June 21st, 2005


I GIP, therefore I am.

I owe coffeeandink a Batman Begins review from yesterday, if nothing else. I haven't forgotten!

I'm getting nothing worklike accomplished today. I've only accomplished things that I enjoy. Which is bad and wrong! Unless I like living in alleys, sucking rats.

Michael Vartan. That man. So. Fucking. Hot. And how anyone can bore themselves on Vaughn is beyond me. I spurn you! Except for you and you and you, whoever you are, because these are your issues, and I'm understanding, just as I'm sure you'll understand my issues with Irina. Who broke Jack's heart! On the upside she left him crusty yet vulnerable, hungry for the attention of a sexy fellow agent.

In, um, my canon head.

grey skies.

We're having another thunderstorm in Seattle. The third or fourth this year--very uncharacteristic.

The grey skies are in me too though. It's one of those days when I disappoint myself. I have the wrong kinds of energy, I want the things I don't have, and am discontented with the things I do have. I want a cat and a fireplace, and then it can rain. I want to bake cookies and watch brilliant movies with good friends. But it's not enough if I have to return to the real world the next morning. Sixteen hours a day of my own, half of them sleep--it's not enough. Some people only have the sleep, and nothing else. They work two jobs, they have families, they save lives in hospitals.

Me, I'm probably going to skip my gym session again, because I can't focus. I'll bring my laptop home tonight, pretending to myself that I'm going to get some office work done on my own time. But I probably won't.

I have unpaid bills that I have the money for, but my fingers won't fill out the checks or pick up the phone. I have unreturned movies and I'm up to double late fees now. The rental store is a block away.

This is just kittenish whining. I take stabs at grown-upness, self-discipline and responsible choices. Then I lump out. I'd like to see a graph of my life, though. Maybe it would show me a trend that the highs and lows are evening out over time.

I still want to go to Prague. I'm taking my vitamins. Tiny distracting thoughts of drinking are hitting me today, like raindrops on the window glass. But they're small and I'm ignoring them.

Nggghh! Gyhuhhh!

Those are just the sounds I make when I'm reccing. Because I get all inarticulate at the good stuff and end up mostly whimpering and jabbing at the air like an excited pink ape.

I knew that combing through the Wraithbait archive would eventually pay off with good stories I hadn't read yet. Enviromental Controls by Kalimyre. So fantastically manful. Full of men, being men. Not saying a lot. Keeping warm. I love it.