October 31st, 2003



I dreamed this morning that a woman at a bakery parked her car on my new pair of shoes and they were all mangled and I took them away and was upset.

Do you think Freud ever listened to someone describe a dream and said, "No, no, that's actually not meaningful. Let's move on."

I suppose I could say instead: I dreamed this morning that a woman at a bakery parked her car on my new shoes and when I picked them up I saw that the body of each shoe had pulled away from its sole, leather peeling and curling away, and now I'm kind of reminded of how the house landed on the witch in "Wizard of Oz" and her feet stuck out underneath. And I was angry at the woman who killed my shoes!

It's all about my mother. Or perhaps Spike.

In the shower just now I realized that I don't think I've ever heard someone call themselves a Giles/Angel shipper, or describe a great G/A story that was romance not rape, or even ask, "Why are there no good G/A stories?" And as I soaped my head I thought: Well, hey. Evidence that fans are not *totally* insane. Go, us!

Of course now that I say that. No, no--go ahead and be nutty if you want! I won't mock you. Much.

the dawnverse

How many people think that if you wrote a time-travel story in Buffy, where Buffy goes back to, say, S3 or S4, Dawn would be there? Was she created in such a way that she was actually born--they tweaked a bit of sperm in Hank's hoo-hah and made Dawn appear--and has been there for Buffy's entire life? Or are we meant to believe that the monks injected her into Buffy's life in her second year of college and created (and adapted) memories for every single person whose life Dawn would have reasonably touched--family, friends, teachers, neighbors--and also made up school records and gave her clothes and nail polish and a diary and likes and dislikes?

It breaks my head.

cousinjean's "The Butterfly Effect" posits that Dawn wouldn't be there in S2, and that makes sense to me. I mean, I could buy either theory. But sometimes I think it'd be fictionally interesting to write early stories as if Dawn were just a normal part of the landscape. You don't see that as frequently though. It's like: here's pre-Dawn Buffy, and she's motivated a certain way and has certain issues, and here's Buffy after Dawn's arrival, and her issues and her *memories* are entirely different. And if her memories are different, *how* are they different? How is she different now as a person? Shouldn't having a sister reshape your personality in key ways? But we never see the implications of that played out in canon; the show never explored how Buffy might have *believed herself* to have changed, given that she has a new set of memories.

I'm not saying this well...what I mean is, the show never talked slyly to us, the audience, to point out discrepancies that *we* would know existed even though the characters themselves didn't. Like, we never got S5 or S6 Buffy saying, "You always make it harder for me to do my job, like that time you came to parent-teacher night and that vamp grabbed you and Spike nearly caught me..." I've seen a few authors do that in fan-fiction, but the show played it safe and didn't beg the question too much.

As if I don't have my own existential crises to worry about. I have to go looking for them....


I'm watching "Halloween H20" and apparently there's this drug company that makes something called "Levitra," who thought that a horror movie about a knife-wielding psychotic with childhood sexual issues was the ideal match for product placement. So I watch this commercial a few times, and I notice that not once do they actually say what their drug *does*. They just remark with a wink and a nod: "Sometimes you need help staying in the game," and show a guy tossing a football through a gyrating vaginal hole moving tire swing, and you're supposed to intuit what the drug is for. I googled it just to be sure, but yes, it is an anti-impotence drug--and if you use it, you too can sink your ball through the hole.

It kills me though--the idea that men will watch this and just *know* what the pill is for, without a single explicit reference.

It's 10 p.m. and already my cable stations have dried up and there's nothing of interest playing in the genre du jour. Where's the terror? Bastards. On the WE channel, they're doing a special on the allure of vampires to women, interviewing Anne Rice and Marti Noxon.

I think I might go to bed early....

ETA: Stephanie Romanov has at least one commentary spot on the vampire special. And there are many, many goth girls. (This is called "Night Bites" by the way. It's really not especially interesting, though. Like I didn't know already that vampires were associated with seduction.)