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08 May 2004 @ 02:29 pm
timed brainstorm #3  
Ten minutes. Ready set go.

So Spike is a guy in an old black-and-white movie in a white tux with a black tie and he's a jewel thief, very Davd Niveny but not, Leslie Howard maybe? But butcher. Not *a* butcher, just butcher. And Xander is his pal in crime, or a love interest who is hosting a fabulous party with martinis and all, and Spike is trying to steal his jewels. His family jewels. Snerk.

And then one day, different story, Spike's brain is put into the body of an android and it's the future, and Buffy and everyone who've been frozen in statis for a few hundred years are thawed out and woken up and are like, wow, we thought the world ended, but no, we saved it. Angst of the frozen, confusion, and then there's Spike, who is hanging around like he always does, saving people, and still smoking, though he's an android.

This is what I get for having SciFi playing while I'm typing but okay, Willow is a scientist who is doing mad experiments on her classmates and Xander is a test subject and she gives him mutant superpowers. And he's all stretchy. Bendy. And can see through walls. And he wants to be Superman, and he says, "Give me more powers! More!" He wants to fly and stuff. Willow is reluctant to go any further so he jumps into the lab's special gamma ray machine and then turns into a giant spider the end.

Giant spiders. I can't steal other people's ideas. But I see giant spiders coming out of a wedding cake. Which is not a story, actually. Six minutes.

Fish fish, something with fish. Buffy on a fishing boat, because after Angel went to hell, she didn't go to L.A., she went and worked on an Alaskan fishing boat, having fish-related adventures. And Xander comes to find her and rescues her from her fishy fate. They embrace, all covered with guts and slime. Cue music.

Buffy is a barmaid in a small Alaskan town, with all these burly tough customers, but she can kick their asses, and she's very popular, doing all sorts of cocktail tricks. Or maybe not. She probably wouldn't have time for that fancy shit. She'd be cranky. Spike is the vampire who lives down the road in a rusty trailer on concrete blocks, with the terrible car in the yard and a funny dog. He wears plaid shirts. He only comes out at night. He walks around the woods with an ax. No one knows why.

Willow is a famous doctor and talk-show host.

Tara is a famous diva, very Tori Amos, who has mesmerized the world through song. Spike and Xander are her bodyguards.

Tori Amos in Smallville. Um, no.

One night the Bronze suddenly pops into another dimension, and it's a dimension of big trains and futuristic...stalled here.

Xander turns invisible, the invisible man, and has quicksilver madness and likes to bite the heads off small animals. Everyone is concerned. Spike is delighted.

A giant octopus or maybe a squid--no.

One minute left. Xander is in the Army for real. And he becomes a famous demon-killing hero. Or he joins up with Riley when Riley leaves Sunnydale. They have adventures in the jungle. Giant squids, buxom maidens needing rescuing, big guns, explosions, men with bleached hair--Spike! In the jungle. The end.

It's rather embarrassing to see what little floats to the top of my brain when under pressure. The creative powers of the wild mind don't necessarily yield genius. Sometimes they just yield nonsense.
 
 
 
quine on May 8th, 2004 02:34 pm (UTC)
I'm thinking genius.
Buffy is a barmaid in a small Alaskan town, with all these burly tough customers, but she can kick their asses, and she's very popular, doing all sorts of cocktail tricks. Or maybe not. She probably wouldn't have time for that fancy shit. She'd be cranky. Spike is the vampire who lives down the road in a rusty trailer on concrete blocks, with the terrible car in the yard and a funny dog. He wears plaid shirts. He only comes out at night. He walks around the woods with an ax. No one knows why.

This scenario just... does things for me. Yeah.

And also: One minute left. Xander is the Army for real. And he becomes a famous demon-killing hero. Or he joins up with Riley when Riley leaves Sunnydale. They have adventures in the jungle. Giant squids, buxom maidens needing rescuing, big guns, explosions, men with bleached hair--Spike! In the jungle.

Xander! In the army!

I die. Happy.
Anna S.: tropical_treeseliade on May 8th, 2004 04:35 pm (UTC)
Re: I'm thinking genius.
Don't die! Happy or otherwise. :>) Live happy! Enjoy the pretty vampires.
quine on May 9th, 2004 09:00 am (UTC)
Re: I'm thinking genius.
Preeeeetty vampires

::pets::
[Law]treacle_a on May 8th, 2004 02:52 pm (UTC)
Giant spiders. I can't steal other people's ideas. But I see giant spiders coming out of a wedding cake. Which is not a story, actually. Six minutes

Like it. It's got legs.
Anna S.: spuffy_kisseliade on May 8th, 2004 04:33 pm (UTC)
You crack me up. *g*
light of other daysiliadawry on May 8th, 2004 04:54 pm (UTC)
In my vernacular, that's a story. It's just not all told yet. But every good story I know comes from some image like that. Maybe I'm just really visual.
Malkin Greymalkingrey on May 8th, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC)
Buffy is a barmaid in a small Alaskan town, with all these burly tough customers, but she can kick their asses, and she's very popular, doing all sorts of cocktail tricks. Or maybe not. She probably wouldn't have time for that fancy shit. She'd be cranky. Spike is the vampire who lives down the road in a rusty trailer on concrete blocks, with the terrible car in the yard and a funny dog. He wears plaid shirts. He only comes out at night. He walks around the woods with an ax. No one knows why.

This could actually be interesting, although I don't know about the plaid shirt.

Xander is in the Army for real. And he becomes a famous demon-killing hero. Or he joins up with Riley when Riley leaves Sunnydale. They have adventures in the jungle. Giant squids, buxom maidens needing rescuing, big guns, explosions, men with bleached hair--Spike! In the jungle. The end.

This one, too. I've always wondered why there weren't any AU fics out there in which Xander actually did decide to go visit the Army recruiter during his post-graduation drifting-from-job-to-job phase.
Anna S.: spike_lovedeliade on May 8th, 2004 04:33 pm (UTC)
We could always put him in plain flannel shirts instead of plaid. And he'd still have the faded blue jeans and boots of course, and a heavy jacket--and *that* could be plaid without doing too much damage. Plaid hunter's jacket, or of course just a nice leather.
Rat Creature: WTF!?ratcreature on May 8th, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC)
Okay, some of those scenarios are just... scary. Like Willow as mad scientist. Others could make cool stories. I like the dimension hopping Bronze, I'd love to see the gang transported into a retro yet futuristic setting, with giant trains and such, like steampunk-sf, or something with the aesthetic of the Batman cartoon. I'm not sure Tara would make a good diva, but Xander in the army, mmmh...

Anna S.: seattleeliade on May 8th, 2004 04:31 pm (UTC)
I'm glad someone understood the aesthetic of the giant trains! I went incoherent as I tried to get my point across. *g*
The Spikespike21 on May 8th, 2004 03:55 pm (UTC)
keep going tho. I sense a theme trying to bubble up. Something about time and distance and, well, squid, but that could just be accidental symmetry.
Anna S.eliade on May 8th, 2004 04:27 pm (UTC)
Hee. *g*
Circe: elijah - areyouin? - killprettyxcirce_tigana on May 8th, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
Buffy is a barmaid in a small Alaskan town, with all these burly tough customers, but she can kick their asses, and she's very popular, doing all sorts of cocktail tricks. Or maybe not. She probably wouldn't have time for that fancy shit. She'd be cranky. Spike is the vampire who lives down the road in a rusty trailer on concrete blocks, with the terrible car in the yard and a funny dog. He wears plaid shirts. He only comes out at night. He walks around the woods with an ax. No one knows why.

I am so in love.
Anna S.: spike_intense_gazeeliade on May 8th, 2004 04:30 pm (UTC)
Spike would be pretty even in a trailer, wouldn't he? He'd be so white-trashily perfect, actually....
sisabetsisabet on May 8th, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC)
Xander turns invisible, the invisible man, and has quicksilver madness and likes to bite the heads off small animals. Everyone is concerned. Spike is delighted.

I am right there with you. Cool.

*picturing Xander in stage five QS madness*
Anna S.: spandereliade on May 8th, 2004 04:29 pm (UTC)
An invisible Xander would pounce on Spike just as Buffy did in "Gone" but he'd be far rougher and greedier and he'd use his teeth and he'd grab Spike by the hair and hold him still and use his mouth and Spike would come about thirty times.
sisabetsisabet on May 8th, 2004 04:35 pm (UTC)
Well - I always wondered about QS sex - cause of the temperature difference and all (and the fact that apparently Darien cannot orgasm without activating the QS gland) -- so it would be cold - but not (Bobby described it- I think in Johnny Apocolypse - as cold but not, I think. I seem to remember this) - and also - spreading to the partner - eventually QS will cover everything ...and it lowers the surface temp to below freezing -- which could really work on a viseral level when fucking a vampire. Did I mention that QS lowers surface temp? Cause that is important to me.
sisabetsisabet on May 8th, 2004 04:36 pm (UTC)
Cause of the vampires being room temperature and all.
sisabetsisabet on May 8th, 2004 04:38 pm (UTC)
And Xander's dick...not being room temperature...I mean - there could be a sensation of heat there - even without that being possible. Or something. I need to eat dinner...
Anna S.: vincent_ventrescaeliade on May 8th, 2004 04:42 pm (UTC)
Hee. You are so cute. Have I ever told you about this idea I have where vampires can take this spice that warms their blood? But most don't because they're all pro-vamp, vamp-proud and don't believe in trying to pass as human or anything like that. But Spike takes it for Xander to be all hot-blooded for him. ;>)
sisabet: bobbyfetish thefakeheadlinesisabet on May 8th, 2004 06:58 pm (UTC)
Sorry. Your Darien icon distracted me. I must respond with Bobby.

Oh, yes - spicy-vampires. Yes, Spike will do anything, take anything and become anything when he is in love. Especially when he is in love with Xander. Also, I think the Indian place down the street has some of that spice cause I can never tolerate their food at medium, I have to get everything mild. Seriously, their medium is like another places Extra-Hot.

I fell asleep while watching Donnie Darko for the fourth time in 24 hours and just woke up. Now all I can think of is a fic I read where Clark is allergic to Saffron and I think it makes him almost rape Lex. I think I read this. God, I hope I read it and I just didn't think it right now.
Anna S.eliade on May 8th, 2004 07:06 pm (UTC)
That saffron story is a real story. By Lenore, who used to write in Sentinel and has more than once hit kinks of mine:

http://smallville.slashdom.com/archive/15/aphrodesia.html
sisabetsisabet on May 8th, 2004 08:21 pm (UTC)
Oh man. I must have read it during one of my SV binges - it is like an eating binge only with fic cause I only remembered the saffron allergy and forcible rimming, and vaguely at that. But Clark at the end is so sweet. And really young.
Schuylerschuyler on May 8th, 2004 07:09 pm (UTC)
Some of those are awesome! Some of those (okay, just the ones with spiders) are going to give me nightmares. But that first one! Mrrrrr. Oh that could be a very very sexy story, written in the style of the period, as if Truman Capote had started writing slashy heist stories.
tabaquitabaqui on May 8th, 2004 11:52 pm (UTC)
Oh dear god.
Found this 'cause i love 'Subtleties', and now THIS... sweetheart, you're our of your head in a really, really GOOD way.
*snarf* 'bites the heads off small animals'! 'Spike is delighted'!
Hee.