conundrum

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16 November 2003 @ 08:40 pm

conundrum

To live, I must eat. To eat, I must go to the supermarket. To go to the supermarket, I must leave my apartment. Therefore if I do not leave my apartment, I will die.

WHY IS THERE NO STEAK IN MY APARTMENT?

I'll tell you why. Because after I went to IHOP this morning, I went shopping and I was so stuffed on PANCAKES that the mere thought of putting another bite of food in my mouth, ever again, made me bilious. I honestly could not make myself buy anything other than soda and a loaf of Emergency Wheat Bread. But I can eat no more bread. I've eaten it with peanut butter, I've eaten it with cheese, I've eaten it with a slather of mustard. No. More. Bread.

Someone, please, just drag a dead cow onto the front walk of my apartment building and toss some asparagus through my window, okay? Please?

To leave my apartment, I would have to put a bra on and everything. It's just too much. I'd have to lift my arms, and then find some shoes, and then climb the stairs, and the car is cold.

As you can see, I've emphasized all the horrifying bits so that you can better understand my angst.

Moo.

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12 comments —

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

swmbo on November 16th, 2003 09:06 pm (UTC)

That pretty much summed up my own despair this evening. I did not go to the store, either. I scrounged and had pickles and a soft pretzel.

Tomorrow - I will go to the store.

Maybe.

*throws you a dead cow*

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mintwitch on November 16th, 2003 09:16 pm (UTC)

No shit. Most people don't realize the magnitude of the loss to fandom when Kozmo.com went under. I think there was even a solar flare. I seem to recall an earthquake, for certain. I lift my drink to you in sympathy.

Nobody knows
the trouble [you've] seen
Nobody know
[You're] sorrow...

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mintwitch on November 16th, 2003 09:20 pm (UTC)

Pardon my reckless use of the apostrophe, by the way. Some of them got out of their cage and forced me to exploit them.

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zoniduck on November 16th, 2003 09:22 pm (UTC)

I feel your pain. I have been there too many times to count. In fact, there have been weekend days where the only thing that saved me from a dinner of microwave popcorn and water, was the call from my best friends to come have dinner at their place, and my complete and utter inability to formulate a plausible excuse for declining. (and my but that's a damn fine run-on sentence)

I have accomplished NOTHING this weekend. I wasn't even able to shop properly. I went to the mall, and all I managed to buy was a Cinnabon. I counted it a successful outing. I'm hoping to be more motivated next weekend, because, dude, Thanksgiving is the week after, and a absolutely cannot cook anything for other people in my kitchen until I clean it.

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herself_nyc on November 16th, 2003 09:53 pm (UTC)

Two words: online grocer.

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honoria on November 16th, 2003 10:21 pm (UTC)

{drops cow}

{waits till eliade hunched over cow tearing off fleshy gobbets; sidles up to eat brains}

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eliade on November 16th, 2003 10:27 pm (UTC)

Hee. I earned myself the brains icon! That has always been one of my most favorite icons on LJ, ever. *grin*

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minim_calibre on November 16th, 2003 10:24 pm (UTC)

Food needs to come to our doorsteps. That's all there is to it, because I never remember to buy it when I'm at the grocery store. I buy cheese, and wine, occasionally fruit and chocolate (depending on which cheese, and which wine). Almost never do I remember to buy anything that could be made into an entree. Or staple items, for that matter. I once drove to West Seattle at 2:30 in the morning because I was making marmalade and was out of sugar. (More recently, I had to send Paul out for sugar when I ran out of it in the middle of making a batch of quince honey. Note to self: stock up on sugar, as it's not like it goes bad.)

So it needs to come to us, fresh and perky and ready to be cooked.

Of course, as with pizza, I'd probably still be out of the freaking delivery area. But you close-in folks would be saved, and all would be well.

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peasant_ on November 16th, 2003 11:45 pm (UTC)

I do not understand - even out here in the peasanty wilds, minions can be summoned to bring food to the door. This is what civilisation has given us.

Speak the mantra of the middle-class: 'Throw money at problem. Problem goes away.'

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10zlaine on November 17th, 2003 04:35 am (UTC)

Yesterday, despite having tentative plans with a friend (a fairly new one, to boot, and yet despite the fact I always whinge about not having any, I go ahead and do this...), I sat around, all day. Commiserating with your post about doing nothing, yet not even in possession of the energy to tap out a bland reply.

At least you made it to iHop.

Spousage is in Omaha, so smuggled some Omaha Steaks in his luggage when last home. So, oddly enough, I too wanted a slab of corn-fed beef yesterday. I had beef in my freezer. It was too much effort to do anything with it. The energy I had was wasted on changing DVDs. (Watched Enemy of the State again, btw---!)

I understand and live your angst, pobrecita...

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boniblithe on November 17th, 2003 05:45 am (UTC)

I had steak yesterday, but it required that exhausting trip to the store. On a Sunday afternoon. The week before Thanksgiving. I spent 45 minutes in the checkout line. It was hell.

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lisby on November 17th, 2003 01:59 pm (UTC)

I understand. I can hardly bother to breathe right now, the ennui and annoyance is so great. .......see...? No breathing. In fact, I think I'll just let the faeries finish this comment...........

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