January 29th, 2003


Mm, yeah.

I will remain calm today, even if I have to wrest calm from the jaws of fandom with every bitter, vicious ounce of strength I have in my body.

Was thinking last night about Anya. Or "my" Anya, such as she is. A notable trend in feedback on noir is about Anya, which is kind of interesting for a nominally Buffy/Spike oriented series of stories. It's nice to get praise for her, because when I started writing, I didn't know what to do with her. I remember staring "Carnival" and the opening scene was in Anya's POV. It was the first time I'd ever written from her POV and I was like, *what* the fuck am I doing? I was so tentative, and when I was done with that scene I was sure I'd never write from her POV again. Heh.

Am wittering along on the sidelines spin-off. It has a lot of Buffy-oriented stuff in it so far, which seems appropriate, especially for a "season opener", all examples of which in canon tend to focus in some way on Buffy's arc, i.e., its kick-off. Will be interested to see what happens. As I was shaping the first story I remembered a bunch of plotty stuff that, to date, I'd relegated to certain shall-not-be-written fantasies, where it happened to serve as backstory. (Even my smuttiest, most self-indulgent fantasies have elaborately detailed backstories, right down to the type of drapes on the windows. It's kinda funny.)

I must try to stop playing so much with my slinky. It's never more obvious that you're not working as when you're whipping a noisy slinky back and forth between your untyping hands....

for a few moments

Listening to Christina Aguilera singing "Beautiful" makes me so happy for 3 minutes and 58 seconds that it moves me to tears. Must get her CD. Much thanks to S. for making me cool mix CDs.

Used to come close to this feeling with Natalie Merchant's "Kind & Generous."

Come back, little zen....
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