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04 January 2006 @ 04:01 pm
strangely, this wasn't even my badfic assignment...  
Kafkaesque

When John turned into a giant bug, he refused to leave his quarters. In response, throwing everyone for a loop including himself, Rodney moved in. He set up a makeshift office centered around his laptop and coffee cup and took over the bed, since John wasn't using it.

John looked like a large praying mantis, with glossy black chitin, iridescent wings, and antennae that spiked and drooped like moody minimalist hair. His eyes were big and intense, completely dark but strangely expressive. He also chittered irritably from time to time, usually when Rodney was talking. They were apparently still arguing. Rodney was trying to learn John's language so that he could better justify his positions, though it was pretty clear that John still understood English just fine.

John also still had the ATA gene, which everyone agreed was unfathomable. But whenever someone stopped by to see Rodney, John mentally slammed the door shut again before they could enter.

"I don't know why you're so embarrassed to be seen," Rodney complained after John locked Radek out.

"Xtkxx'rrxxx!" John's wings lifted and buzzed in a spasm of emotion and his feelers waved wildly around. Incomprehensible and useless; but Rodney had gotten used to holding up his own conversational end without worrying too much about John's. It wasn't as if he'd ever listened that closely before.

"Oh please. You think I'd care if it happened to me? If someone laughed I'd just bite their head off. Literally, I mean."

John's own head lowered and his feelers poked the air meaningfully in Rodney's direction.

Rodney gave him a sour look. "Don't get any ideas." He resumed typing. "I'm the person most instrumental to your recovery--besides Beckett."

"Xtt'vckxxvvttttt."

"Lorne just gets you bugs. Though I suppose that's important too. They say the way to a man's thorax is through his abdomen." He paused, frowning to consider that. "At least if you're heading upwa--hey!" A claw was scraping at his shoulder, rucking the material of his shirt in aggressive little movements. "Excuse me for trying to stay upbeat!"

John hunched over a bit, feelers drooping, and his grasp loosened as if he couldn't sustain his temper. His eyes were dark, despondent wells.

Awkwardly and impulsively, Rodney took his claw in hand. "We're *going* to reverse this. Trust me."

John bent his head lower and rested it on Rodney's shoulder. "There, there," Rodney said briskly, unsure what to do. Thankfully the door buzzed before he was required to come up with any other sentimental gestures. "Um. I think your flies are here."
 
 
 
superheroes failing at oatmeal: this is my SQUEE facesome_stars on January 5th, 2006 12:05 am (UTC)
see the face in my icon?

THAT IS THE FACE I AM MAKING.
eaceac on January 5th, 2006 12:07 am (UTC)
...put down the Kafka...
Iphiginia Saberhagenfanofall on January 5th, 2006 12:10 am (UTC)
Mere words cannot express your brilliance. I bow to your superior writing. :-D
(Deleted comment)
Everybody wants a thrillkelly_girl on January 5th, 2006 12:10 am (UTC)
Hee. The crack must be tasty in your part of the world. Loved it.
Girl with Spoon2am_optimism on January 5th, 2006 12:11 am (UTC)
omg - antennae!fic has hit SGA!

Run!

*ducks*
lalejandra on January 5th, 2006 01:04 am (UTC)
HEY.

The antennae did great things for lotrips. And HP. And due South.

*cuddles antennae*
after me, the deluge: nibbled to death by dinosiamsab on January 5th, 2006 12:13 am (UTC)
*sniff!*

Sad! adorable! Rodney understands everything John is saying, and John's just clearly trying to cling to McKay's affections. Cling, little minimalist-haired bug! Cling, you gentle-eyed monster! Rub your bug parts on Rodney's human parts! Because the longer you stay a bug, John, the more likely it is Rodney will seek his sexcapades elsewhere, and I'm just sayin', Ronon's a lot less chitonous.

*

(Also! I got drugs in the mail, wrapped in a very satisfying piece of greenish handmade paper that smells deliciously like the inside of a cigar box! Thank you so much! Exclamation point! I'm sending good hoodoo to wipe the dead-kitten dreams away, although fried kittens have taken up residence in my crazy brains now, too. And I dreamed that, despite our most concerted efforts, fmangel got pulled apart by zombies. *sigh*)
Anna S.eliade on January 5th, 2006 12:17 am (UTC)
Cling, little minimalist-haired bug!

*love*
rachewickedwords on January 5th, 2006 12:14 am (UTC)
I'm back to the tick and arthur, you know. *G*
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What the hell is up with the mummy?!: OHserialkarma on January 5th, 2006 12:16 am (UTC)
Wow. If Rodney McKay had been around during Kafka's time, The Metamorphosis could have been an engaging if slightly surreal love story.
Trepkos: Giggle by Angstpuppytrepkos on January 5th, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
"They say the way to a man's thorax is through his abdomen." He paused, frowning to consider that. "At least if you're heading upwa--

BWAHAHAHAHAH!
I use my "Giggle" icon but it's a poor representation of my hilarity at this moment.
double-oh-well: Dark!John / lindir_jaxno_detective on January 5th, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
This is Kafka.

This is Kafka on SGA crack.

*dies gleefully*

Now we know who has the Atlantis stash! Your ficlet is so much better, not to mention more lyrical, than my musings on John D'Ark.
tabaquitabaqui on January 5th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC)
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAaahahhahhahaa.
*ahem*
Okay, love it.
Minimalist moody antennae hair!
*pets the boys*

So, so fun.
miriam heddymiriam_heddy on January 5th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC)
You're horribly incapable of writing badfic, you know that, don't you?

Sigh. This is so wrong.
"She Who Procrastinates"logovo on January 5th, 2006 12:49 am (UTC)
Oh dear.