The Stranger is one of Seattle's alternative newspapers, and every Valentine's Day they publish people's personal messages. Some excerpts.
TIMOTEO; MY BIG SMOOTH ♥♥ warm thing. I love ur contagious smile, ur kickass drumming, & ur soft, soft belly. U make me laugh, u make me cum, u make me happy. I loke u, I LOVE u! [I loke so many people, I don't even know where to begin.]
BOOGAH FACE! ♥♥ I just want you to know that I dearly love your stupid dumb face...And your beard rocks. Goddamn bugs whacked us, Johnny, you are my lover, cuppycake! ["Your beard rocks, man." - "Shut up." - "No, seriously, man, it totally rocks, cuppycake." - "I'm going to stab you in the face if you don't shut up." (<-- TM devildoll)]
TO MY SWEET TART ♥♥ Thanks for sucking my dick and letting me put it in you. You're the best! [Oh, Rodney. That's not really romantic.]
OH RHINOCEROS! ♥♥ I'm a lucky lady to have found you in here. [In *where*?] I heart you big time. Take off your glasses...let's play officer and prisoner. [Ah. In *jail*.]
MR. MAM - ♥♥ I hope this is the year you say, "I always want my Siemens to be hot on your tail." Nothing sexier than a heartfelt Siemens commitment. [Valentine's Day: When love is expressed in eternal truths.] Love - Ms. AMB
HONEYPLOP! ♥♥ You will always be the Little Sister Star-Bellied Swimsuit-Wearin' Snood to me! [She hears that so often it's not even funny.] All loves, all the time, Valentine! xoxo~Your 31 Hand Clapper
BE MY GAY COWBOY! ♥♥ Bo- You are the #1 reason I am a gay cowboy ["Thanks, Luke."] and not just because I enjoy ridin', ropin', and redecoratin'. Did I tell you I kinda like you? P.
ALEISHA! ♥♥ Happy Valentine's Day! As Night Ranger once sang, "Sister Christian, oh the time has come. And you know that you're the only one." [...]
KATHLEEN... ♥♥ I think Poison was singing about you when they sang "Every rose has it's thorn, Just like every cowboy sings his sad song, Every rose has it's thorn." [She's obsessing over those misplaced apostrophes. The passive-agressive ambiguity is just a secondary issue.]
TUNE TUNE, ♥♥ My heart still flutters for you. Je t'aime to the maximum. Love, Seahogg [Seahogg & Julie 4Evah!]
STUDIO YOU KNOW WHO! ♥♥ Thanks for sharing the love and the whoops. [Whoops. I'm pregnant.]
BOIS! ♥♥ A! we need to start going to the spot again, eat jack-in-the-box, and listen to backstreet boys... or we can have some coffee. hella. ~S.san [And then we'll watch Growing Up Gotti, pig out on burritos, and shave each other.]