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21 August 2003 @ 07:30 pm
The Ultimate Meta Post  
So I thought about doing that "friends manifesto" meme, and every time I did, I shrugged it off, and then I read rusty_halo's post about LJ etiquette, which developed a really interesting thread, and like a piece of knitting unraveling--or maybe raveling--my thoughts grew and grew into a piece of great and fuzzy blather that can be used as a handsome scarf. If you think dwelling on one's own LJ is the ultimate in self-absorbed twaddle, skip this. I'm going to link this from my user page though, so that anyone thinking of friending me at some point in the future can get a sketchy idea of what my LJ is like.

Friendy Stuff

I think of my friends list as a reading list, and I'd rename it if I could, but even as is, I don't attach a lot of emotional baggage to it. (As a list, I mean--I'm very attached to some of the people on it.) I don't add everyone who adds me, and I have no filters because I'm lazy. But now and then I do browse the LJs in my friend-of list. I'm not walled up in my own LJ. I go out and wander and look for new things to read. I'm always clicking through people's LJs to other LJs, twisting out into fandom in seach of things to amuse me.

I looked over my LJ friends list a few days ago out of curiosity, and broke it down into categories:
  • People I've known for years, am close with personally or socially, many of whom I've met: 35%
  • People I friended because I kept running across them in LJ and they hooked my attention for whatever reason (fiction, posts, comments): 19%
  • People who notably have a lot of slashy content, like QAF or X/S: 13%
  • People I've gotten to know pretty well online during the last year or so in Buffy fandom: 12%
  • People I feel oddly familiar with but know only through LJ: 8%
  • People I don't really know well yet, whom I've friended rather randomly: 5%
  • People I've known for years online, dating back to Sentinel fandom and mailing lists: 4%
  • Communities: 4%
Those of you on my friend-of list, on the other hand, are mysterious entities whom I suspect to be aliens with the sole unifying goal of sucking out my liquified brain and slurping it down with some fava beans and a nice chianti, or perhaps I'm thinking of my liver and not my brain, but you see my point. I love you all.

I almost never friends-lock posts. I've locked maybe three, ever. A few times I've regretted a post, and then made it private.

I worry less and less about being defriended, even about getting defriended en masse. I realize in most cases it probably isn't personal so much as topical.

I don't like to defriend people myself though, which is part of why I'm conservative in friending people to start with. If I stop reading an LJ, it's probably because my interests are no longer in synch with its contents, or because it gets me worked up in some unwelcome way when I'd prefer to stay emotionally lethargic, like a half-sleeping seal lazing immobile on rocks. It doesn't mean I've severed all ties in preparation for war.


I finally set up an interest list so that people could see the kind of stuff I waffle on about in here. I veer from the personal to the fannish to the general, from posts about my mood to posts about movies. I sometimes post obsessively, other times not so much. I've posted bits of fiction before, but it's not something I do regularly.


I'm kind of low-key. Not usually soapboxy. Confessional, personal.

My LJ is not the kind of place where you stumble in one morning and find 200 people milling around yelling at each other, or licking each other and singing beerhall songs. And I'm not especially talky either, in the way that facilitates long threads. There are many cool fangirls with a gift for spinning long and interesting commentary threads, like anniesj or thamiris or wisteria_. I'm more apt to move on to the next conversation before anything gets off the ground.

Plus, my own reservations about unbridled debate inhibit discussion, this is obvious. I tend to think of my LJ like my living room; it's an open house, but it's inevitable that I'll set the tone, consciously or not. I don't know what tone I set exactly, but I know it's not the rollicking party-like atmosphere that exists in other places. More like a tea party of librarians, I suspect.

I like to discuss things. Disagreement is okay. I'm not fond of antagonistic debate, though, especially on my own turf, because I'm not good at detaching, and I dislike it when people make shit-stirring into an art form as a means to exercise ego.

I'm fine with people conversing back and forth in comments, even if I'm not joining in. Feel free.


I think I probably reply to about 20% of comments. That's a wild-ass guess. If I don't reply it's not because you're not interesting. It's because I'm lazy, random, and tragically self-absorbed. I've eaten your words the way a piranha strips meat from a cow and I've moved on without giving anything back.

Hello! This is me.

When I leave comments in other LJs, it's fine if I don't get a reply. Within five minutes, I've forgotten that I ever posted anything and have begun thinking about muffins.


You do not have to ask before you friend me. Go for it!

I quote myself as saying, "I'll delete anonymous comments that piss me off." But I think I've done this just once, to date.

I can't believe I wrote this. The shame! I'm toppling over from the sheer weight of my own head!

Moving on now.
anonymous_sibyl on August 21st, 2003 07:36 pm (UTC)
Mmm, muffins. ;-)
Lumenara Dhahm: geeklumenara on August 21st, 2003 07:45 pm (UTC)
Your lj never fails to elicit some kind of reaction from me: whether it's simply a new idea that will plague or intrigue me for a while, sheer awe over your writing, or the kind of laughter that freaks out anyone else who happens to be in the room.

Your earlier comment, on the alternate reading of "the meek shall inherit the earth," was one I hadn't thought of before, at least. It was a little freaky-- usually I just subsitute "geeks."

This post had me laughing quite a few times. I'm sure you have faults-- as we all do-- but excessive ego doesn't seem to be one of them.
valentine: individualvalentine3 on August 21st, 2003 07:51 pm (UTC)
Hi ;)
Hi, I recently added you to my friends list. when I ran across your LJ for some reason that at the moment I can't remember it struck me as interesting and i thought i'd add you. I just read this post, i'm sorry if you do not want me on your friends list, and if you'd like me to, i'd de-friend you. If not, I would like to talk to you online ;) My screename is on my user info if you'd like to. Thank you.
Anna S.eliade on August 21st, 2003 07:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Hi ;)
I just read this post, i'm sorry if you do not want me on your friends list, and if you'd like me to, i'd de-friend you.

I'm not sure why you'd think that. What are you responding to in my post? Maybe I've mis-stated something.
Anna S.: baleeliade on August 21st, 2003 08:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Hi ;)
And of course, perhaps I should add, no--you don't need to de-friend me. :>)
valentine: romeovalentine3 on August 21st, 2003 08:49 pm (UTC)
Re: Hi ;)
Oh, thank you! *curtsies* I just thought maybe since I didn't fit into any of the categories of people on your friends list.
in search of a clever byline10zlaine on August 21st, 2003 08:49 pm (UTC)
Glad to know that about your name, actually.
Josselin Kohljosselin on August 21st, 2003 08:49 pm (UTC)
Muffins and the Circle of Life
When you mentioned muffins, it suddenly reminded me of that scene in "The Importance of Being Earnest" when Colin Firth and Rupert Everett are reeling after being abandoned by the women and then Rupert shoves an English muffin in his mouth and they have the little dialog about muffins.

Colin's character, whatever his name was: How can you eat muffins at a time like this?

Rupert's character: Well, I can hardly eat muffins in an agitated manner, can I?

Now that I'm done babbling about muffins, I wanted to say that I'm very flattered to have been added to your "reading list." Since it was your LJ that inspired me to first watch QAF and then get an LJ of my own, I feel like being recognized by you is like a full circle of achievement. What more is there to live for? Besides muffins, of course.
Brassy Hagmiggy on August 21st, 2003 08:54 pm (UTC)
Now I'll admit to curiousity as to where I fall in on that list. (Although I have it narrowed down to two, I believe.)

Yes, this is my own moment of self-absorption. Ahem.
Yseult: passion rules us allyseultdb on August 21st, 2003 09:03 pm (UTC)
*waves hello*
I'm also one of those people who friended you because you have interesting things to say. I'm not on your friends list and to be perfectly honest, I'm completely ambivalent about it. You don't know me from a hole in the wall. I figure that if you want to friend me, you will, and if you don't, you won't. It's [insert James Earl Jones' voice here] your LJ!!! [end insert] I don't intend to defriend you until what you have to say is of no interest to me or you drop off the face of the earth, whichever comes first.

Shutting up now and returning to lurking status.

mfthe_emef on August 21st, 2003 11:25 pm (UTC)
with the sole unifying goal of sucking out my liquified brain and slurping it down with some fava beans and a nice chianti

unifying goal...? dunno, I'm working solo, myself. Have the others formed a brain-sucking and/or liver-eating unit?
herewiss13herewiss13 on August 22nd, 2003 12:16 am (UTC)
with the sole unifying goal of sucking out my liquified brain and slurping it down with some fava beans and a nice chianti

Only the Noir parts of it. You can keep the rest.;-)

Or possibly the X/S crowd will want to divvy it up between them. Given it's size (the crowd, not necesarily your brain (no offense), they'll probably only rate about a synapse apiece.

Yes, I admit it! I friended only to keep track of Buffy Noir! The dream journals are occasionally interesting but I mainly live in (forlorn) hope of another chapter update. ;-)
zerbiezerbie on August 21st, 2003 11:32 pm (UTC)
What yseult said.

Also I have a comment hangup, where I don't feel like I should comment in someone's journal unless they've friended me back. Except that since I don't always say hello when I friend someone, and they usually don't know who I am or how I showed up on their friends-of list, why *would* they friend me? I'm just a boring lurker, a non-entity. I don't know. Maybe I should get over this hangup and start saying hi.

So, uh, hi. :)
torchflambeau on August 22nd, 2003 12:46 am (UTC)
Well, it's kind of like a tea-party where the librarians sit around in their underwear, which is sometimes very sexy and sometimes more of a sign that it's time to do laundry. Also, you serve great chocolate eclairs.
miss_tea on August 22nd, 2003 06:09 am (UTC)
The Nasty De-Friender
That's me! I'm sorry I defriended you, it actually never occurred to me that you would notice or mind. But since you posted on this subject I feel obliged to explain! I still read your LJ almost every day; the main reason I defriended you was that because you're such a prolific and extensive poster your posts pushed almost everyone else on my friends list off within a few hours, and I found I was missing their posts. Also, I initially started reading you in re the Buffy fandom as you're my favorite writer there (gratuitous but true butt-lickery), but now that you're more focussed on QaF it's not as interesting to me as I've never seen that show.

So now I feel all weird and meta so I'll shut up now. But I just felt like I should respond.
Ms. Stinkycarrielee on August 22nd, 2003 06:21 am (UTC)
I'm one of those brain/liver suckers--depends on how much protein I'm craving--who can't resist the chance to see the inner workings of a mind such as yours. I came for the fiction, I stay for the insight.
mfthe_emef on August 22nd, 2003 10:12 am (UTC)
I came for the fiction, I stay for the insight.

and I second the motion
LorienWillowlorienwillow on August 22nd, 2003 02:39 pm (UTC)
Greetings from a mysterious entity
Just for the record, I too came for the fic and stayed for the brain-sucking. Someone recced an S/X fic you were posting and after reading that and your background, I discovered you were the same author who wrote all those fantastic SG-1 fics. Since then, as the posts stayed interesting after the fic was done, I've hung around lurking. Hope you don't mind. You really have an interesting way of viewing things!

mikenekomikeneko on August 28th, 2003 12:36 am (UTC)
You do not have to ask before you friend me. Go for it!

Niftiness, just did. Am so very pleased with the brain-suc-- er, the reading potential here. (Culinary memo: As it turns out, they are also fine when mixed in peanut butter and washed down with instant coffee.)
Nathaniel Eliottemujin9 on February 21st, 2004 07:39 am (UTC)
Remarkably similar to my opinions. Into the reading list you go...
bitofaspazbitofaspaz on February 8th, 2006 01:39 am (UTC)
I stumbled across you through orlisheart's journal. Your lj is intriguing and I love the candor with which you write. I'm going to friend you. I've been in lj land for almost 2 years now. I stumbled across the vigorli fandumb -it was my first foray into slash of any kind- and now I'm a titch obsessed. I'm open to most pairings now if the writing is well done but I have most recently found myself visiting the Harry Potter world. I have attempted to write -posted one sad little pg13 (if that) ficlet, and I have some fabulous ideas for an HP fic, but I always find myself reading other people's stories rather than writing my own. So there's a wee bit about me... I'm in Toronto, I'm (gulp) 30 and I've got a 4 year old. You don't have to friend back, I just thought you'd like to know who's out there reading your stuff. Cheers darlin'.