Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.
eliade

random humor



These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. Some of these are excellent -- don't miss the last one. [Not my words, I should note, but they are funny. --Anna]

> > Q: What is your date of birth?
> > A: July fifteenth.
> > Q: What year?
> > A: Every year.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> > impact?
> > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> >
> > ===
> >
> > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> > memory at all?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > A: I forget.
> > Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
> > something that you've forgotten?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
> > which.
> > Q: How long has he lived with you?
> > A: Forty-five years.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
> > morning?
> > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > Q: And why did that upset you?
> > A: My name is Susan.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
> > A: We both do.
> > Q: Voodoo?
> > A: We do.
> > Q: You do?
> > A: Yes, voodoo.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: She had three children, right?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: How many were boys?
> > A: None.
> > Q: Were there any girls?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > A. By death
> > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Can you describe the individual?
> > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
> > which I sent to your attorney?
> > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> > A: Oral.
> >
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

> >
> > ====
> > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > ====
> >
> > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> > A: No.
> > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > A: No.
> > Q: Did you check for breathing?
> > A: No.
> > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
> > A: No.
> > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> > Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
> > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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