. A lot of things are in the mind; that doesn't make them any less powerful.

I'm not really paying attention to NaNoWriMo and I don't have much energy to feel guilty about it. Bad timing; maybe next year. Right now I'm lucky if I do my weekly laundry and pick up around my apartment. Making it through takes all my efforts. It's like being lost in a forest when you're not sure you're going to make it out. It's all just maintenance right now; work, weight, life.

So cheery. :>P I must bury my face in an imaginary kitten.

In my nonwork hours I'm watching a lot of MST3K and plowing through a lot of mystery novels. L. R. Wright, Giles Blunt, Peter Lovesey, Barry Maitland, Peter Robinson, Margaret Yorke, Frances Fyfield, Ruth Rendell. Some new to me, some re-reads.

Just checking in, hello, etc. Not much to say. Hope everyone else is hanging in there even when everything feels like winter.
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