July 22nd, 2004


mm'kay, who dosed my water?

I dreamed that I was chasing a big rig that was heading cross-country to California, its sole cargo a five-million dollar check from social services that I intended to steal from my mother. I followed after the truck by flying through the sky--my flight rather like the elaborate hops of a winged squirrel--accompanied by my crime-fighting Great Dane, who could talk and also fly and who may have been my lover. Eventually I wound up in a mall, as you do, where I mischieviously dumped a pallet of Gucci handbags on the sales floor display table, knowing that they'd provoke a desperate rush. Given the crisis of the Gucci bag shortage and all. I have a feeling if the State of Washington knew all this, they might revoke my driver's license.

ETA: So, I left a pan of boiled tea on the stove all night instead of putting it in the fridge--it was meant for iced tea. So now it's been sitting there eight hours. Aside from the deep steeping issue, does anyone know if this is safe to drink? Or have stomach-chewing microbes coated the inside of my pan after eight hours? I wonder.

night of the iguanna

I need a new word, a special word, a word that means, "The Thursday upon which one receives the blessing of one's period, exhausts oneself at the gym, has a wisdom tooth pulled, and then is unable to have a Jack & Coke because it might disintegrate the blood clot that is protectively covering a gaping hole full of bare jawbone." That word would be mmphhhhhxxxx.

But I remain perky! Perky! ...oh who am I kidding. I want a chocolate bar. It's really just the small fact that all the chocolate bars in the world--think about that, all the chocolate bars in the world--lie outside my apartment, rather than inside, that keeps me from this indulgence.

Five hours later and my jaw is still numb. I wonder if I could stick tacks in my face without pain? I could post memos on myself. But no, no. No.

I'd write, but there are elves in my head. Soft fluffy elves. They are whispering a word, a special word. I think it is "couch."