Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.
eliade

When Harry Wed Snapey

On a recent visit, S. was wondering aloud why the unlikely subgenre of "Harry must marry Snape" stories had cropped up in HP fandom. I'd like to believe she was putting me on, but S. is a reliable source. And this morning I dreamed it--more evidence that it's out there in the fannish collective unconscious.

A young Harry Potterish boy was going to my old high school. He was European and a musician (which rhymes with "magician") and had lost his memory. He was taking it very manfully, however, and had returned to school to pick up where he'd left off even though he didn't recall anything. He was using the schedule pasted inside his notebook to find his classes. His next period, Latin class, was double-booked with the same teacher, suggesting that he had some kind of tutorial. He entered the classroom and found a desk within the general population.

His teacher was Mr. E, my old Latin teacher, but meaner (and therefore Snapish). When he got angry, he began stalking through the desks, quizzing students not so much randomly as with pointed selection, making them either translate Latin words to English or match Latin words to their definitions. He asked Harry to give the Latin for a broken vase. Harry said "amphora," then apologized as he realized that it was wrong, as an amphora wasn't necessarily broken.

Mr. E glared at him with a disappointment that seemed very personal.

In a lull in class, Harry took the teacher behind a partition to confess his memory loss. He blamed Mr. E because Mr. E desired him and had once touched his skin with sweaty fingers, thereby triggering his condition--a transfer of lust. Like a blown fuse, I guess. He kissed Mr. E in a rather hostile and aggressive way, at which point one of his classmates witnessed the event with wide eyes.

But, surprise! Harry had already explained his condition to everyone. And to remedy it, Mr. E would be forced to marry Harry in an impromptu but elaborate ceremony in class. Harry would also be marrying two others, another adult man, and a woman of about fifty whom he seemed very fond of. Mumbo jumbo followed; everyone knelt in a row, Harry touched his fingers gently to the woman's and then was given four rings to wear. He put them on and joined his betrothed in a huddle under a large blanket, but then--horror!--one of his rings began to crack. Terrible things would happen if a "Gryph's" (i.e., "Gryff's") ring cracked before the marital rites were finished.

It was Mr. E's wicked doing. He didn't want this marriage to take place and had sabotaged the magical ring. The other husband, who I suppose could have been Remus, attacked him in a fury and trepanned his head; the hole was triangular and quite large, so Mr. E's brains spilled out bloodily all over the floor.

Harry's fate is currently unknown.
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