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17 March 2011 @ 11:13 am
Thank you guys  
I'm going through comments now and it's lovely to read them. As I just wrote elsewhere, writing and getting responses helps me feel connected and safer. Like I haven't totally fallen off the grid. I've been isolating myself (or "self-isolating" to use psych-speak) for a long time. I've been so alone, largely of my own making, and the loneliness has been pretty crushing. I need to stop self-crushing, I guess...or something like that. It got to where I felt as if a large, critical portion of my brain had been excised, leaving this empty space, void of will and life. I need to work on ways to better describe that feeling. (It's good to be working at words again.)

It's definitely enough for me to write and be read, and to get responses. On the other hand, I'm not a completely crazy person, and I'm not to proud to turn down offers of help. I know very well both how karmically good it feels to give help, and how excruciating it can feel to ask for it. I've had trouble asking before. Now I'm not so much asking as just accepting. I'm willing to accept what help has been offered, hugs, good thoughts, and all the rest. I have a PayPal account already associated with my eliade@gmail.com address, and I'm pretty sure that's sufficient to receive transactions...(?)

You can be sure I'll fund my own rescue first and foremost. I'm not cut out for the streets. But I also haven't been able to entirely shut down my impulse to do stuff for others. I've already been a bit more spendy that I should helping other people out, and I beed to keep that in check so that I'm not undermining my own escape efforts. But I also desperately want to do something for the CRP wing where I'm staying. It has a pitifully small common area with close to zero amenities, and a little would go such a long way. There's no hand soap, for instance; no AA Big Book, no Bible, nothing on the walls, no games whatsoever, not even a pack of cards. I could spend just twenty bucks and improve the atmosphere strikingly. And I want to. And I'd like to know that if my bunkmate is half-starving, I can supplement her diet once in a while with a fruit cup or a Subway sandwich.

Anyway. I'm still going through comments and feeling very *huggy*. I have a doctor's appointment in a little while, then I'll be hopping back online for some additional time, before returning to the shelter around 4:30, which is when they open their doors again after the grand extermination event.

::waving from Seattle::
Kasskassrachel on March 17th, 2011 06:18 pm (UTC)
It is so good to hear your voice again. I just keep wanting to wave and be all hiii! welcome back! hiiiii!

deaver: Scruffy Handeaver on March 17th, 2011 06:34 pm (UTC)
I'll second kassrachel, it's really lovely to have you back around here - you've been missed. *hugs*
Cassandrageekturnedvamp on March 17th, 2011 07:17 pm (UTC)
Hey, I've been thinking about you a lot this week and I'm glad you're reaching out again! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Her Head Exploded! How Cool Is That?zee on March 17th, 2011 07:40 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
eaceac on March 18th, 2011 03:48 am (UTC)
I'd be willing to drop small gifts both to Anna and the CRP, fwiw...
Trepkos: Arthur and Kai eyefucktrepkos on March 17th, 2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you for letting us help.
dovildovil on March 17th, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
Yay, good on you! And hugs right backatcha.
(Deleted comment)
Alizarin_NYC: Amy  Pondalizarin_nyc on March 17th, 2011 08:32 pm (UTC)
Good to hear your voice. It's okay not to be able to shut down your impulse to do good stuff! Just include yourself on the recipient list.
in search of a clever byline10zlaine on March 17th, 2011 08:58 pm (UTC)
I'm so very glad you are here, and posting.

Your words are important. Please keep using them.
JaneDavittjanedavitt on March 17th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you for letting us help and wanting to pass it on ::hugs::
Her Head Exploded! How Cool Is That?zee on March 17th, 2011 10:14 pm (UTC)
Hey Anna, would you like to set up, or have one of us set up, a ChipIn account for you so that your PayPal info/real name stays private?
the_shoshannathe_shoshanna on March 18th, 2011 01:33 am (UTC)
I hope the words build a bridge back from your isolation and help to fill in the emptiness! It's so good to read them, and to hear from you.
rubywisp: misc: stand under my umbrellarubywisp on March 18th, 2011 02:45 am (UTC)
i am just catching up here, and i don't know what i could possibly say in the face of all that is going on in your life. but i am enormously glad to see you. *hugs*
"I don't care how delicious he is, he's EVIL!": secret valentineshrift on March 18th, 2011 05:03 am (UTC)
I'm glad you're alive and posting, and letting us send some help. *hugs*
MELODY GLOUCESTER PEGASUSjolielaide on March 18th, 2011 05:13 am (UTC)
Hi hi! It's so awesome to see you posting regularly. Um, I wonder if there's a way we could mail some stuff to you/your bunkmates? We've got lots of extra books and packs of cards and stuff that sounds like it would be more useful to you guys. I don't want to intrude or invade your privacy, so maybe it's not appropriate to mail you a package, but maybe I could check to see if the place you're staying accepts donations of goods?
flaming museflaming_muse on March 18th, 2011 11:58 am (UTC)
What a great idea. If there are children there in the shelter as a whole, I could also send a bunch of toddler clothes and toys as well as adult books.
(Deleted comment)
ruthless1ruthless1 on March 19th, 2011 12:33 am (UTC)
Re: If Anna's amenable
Keep me posted on this one too - it's a great idea.
MELODY GLOUCESTER PEGASUSjolielaide on March 22nd, 2011 03:41 pm (UTC)
Re: If Anna's amenable
That would be great. We've already started a little parcel to send, if and when the time is right. Keep me posted, and thanks!
The Larch: fifty foot larch (calendae)the_larch on March 23rd, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)
Re: If Anna's amenable
Yes, this! We could make this happen.
Amy WWamyww on March 18th, 2011 05:22 am (UTC)
How about we send money to the center, too? Can you tell us the name again?
tabaquitabaqui on March 18th, 2011 05:37 am (UTC)
I'm glad you feel like you can accept help, that it doesn't diminish you or shame you. I wish i could offer *more*, but I can't, i just offer a little babble and some hugs.

lyrstzhalyrstzha on March 18th, 2011 09:16 am (UTC)
I'm glad you keep posting; it is good to know you're still out there and working with words. *hugs*
Ditto: SHAKATANYPEACEstretfordditto on March 18th, 2011 12:45 pm (UTC)
Can't you write stories for people and they'll send you money? I'd be more than willing to pay for the pleasure of reading more of your work as you're a fabulous writer.
Killa: dean *hug*killabeez on March 18th, 2011 02:45 pm (UTC)
I know we don't really know each other, but I'm going to echo the sentiment that it's really good to hear your voice around here.
Lucy: ozmacereta on March 18th, 2011 04:01 pm (UTC)
{{hugs}} I'm sorry I somehow missed your previous posts, but it is good to hear from you.
Agnesbientot on March 18th, 2011 05:16 pm (UTC)
So sorry to hear how difficult things have become for you! After a year and change with no income I've finally started getting Social Security Disability money and would be very pleased to be able to share with you. Please keep updating and don't worry about responding to comments unless you really want to.
Sylvikefishsanwitt on March 18th, 2011 05:29 pm (UTC)
Send ::hugs:: from wintery Winnipeg.
Destina: nature flowers (corner)destina on March 18th, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
*sends you a basket of hugs, and support*
chaya16chaya16 on March 18th, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC)
Hi, Anna. I live in Ballard, and would like to help. Please let me know how I can be of service.
ruthless1ruthless1 on March 19th, 2011 12:32 am (UTC)
Some $ sent - will send more when I get paid again April 1. I am glad you are taking this help. And even more I am glad you are writing to us - that does keep you connected.
Once upon a time...mickeym on March 19th, 2011 04:14 am (UTC)
I've sent a little bit, and will send more when I get paid next week. I know how hard it is, to be in a place where you need help, and to ask for it--or accept it. I'm really glad you will let us help you. I know there have been points in my life I wouldn't have been able to keep pushing on if not for the help of my friends.

Take care of yourself, please, and know that you have a lot of people who care about you, thinking about you and cheering you on.

a rhetoric of preservationiststesserae_ on March 19th, 2011 11:11 pm (UTC)
Good to see you back around fandom!

Is there an address where in-kind donations can be sent, books & toiletries and the like? I have loads of books I'd otherwise take to the library...
snufflesdbear (Tamy)(Allie the Sylum Gator)snufflesdbear on April 11th, 2011 07:44 pm (UTC)
would there be an address that someone could send a "care" package to the CRP? I hope you don't mind if I add you as a friend. You sound like a very brave woman. And so kind hearted, as well. I would like to follow you on this journey you are on right now.
AmyCat: Gryphon&Bjornamycat1959 on April 14th, 2011 10:52 pm (UTC)
...I also desperately want to do something for the CRP wing where I'm staying. It has a pitifully small common area with close to zero amenities, and a little would go such a long way. There's no hand soap, for instance...

I'll be bookselling at NorWesCon (in SeaTac) next week; if you want, I can put a collection bag out at my Dealer booth for people to donate the little soaps and shampoos from their hotel rooms, and get a local friend to drop 'em off at the shelter for you...

If this would help, let me know...