October 7th, 2004


from theonion.com

Study: Good Porn Still Hard To Find

BOSTON—According to a report released by the Institute for Advanced Media Studies, good porn remains hard to find. "Though it's true that there is 350 percent more pornographic material on the market than there was five years ago, quality porn is as difficult to find as ever," Dr. Jeffrey Conchlin said. "Sometimes, you can find a DVD with hot chicks who seem to be enjoying themselves, but usually, they've got big fake tits, the sex is either boring or way too gross, and the setting is totally depressing. This trend is discouraging." Dr. Conchlin added that porn filmmakers are at least a decade away from seamlessly combining good storytelling with hot DP.
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My flist is being adorable tonight--funny posts and cute rants and hilarious icons. Purr.

The things I ate today: a bran muffin, half a ham sandwich, a small bag of organicky potato chips, almonds, a plum, yogurt, a soup of asparagus and crab-meat and oyster mushrooms, grilled green beans, half a pork sandwich, and two oatmeal chocolate-chip peanut butter cookies. AND I'M STILL GODDAMN HUNGRY! Jesus Christ.

And I try to run at the gym and become strangled in tight shirt collars and headphone cords. Need new gym clothes. Note.

Have been having fantasies of Wes-Spike-Xander, in a weird and not at all plausible follow-up to Involuntary Bodies.

I had something else I was going to say but I've forgotten it. Some days I feel like my brain is one of those old Lite Brite easels and most of the lit pegs have gone missing, leaving me in a mysterious darkness.

Yes. Yes, I'm at a loss. And in closing:

"He was a well-built man, wide-shouldered, but he felt within himself the presence of his own femininity, sometimes contained in a chickadee's egg, the size of a pale blue or pink sugared almond, but sometimes brimming over to flood his entire body with its milk." -- Jean Genet, Querelle
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    mysterious darkness


I'm still so hungry. And, okay, usually this is a problem I know how to deal with. I figure out what I want to eat and eat it. Stunningly simple. No advice columnists needed. But this past week, I have been freakishly hungry. Tapeworm hungry. Sudden sprints to McDonalds hungry. As I am tonight. And I just ran through everything I could think of in my head, from the healthy--mixed greens, baked chicken, oatmeal--to the less so--cheesecake, ice cream, pizza--and my body seems to be telling me to eat potato chips with sour-cream and onion dip.

Why would my body be telling me this, I have to ask. Can anyone tell me? I like to give my body what it wants, because usually it has good reasons for asking, so when a few weeks ago it said "Hagan Dazs" I said, okay. And when it says, "Banana!" I say, no problem. But chips and dip, man. It feels so wrong. What lack is evidenced in this craving? Salt? Vitamin K? B6? I'm not especially craving kale, though.

Maybe I'm mishearing things. Maybe it didn't say "chips" but "lips." Except, no. Just...no.


ETA: 2 eggs, bread, tomato, still hungry, and then I glanced at the literature that accompanied my new prescription and noticed that a potential side-effect was "increased appetite." Sigh. It's better than spastic muscles, okay, but still.

You are all gazelles to me now. Prey to my SAVAGE HUNGER!
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