July 31st, 2005


more of other people's words

I buy my share of dollar books.

From Roman Numeral Two! Top Ten Lists from 'Late Night with David Letterman':
Top Ten Least Exciting Superpowers for Comic Book Superheroes

10. Super spelling
9. Lightning-fast mood swings
8. Really bendy thumb
7. Unusually natural smile when posing for photographs
6. Ability to calm jittery squirrels
5. Power to shake exactly two aspirin out of a bottle
4. Ability to get tickets to Goodwill Games
3. Power to score with other superheroes' wives
2. Ability to communicate with corn
1. Magnetic colon

From 1,0001 Dreams:
Spaghetti is a rich erotic symbol evoking male or female genitals or pubic hair. Dreamers may wallow in a tub of pasta or discover that their long hair has turned into spaghetti. Such dreams may express a need to satisfy the demands of the libido.

That was not intentional humor, by the way.

From Bad Press: The Worst Critical Reviews Ever!:
It may be that this autobiography is set down in sincerity, frankness, and simple effort. It may be, too, that the Statue of Liberty is situated in Lake Ontario. -- Dorothy Parker on Aimee Semple McPherson

Meanwhile, I'm still reading Patricia Cornwell. The more I read her writing, the more I loathe it--her exposition is terrible, her characters speak without contractions, her heroine is obnoxious--but I can't stop buying her books. Reading her is like chewing sugarless bubble gum with vicious determination. I think that Bad Press book is catching. And why do all these titles have exclamation points?

I forgot to mention that if anyone wants any of the song files from my last post, just let me know and I can upload them from work. I think some of them are even MP3s.

I have postmenstrual stress again. Or really, really early premenstrual. I am making a hit list of bus passengers, and every item of clothing in Macy's appalls me. I used to think that it was a spiteful, unified campaign of designers to create the worst possible fashions for larger-sized women. But now that I'm shopping in the standard women's department, I realize it's all women everywhere who are victimized by the fashion industry. The hot-pink of death, flower patterns like 70s upholstery, random appliqués scraped from exploded piñatas--everything seemingly designed for sixty-year-old matrons with bad eyesight. In a desperate recoil from this, almost every shirt I own is black.

I'm tired and want to do nothing. No laundry, no bills. But I lie--I want to write, but the words run and hide from me like centipedes scurrying under cupboards. As for reading fan-fiction, there's a weird thing going on where I've bookmarked stories I know I'll love, but I can't bring myself to open them up; I think I'm saving them for when I'm in a better mood.

If I had a cat I'd be making little creaky noises at it and chasing it around the apartment right now, and when I caught it I'd scrub my fingers into its ruff and say things like, "Brrt brrt brrt, who's a little monster?"

Oh, yeah. The midthirties of the SWF, when every thwarted maternal instinct turns to kittens.

fannishly emotional

I have a new playlist at work of four songs, my SG-1 playlist: By Way of Sorrow (Cry Cry Cry), Never Die Young (Lori McKenna), In Your Eyes (Oysterband), and another one that annoyingly I can't think of right now. These are all associated with SG because of vids I've seen. "Never Die Young" is by barkley; "By Way of Sorrow" is by sherrold; and "In Your Eyes" is by Lynn. That last one is a rollicking song but when I remember the vid it still makes my chest tighten and breath catch--the most intense moments in the song match up with the vid's sharp prism of Jack and Daniel. The other two are folk songs and, lately, when I hear them, I think of what they say about Daniel and they tear my heart out.

I was googling just now to remind myself of the song artists, and one hit was for an entry in my old blog, where I said:
By Way of Sorrow (Stargate) by Sandy -- Sniff. Well, I feel very proprietary about this vid. Gave Sandy the song, and saw it in progress, and feel very loved for the fact that she made this. And it's just so goddamn wonderful and beautiful and right. I think no matter what other vids I ever see, this will be the definitive Daniel vid for me, just like Lynn's vid is the definitive Spike vid. [Motorcycle Drive-by] It captures the essential, underlying grief of his character, and his personal arc--his slow trajectory away from that grief, toward exploration and healing, and the hope of joy. Yeah.

I've also been winding myself up for several days now with bedtime stories of hurt and comfort, Rodney and John, where I make myself cry from the angst and love.

And tonight, Intersections by kaneko made me thrum like a struck guitar string with anguish and happiness. I can barely even form sentences about it because it just breaks my heart--John. I mean, I can hardly stand it I ache for him so much.

But the kicker to all this soul weather is that I've been listening to the stunning "Northwest Passage" by Stan Rogers, which has always been a Due South song--and in my mind now it's also taking on form as a Stargate Atlantis song:
Ah, for just one time I would take the Northwest Passage
To find the hand of Franklin reaching for the Beaufort Sea;
Tracing one warm line through a land so wild and savage
And make a Northwest Passage to the sea.

Westward from the Davis Strait 'tis there 'twas said to lie
The sea route to the Orient for which so many died;
Seeking gold and glory, leaving weathered, broken bones
And a long-forgotten lonely cairn of stones.


Three centuries thereafter, I take passage overland
In the footsteps of brave Kelso, where his "sea of flowers" began
Watching cities rise before me, then behind me sink again
This tardiest explorer, driving hard across the plain.


And through the night, behind the wheel, the mileage clicking west
I think upon Mackenzie, David Thompson and the rest
Who cracked the mountain ramparts and did show a path for me
To race the roaring Fraser to the sea.


How then am I so different from the first men through this way?
Like them, I left a settled life, I threw it all away.
To seek a Northwest Passage at the call of many men
To find there but the road back home again.


Just. God. The words are beautiful, but it's impossible to know just how beautiful the song is without hearing it. It will give you chills. I'll post the file to this tomorrow, along with other songs people wanted. And if anyone can and wants to link to available vids in comments, feel free.

Anyway, I'm not really saying anything with all this except that that fan = fanatic = fanaticus, pertaining to a temple, inspired by a divinity, frantic.

Let's not even mention the thirtysomething libido surge, okay? I think I could explode small suns.