Anna S. (eliade) wrote,
Anna S.

my morning newsletter

I started subscribing to Mark Morford's newsletter a while back ("Where opinion meets benign syntax abuse"). One of today's articles: Pat Robertson, God's Simp: In which the Divine announces plans for a major karmic enema for all of organized religion, ASAP. Read the whole story here.

There he sits, face scrunched, eyes clenched tight, fists balled up like he's clinging to the last Valium on Earth, colon in tortured knots, soul shriveled into a tiny black speck of bile and nothingness, invoking God and sodomy and incest and quivering like he's sitting on the red-hot poker of divine enlightenment itself. You go, Pat.


Apparently, it's Pat's patented 21-day "prayer offensive" (not to be confused with his customary "offensive prayer"), some sort of cosmic faux-Christian effort to oust those sodomy-condoning judges who don't agree with the Right's hardcore anti-gay agenda and also because apparently God only listens to sweaty bundles of self-righteous indignation if you implore Him over and over again for three weeks straight. Check the PalmPilot, man. God is *busy*.


Robertson is raving about his favorite demons, sodomy and prostitution and incest, like he was caught in some sort of John Waters fever dream....


God smites those who don't follow His prickly misinterpreted rules or who make the mistake of falling in love with someone of the same gender or believe in the subtle and beautiful power of goddesses or trees or magic or ancient ritual or the divine potency of sex or open-souled personal expression. Oh yes He does. Just look at Pat's desperately earnest little face. It must be true.

This is how God operates. He divides His time between remaking the entire universe at all times in all dimensions for every living creature everywhere, and giving a crap about whiny fundamentalist Christian zealots and their toxic sex phobias.
I have a feeling Mark enjoys his job.

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