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19 December 2005 @ 01:29 pm
so. crushingly. bored.  
I wasn't going to post this until I finished it, but if I don't discharge some words today I will start beating my head against the wall.



1.

"How the hell did a pregnant cat get aboard the Daedalus?" Weir asked, staring in bafflement at the storage bin and the swollen slit-eyed creature that had nested inside it. It curled on its side on top of someone's donated shirt. It seemed to be pointedly looking away at this question.

"They're not...entirely sure," Sheppard said, tilting his head and folding his arms. Weir's arms were folded too, but she wore the pose like a straitjacket as if she might fly off the handle if she loosened up.

Ronon peered over Weir's shoulder, brows knitted. "Is it a rodent?" It wasn't clear to him how much distaste or interest was appropriate.

"A rodent?" McKay came up in a rush with an awkward armful of bowls and towels and jingling gewgaws that were probably toys of some kind. "You are looking at the Queen Slayer of all things rodentine. Felis catus, the domestic cat." He smiled widely and settled on the floor as if kneeling at worship.

Ronon tuned out McKay's words almost at once and watched his hands as he fussed over the animal. What people said could be revealing, and Ronon listened when it was useful, but he gave more weight to actions. In actions Rodney contradicted himself, often enough that Ronon couldn't dismiss him as a noisy handicap in the field. He bitched and moaned about the demands on his time when Sheppard made him take PT and arms practice, but met requirements; whined about the poor fit of military-issue boots, but trudged as far as anyone. He showered his people with insults, but defended them from attack--something that reminded Ronon of his old drill chief; or his task-master, if he'd still held Kell up for favorable comparison. And Rodney cared about people--the few he considered of value. Under the abrasive surface was loyalty; under the chittering fear something approaching bravery.

"She's due soon," Rodney said. He was palming the animal's stomach. "She's in her eighth, maybe ninth week."

"Know a lot about pregnant cats, do you?" Sheppard asked, staring down at the top of Rodney's head with dry amusement.

"My mother collected strays. We always had three or four around the house and an uncanny number of them seemed to arrive expecting. Within a few weeks, the place would be crawling with kittens." Rodney stroked the cat's side gently. "The neighbors started hiding when they saw my mother with a basket."

Weir shifted her weight. "I thought you had allergies."

"Yes, they were much worse then. I spent my first twelve years generating snot in alarming volumes."

"I *so* didn't need to know that," Sheppard said with a wince.

"But cats are worth it. You're worth it, aren't you, Hypatia?" He chucked the cat under her chin. It lifted its head and made a loud thrumming sound.

"Hypatia?" Sheppard slid a sidelong look at Weir, who dipped her head and observed Rodney with an indulgent smile.

"Oh, and what do you want to name her--Britney? Angelina?" His tone was scathing, but mild for him.

"Ex-girlfriends?" Ronon asked Sheppard, who shot him back a pained look when Rodney crowed with laughter.

"He only wishes."

"Pop stars," Weir said, as if that explained everything. Ronon didn't press for more. He'd heard the Atlantis people use the words separately and could put them together in a way that made enough sense to get by. He stored the term away for reference.

"Anyway, why do you get to name her?" Sheppard asked. Ronon could tell he was just being contrary.

"Owner's prerogative. Though I must admit I feel rather disloyal--cats are incredibly sensitive. I wouldn't be surprised if Hubble was getting some kind of intergalactic vibe that I might be transferring my affections. He's probably desolate, baseless though it is. By the way, I realize that whole vibe theory is scientifically unsound. You won't repeat that, will you?" He glanced up at them.

"Back up," Weir said, raising her brows. "What makes you think you're her owner?"

"Of course I'm her owner. Who's taking care of her?" Me, his tone said.

Miko and Radek hurried up at that moment. Miko was holding a fuzzy item that Ronon couldn't identify. He could tell it was knitting though. Every time he'd seen her she was working on something with her needles and yarn.

"I have made sweater," Miko said, her voice a soft, pleasing lilt. She smiled and held up a blue tube for everyone to see. Weir made an appreciative noise.

"Oh, please." Rodney projected outrage. "This is a patented attempt to curry favor with my pet and steal her from me."

Miko looked alarmed.

"Rodney!" Weir said, dander up. "The cat is not *yours*. She's everyone's."

Rodney's mouth turned down and his jaw set. "Fine," he snapped, petulant as a toddler but not as unappealing as he should have been. "But I have dibs on my choice of kitten."

"No, you don't." Weir was firm. "I've had twelve people in my office already this morning calling 'dibs'. We're holding a lottery."

Shock at this injustice wrote itself across Rodney's face. "That's preposterous. That's a completely arbitrary system of distribution. Kittens should be granted on the basis of rank and seniority."

"Kittens will be *granted*, Rodney, by lottery." Weir drove her decree home with an authoritative look and then left, probably for one of her many meetings.

"This is so unfair." Rodney gazed unhappily at Hypatia.

***tbc***
 
 
 
daddy's not done talking: jinnie::the marsterheisersros_fod on December 19th, 2005 09:32 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeeeeeee.
Anna S.: dh-and-dogeliade on December 19th, 2005 09:39 pm (UTC)
OMG PUPPIES! NOSE BITING!

So. Freaking. Cute.
(no subject) - agentotter on December 19th, 2005 10:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade on December 19th, 2005 10:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - metron_ariston on December 20th, 2005 12:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade on December 20th, 2005 05:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Kreskres on December 19th, 2005 09:36 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeeeeee! *points*

Cats!

And tbc!

Yay!
Anna S.: dino-sex-faneliade on December 19th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
TBC stands for Terrifyingly Bitchy Cat. Which I'd be too if I were pregnant.

(Just kidding, btw. TBC stands for Toward Bed Copulation.)
superheroes failing at oatmeal: kitten fried steaksome_stars on December 19th, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC)
KITTENS WILL BE GRANTED.

Oh my god I have no words for how much I LOVE THIS. Tiny snot-producing Rodney with his cats! (And I love that tiny detail of his mother collecting cats even though he's allergic. *SIGH.*) And RONON omg--"Is it a rodent?" S;LDAKH;LKSGH I FLAIL WITH LOVE. KITTY KITTY KITTY.
Anna S.: cat_chickeneliade on December 19th, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)
Oh my god I have no words for how much I LOVE THIS. Tiny snot-producing Rodney with his cats!

Tiny snot-producing Rodney! There needs to be an illustration for that.

(And I love that tiny detail of his mother collecting cats even though he's allergic. *SIGH.*)

Yes. At one point when I was growing up--and DROWNING IN MY OWN SNOT--we had eight cats, two dogs, and a cockateel.

And RONON omg--"Is it a rodent?" S;LDAKH;LKSGH I FLAIL WITH LOVE. KITTY KITTY KITTY.

*holds your hands and bounces up and down grinning*
*matando tiempo sin piedad desde 2002*logovo1 on December 19th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
Kittens! On a Monday even! Things are looking up.
Anna S.: cat-adorableeliade on December 19th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
:D Look up and ye, a little kitten shall fall upon you like a snowflake from the sky! Except heavier.
rache: rodney flag by ForCryinOutLoudwickedwords on December 19th, 2005 09:42 pm (UTC)
Kittens!!!
Anna S.: kitteneliade on December 19th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
Yes! :D
(Deleted comment)
Anna S.eliade on December 19th, 2005 09:47 pm (UTC)
Re: chin. deep. in kittens.
Can I bring Rodney home in a basket?

Well, only if he's a chopped-up torso or a severed head. So, no.

*runs from you in fear*
(Deleted comment)
Re: chin. deep. in kittens. - eliade on December 20th, 2005 05:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Loligololigo on December 19th, 2005 09:55 pm (UTC)
Kittens should be granted on the basis of rank and seniority.

Hee hee hee! Oh, how I love this happy, happy fandom....
Anna S.: rodney-turtleeliade on December 19th, 2005 10:28 pm (UTC)
I know. It makes me happy too. I banish the devils of badfic and bickering to beyond its borders. Apparently with a lot of alliterative magic.
Raven: Rodney explainsraveninthewind on December 19th, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC)
*squees*

Love it!
Anna S.: john-rodney-intenseeliade on December 19th, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
all right, so you're nonchalant: that's doctor mcsmartypants to yourunpunkrun on December 19th, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
KITTEN LOTTERY.

I love Rodney's soft underbelly of cat worship. He tries to be such a sarcastic badass, but the man has a picture of his cat on his nightstand. His weakness is cats!
Anna S.: dino-life-decisionseliade on December 19th, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
His weakness is cats!

He was once arrested for stealing milk for a starving kitten! He is also on the board of ICPOK (International Coalition for the Protection of Kittens.)
Advection: awwadvection on December 19th, 2005 10:03 pm (UTC)
Nope, not being distracted from the wonderfulness of the Ronon pov by the adorableness of Rodney or the cat or the prospect of kittens or, you know, the whole scenario. Nope.

OK, that sort of made no sense. But I really liked this.
Anna S.: alien reseliade on December 19th, 2005 10:24 pm (UTC)
Yay! And for my sequel...Ronon gives BIRTH to kittens!

I just keep getting better and better with every year writing fan-fiction. It amazes me.
yonmei on December 19th, 2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
Kittens! Possessive!Rodney!

You're doing this to get me to read Ronon/Rodney with enjoyment, aren't you? Aren't you?

OMGsquee kittens!
Anna S.: jesus-tiny-dancereliade on December 19th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
You're doing this to get me to read Ronon/Rodney with enjoyment, aren't you? Aren't you?

Ha ha HA!

*omg platypus*
(no subject) - yonmei on December 19th, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Edmund Crankypants: Santa Hermiodanitac588 on December 19th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC)
*squees*
Oy and oy again. Poor Rodney, totally taking her for his! Hmm, I'm sure Shappard will do something to put his bf out of his misery, no?
Lovely, just lovely and so very cute.
Anna S.: puppy-eyeseliade on December 19th, 2005 10:22 pm (UTC)
So sad that Sheppard is a dog person! But maybe some_stars can turn him into a puppy again and he can be his own pet.
(no subject) - some_stars on December 19th, 2005 10:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade on December 19th, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - some_stars on December 19th, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
tabaquitabaqui on December 19th, 2005 10:08 pm (UTC)
Wheeeeeeeee!!
Dude. I adore kittens. And have almost successfully *not* written them or cats into any fic. Just twice.
But this! Yes!!
*bounce*

I love Ronon's observations of Rodney. Fun stuff!
Anna S.: dino-existentialeliade on December 19th, 2005 10:21 pm (UTC)
It is hard to keep kittens out of stories. They keep crawling in over the sides.
(no subject) - tabaqui on December 19th, 2005 10:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Doctor Science: pet.the.tummy.mecurtin on December 19th, 2005 10:09 pm (UTC)
Too.Cute.For.Words.

That means someone should definitely draw you a picture/make a manip. Rodney/Kittens!!11!OMGCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(the above squeel brought to you by the 10-y.o.Distant Future of Fandom, who was lurking.D) Reading too.
Anna S.: ronon2eliade on December 19th, 2005 10:20 pm (UTC)
Rodney/Kittens!!11!OMGCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hee* Yay! Though...later there may be kissing. whispers: you know, like, hot man-on-man action
What the hell is up with the mummy?!: kitty!serialkarma on December 19th, 2005 10:09 pm (UTC)
KITTENS.

Kittens make everything better. Particularly when they get big enough to crawl all over Ronon and get in his hair and he walks around asking "Are you *sure* they aren't rodents?"
Anna S.: rononeliade on December 19th, 2005 10:14 pm (UTC)
Particularly when they get big enough to crawl all over Ronon and get in his hair and he walks around asking "Are you *sure* they aren't rodents?"

*dies* Possibly I will write that in just for you. If nothing else, I will picture it with glee. And squee. And hee. *g*
(no subject) - serialkarma on December 19th, 2005 10:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade on December 19th, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - serialkarma on December 19th, 2005 10:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)