April 9th, 2003


blood and insomnia

Yet another nosebleed. Can't sleep. I think I have an 8:30 conference call tomorrow but can't remember if it was cancelled--this happens to me now and then, when I space on my work calendar, and it's the absolute *most* infuriating thing in the world. Should I go in? What if I go in and there's no meeting? I'll go in and I'll be tired as fuck and there'll be no meeting. I'll sleep in and there *will* be a meeting, and because I've missed it, I'll get The Look from those people who got up early and went in for it. ARGHHHH.

I realized after my last post that "Take This Longing" actually does have a notification list, which I've already signed up for. I need someone to reach into my head and turn my brain on now and then.

I need to sleep.

brave little toaster

Today, I came into work.

::pauses for sound of applause, whistles, cheers::

Usually, I'm ready to be Sickday Girl on any pretext--Hmm, broke a nail, might as well go back to bed--and yet I found myself trudging gamely into work, stress-nosed and bushed...tailed. Something like that. Good thing I did come in, as I actually have work that needs to be done.

Jean Teasdale is a disturbingly real person to me, filling me with a low roil of loathing and fascination, and instilling fears that there is some kind of similar sensibility that shapes my own personality, even after you strip away the Beanie Baby obssession, the sublimated maternalism, the inane pinheaded self-delusion and optimism...um, yeah.

I got femslash as my flashfiction assignment. Of the two pairings I can choose to write, one is conventional, the other is loony. I'm choosing the loony one, of course. A thousand words. Pfffft. I can do that in my sleep waking, zombielike state any old day. Challenges are always easier to work on than one's own stuff. Whether it will actually be good is another matter.

Added another WIP to my list last night. Beer Good is adorable. S/X, nonslash, is how I'm seeing it described. Just two chapters, but immensely cheering.

Edited to add: There was no 8:30 meeting. I visualized my Microsoft Outlook calendar until I saw that blank spot, then took a chance and slept in. I am still dough-faced and bat-eyed, but the little extra bit did help.



...is the low, plaintive sound of my hunger as I try to figure out what I'm going to eat for lunch. Something that isn't cow, perhaps.

I've decided today will be the day of many tiny posts about nothing. Little zen blossoms of emptiness. Or maybe goodness.

Random Spiders from Mars quote: "At the moment, the Big Bad was slumped in the far end of the tub, up to his shoulders in bubbles only slightly more white than his perfect skin, looking pretty much at home. Then again, silk sheets and candlelight Spike was a – what was the word – hedonist. He had his eyes shut and seemed to be dozing. No surprise there; the world in general knew that William the Bloody liked nothing better than to be warm, and, like a reptile, he had to soak up exterior heat since he generated none of his own. The humidity from the bath was making his hair frazzle into unruly curls that made him look even more decadent than usual. Buffy wanted to giggle. She knew that she was punchy with tiredness and that the hot water was relaxing her into an even greater state of loopiness. Her feet poked out of the bubbles on either side of Spike’s head and she realized that she really, really, really needed a pedicure. Her toenails looked like a Zagros demon’s. Zagros toenails or not, she poked Spike in the ear with her big toe. His eyes popped open and he gave her a sleazy, lazy smile."

And now, back to work.


My Fandom Has Challenge Anxiety

I haven't paid that much attention to boyband challenges, but I think it's pretty funny that the first BtVS challenge to sweep LJ Land in a while is making just about everyone freak out. And damn, I swear there's a Willow babblelogue I wanted to quote where she what-ifs herself into a hyper, hand-waving panic attack, but I can't think of what it's from, or even if I'm just imagining it. Early Willow, of course, version 2.0 or 3.0. Back when she was precocious and perky-browed.

Then again, it could have been Wiggy Buffy.

My Thai food is filled with scary cabbage.



So for this new project of mine, the puported contact--a guy I've never worked with or even heard of before, despite that I've now done about 30 of these launches--is someone who mysteriously has a corporate e-mail address but just as mysteriously doesn't exist in the company phone tool.

Try to imagine the most eloquent look of disgust you've ever seen on Spike's face. Now cross it with this:

My Cat Andromeda Hates You!

That is me right now.


random angel wishfulness

No spoilers. Adapted from an e-mail I wrote to a friend...

It'd turn my crank if they finally discovered a way to get around Angel's pesky curse and sex him up for the network by having him bed Spike, who would never in any way make him happy--at least not according to the many fanonical examples we have to that effect, though I've seen contrary mention in regard to actual canon. (Epiphany contradicts this? Huh. I skimmed the script but I'm not seeing where it does, and memory fails me.)

Vampire relationships are interesting, because they can be taken for granted, in a sense; they're familial even when sexual, and they don't necessarily interfere with the characters' feelings for other people. The writers could do all sorts of playful stuff if they wanted--tease us with little hints, like they did with Willow and Tara. I'd be thrilled even if they never came out and actually said there was vamp action, but just gave us such gifts as an unexpected, oddly timed glimpse of Spike in Angel's room, pulling on his shirt--or maybe a shirt of Angel's, borrowed after a gooey mission, so that we could evade explicitness, except then Angel comes shirtless and barefoot from the bathroom.

See, I know I sound as if I'm on crack, but my feeling is that if you're winding down a series, you can take more chances. Go wild, right? And I, at least, was surprised by the explicitness of the themes explored in LMPTM, which I use as an example of how ME can still startle me even at this late date. But yeah, I'm insane, I know--I mean, is there any chance they'd give us hot homo vamp lovin' when they demoned up Cordelia without ever taking advantage of it? Poor undersexed Angel.

Half an hour to "Shiny Happy People." High point of my day. I am watching the clock....



1. Someone needs to come to my apartment right now and find that missing videotape.


2. For the record, Stupid Nosebleed #4.