I wanted to write tonight. I wanted to drive my car. Instead, I lay on the couch watching MST3K and fell into a half-sleeping daze because of the very little sleep I got last night. And then I got sucked into watching The Bodyguard, otherwise known as The One Movie in Which Kevin Costner Is Sexy. Because of the whole taciturn competence thing.
If you were writing a story where one guy was a bodyguard for another guy, would you cast Xander as the bodyguard or Spike? I'd cast Xander, totally. But he'd have to be stronger and at least a bit better at fighting than Spike, so the vampire thing doesn't work so well. But in one of those all-human AUs...hmm.
A while ago I got really enamored of the idea of writing one of those all-human high-school X/S AUs. Because sometimes I like to take a debased genre to my bosom and cuddle it and give it soup. It's one of those stories I may actually write someday, unless someone else comes along and writes the ultimate all-human high-school S/X AU. And then I'd belike, "Eh, whatever," and write about slave collars instead.
Today was a sucky, sucky day in which none of my editing tools worked and everyone around me was clipping their nails, laughing like a drain, and singing off-key. By the time I left work I was worked up to a fever-pitch of shaking fury. I immediately began transferring my anger, however, into death-wishful fantasies against the few select people in fandom who've hurt and infuriated me. I was in a towering rage. And then I came home and slept.
On the TV, Kevin Costner is now playing chess with his dad. It reminds me that I finished the Stephen Fry novel Revenge the other day. Good, vengeful book. I possibly don't write about revenge enough. I wonder why. It might be therapeutic.
Lots of rage. And a return to a currently normal state of depression now that my hit of car euphoria has worn off. Back to level zero. I've been making progress on stuff I need to do to get a leave of absence from work, though. It's pretty definitely in the works now. I haven't cashed out the necessary stocks yet, though, and since I began thinking about this, they've gone down nearly five dollars, which translates into thousands of dollars. I've lately become one of those people who hand-wring and shed bitter little tears over every downturn. I never was before. I must guard against become an annoying freak about it.
I think it's time to become completely horizontal again. Lying down now.