Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.

grumpy confession to make

I know it's probably a sign of evil!ego (as opposed to the good kind) or other deep stupid personal issues, but I hate making my story research transparent. I feel that I should be able to figure stuff out on my own--no matter how obscure--without resorting to asking other people. Like, I avoid putting Latin spells in my BtVS stories even though I know I should now and then for versimilitude and canonicity. But then I'd have to ask someone for help. It makes me so incredibly grumpy. I hate having to face up to the limitations of my brain or knowledge or both.

Anyway. Sometime in the last several weeks, I read a post--friend of a friend, I think--in which someone said they didn't write about Giles or Ethan because they already knew the characters far too well, because they'd *been* there--knew what pubs they'd have gone to, knew where the whole magical scene was back in their heyday, had walked down those particular streets personally, etc. (In other words, they were too close to the characters.) So, none of that is really my point. But I'm wondering: are there resources out there that people have put togther that take a stab at filling in the details of Giles's background? Resources that are "open-source"?

I was going to put in a reference to Giles at a Kensington pub and then I thought: I have no freaking idea if that's the right neighborhood for him to have hung in. What if I get it totally wrong?

Gah. It doesn't come up as a constant thing, but I really hate not being able to *know* my characters on that level without needing to have someone else explain them to me. I am a bitter, rotten little girl. Is it just me who sometimes feels this way? I always feel small and crippled and monstrous when I read the lengthy beta thank-yous and story notes of certain authors whose works reflect a healthy attitude toward collaborative efforts.

It's selfishness, you know? My own attitude, I mean. All mistakes are mine, sure, and that can be painful, but if I hog the entire process I can also claim full ownership of any accomplishments. I have so little else in my life. I think that's part of why I am so neurotically territorial in this way. But it handicaps me as a writer in some ways, I suspect.

Worse is when people give me well-meaning advice about stuff like this and I nod and smile and glower inwardly because I just want to clutch my neuroses and never, ever change.

La la la, I can't hear you.
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