November 21st, 2003

elijah

well, of course there is...

I've been thinking constantly in meme terms the last few days--the latest meme has been like a song stuck in my head. I made lists of unpopular opinions, then realized they're not unpopular so much as blunt and cranky and self-serving, and also likely to hurt a few people. On other people's lists, I've agreed with some points, some not; a few made me upset. I've been disconnected and depressed for a bunch of truly dumb reasons during the last few days. And I realized that I really do use this journal like therapy sometimes, because when I hold myself back from expressing things it can be excruciating, a tightness in my chest and throat. I dump moody things here because I have a hard time dumping things on friends in a one-on-one way, because one-on-one feels like a more direct demand of people's emotional bandwidth, feels needier. Me, intimacy issues, yadda yadda. Though sometimes maybe it is better to censor yourself for a while, until the mood passes.

So I didn't like my meme results, but for some reason I started thinking of things I wanted to believe, instead of outrageous opinions. Those results seemed weirder. So I made my own meme in the key of Mulder. Somewhere between faith and fantasy, self-deception and dream, lies the Anna zone....

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Still haven't watched the latest Angel ep yet. Maybe tonight. And maybe pizza. And maybe someone will deliver a basket of puppies to my door. Puppies! I need puppies. Or kittens. All good.
elijah

reader's choice

Fantastic post from coffeeandink offering "personal axioms of reading." Some of the best thoughts I've read in a while--Mely mentioned she wasn't sure if these were too obvious or not, but in fact, they're not too obvious. They make me nod in a kind of recognition at some points, but mostly it's stuff that would never even have come into my thoughts in any articulately formed way. She is a cool frood. Also, number eight is something I've been feeling a lot lately, both parts of it.

I live number ten most days, so I have to hug her for that one. *g*

Am rewatching "The Italian Job" for glossing. Don't anticipate writing any slash (sorry!) but it's very enjoyable. Am trying to imagine who I'd slash Lyle with if I were going to slash him--Handsome Rob? Hmmm.
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    desperately upbeat