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02 November 2005 @ 12:53 pm
.......  


I've reached the nadir today. I called for a psych appointment just now; they had an opening tomorrow that I took. I don't have any real point in posting this. I'm just inert and I had to sit through a one-on-one with my manager for 45 minutes feeling like a block of wood. Which he was quite aware of. Painful.

My co-editor recently relocated desks and is now across from me. He's a seasoned, avuncular guy--I like him. But he's kind of a woe-is-me workaholic and now when I'm in a funk the discrepancy between us becomes more obvious, and I feel suffused with guilt every time I go to lunch, when he works through lunch at his desk. And comes in early. And works from home in the evenings. BASTARD.

I'm so going to lunch now though. Because I keep staring dully at things and doing nothing.
 
 
 
Herself_nycherself_nyc on November 2nd, 2005 08:57 pm (UTC)
Being that kind of workaholic is just a sign that you have no boundaries and no life, so please don't get hung up on what he's doing — it's not healthy.

As for you, I'm really sorry you're low again. The meds aren't working as they did before? (You were taking a couple different ones, weren't you?)

I hope you can get sorted out quickly. Meanwhile, I'm rooting for you. :: hug ::
thegrrrlthegrrrl2002 on November 2nd, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
Being that kind of workaholic is just a sign that you have no boundaries and no life

Thank you. Yes! It is so true. Add to that a need to reassure yourself that you are dreadfully important, so important to the company that you can't stop working for even a *minute*.

I've worked with folks like that, and used to feel inferior until I realized that they were the ones with the problem, not me.
(no subject) - alizarin_nyc on November 2nd, 2005 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
WesleysGirlwesleysgirl on November 2nd, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
*Hugs you*
Anna S.: tas-devileliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:10 pm (UTC)
*nugs back* I'm all typos today. I'll also offer *hugs back*.

Love your pumpkin makeover of Autumnal Wes, btw. Been meaning to tell you. :)
(no subject) - wesleysgirl on November 4th, 2005 11:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
raqsraqs on November 2nd, 2005 09:10 pm (UTC)
making a psych appointment takes a lot of energy and stuff. so i'll just say, perhaps uselessly, that you didn't do NOTHING, and good for you.
Anna S.: alien reseliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:11 pm (UTC)
making a psych appointment takes a lot of energy and stuff.

No kidding. And now I actually have to *go*. Possibly in the *rain*. Maybe I'll take tomorrow off to recover...

so i'll just say, perhaps uselessly, that you didn't do NOTHING, and good for you.

I also ate candy, she said proudly.
buddleia: Birds Uphillbuddleia on November 2nd, 2005 09:15 pm (UTC)
Huge fucking hugs to you. Stuff gets better. It really does. (And workaholics are usually badly organised, overloaded or have piss-poor priorities)
Anna S.: dh-and-dogeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:12 pm (UTC)
(And workaholics are usually badly organised, overloaded or have piss-poor priorities)

Sometimes I do wonder, but to be fair, we have the workload of 4 people and he's carrying more than his fair share of the weight. I need to do better. :P

*hugs*
lost2mercy: buffyx's Veronica Marslost2mercy on November 2nd, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're feeling low. Will it in any way make you feel better to know that I had a VERY good time re-reading your Bona Fides today? Honestly, you have much more energy than you give yourself credit for. All those stories and drabbles you write, bitching about work and overachieving co-workers *g*, going to a psychologist's appointment... That is a lot more productive than other people's days. Certainly mine. ;-)

*hugs*
Anna S.eliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:12 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're feeling low. Will it in any way make you feel better to know that I had a VERY good time re-reading your Bona Fides today?

That makes me VERY happy! :) *hugs*
Alizarin_NYC: jayne flashlightalizarin_nyc on November 2nd, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC)
You're not alone, either. I tried to work up the energy to call my psychiatrist and/or rework my finances to fit in seeing the therapist again and all to no avail. I gave up, left it for another day. Good for you for making the appt.

You WILL feel better, hang in there until you do!
Anna S.: james-marsterseliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:13 pm (UTC)
You're not alone, either. I tried to work up the energy to call my psychiatrist and/or rework my finances to fit in seeing the therapist again and all to no avail.

Mmm, yes. I'm reminded that it's now 7 1/2 months since my taxes were do. *faceplant* They'll be coming for me, the AIB. (Auditors in Black)
(no subject) - alizarin_nyc on November 3rd, 2005 10:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
nestra on November 2nd, 2005 09:21 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

Rodney loves you (and I'm rather fond of you myself).
Anna S.: kitteneliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
Rodney loves me?! *bwee* I smile.

(and I'm rather fond of you myself).

You are charmingly British in your understatement. You are the Lord Peter of affection! :) *hugs*
KarenDreamerLady: Other Tattoo Pickarendreamer on November 2nd, 2005 09:21 pm (UTC)
Hugs and good thoughts for good progress in your psych appointment.

Workaholics like your co-editor have issues of their own. Hiding from life, trying to show the bosses how valuable he is, low self esteem, all sorts of issues.

At least you have the courage to acknowledge the problem and deal with it. That is a very good sign.
Anna S.: rodney-turtleeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
Workaholics like your co-editor have issues of their own. Hiding from life, trying to show the bosses how valuable he is, low self esteem, all sorts of issues.

Yeah, man--like he has things to *prove*. As if he wants a good performance review or something! Damn the man. ;)

*hugs*
Jane Bluestockingj_bluestocking on November 2nd, 2005 09:27 pm (UTC)
I have no great wisdom, but I'm glad you took the step to take care of yourself and call for the appointment. I wish you were coming with me to look at trees. If/when you come visit in December, I will bring you breakfast in bed and take you to a winter wonderland where people dress with dramatic elegance and live to entertain you.
Anna S.: rateliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)
I wish you were coming with me to look at trees.

Me too! I hope you have enormous fun. I long to get back to New England someday, if only to visit.

If/when you come visit in December,

I really hope to!

I will bring you breakfast in bed and take you to a winter wonderland where people dress with dramatic elegance and live to entertain you.

So cool. :) I need to tell you about my new breakfast ritual sometime too.

Oh, and go look at Kest's Scotland pictures if you haven't already--speaking of gorgeous landscapes.

*hugs*
Laura Shapirolaurashapiro on November 2nd, 2005 09:27 pm (UTC)
I love you.
Anna S.: cat_chickeneliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)
I love you too. And give you the icon of love.
(no subject) - laurashapiro on November 3rd, 2005 06:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - eliade on November 3rd, 2005 11:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - laurashapiro on November 3rd, 2005 11:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Explicit Adult Content? You're soaking in it!: yin mcshep prayer handsyin_again on November 2nd, 2005 09:29 pm (UTC)
Good for you for making the appointment - sometimes doing that is really, really hard. *hugs*
Anna S.: puppy-eyeseliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie. :)
Pamgoosegirl9 on November 2nd, 2005 09:36 pm (UTC)
Eh, he has no life. You, on the other hand, realized that something is not working, and made the appointment. I hope things improve for you. :cares:
Anna S.: harry-pottereliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
Eh, he has no life.

He does have a wife and kids...come to think, you're probably right.

*pulls your Snape into a hug, horrifying him*
eaceac on November 2nd, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)
Just in case saying this helps at all (I know it may not; I have my block of wood moments, too):

You are ENTITLED to have lunch and sleep and mornings and food and a life. You are not obliged to work extra hours all the time as if that's the only thing you are. In the end, your job is your JOB, not your entire life. That's the whole point of it being a job.

Do not let his mismanagement of his own life make you feel guilty.

Also, mad props for calling and making an appointment.
Anna S.: nebulaeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:19 pm (UTC)
Also, mad props for calling and making an appointment.

Thank you! :) *nggghugs* ("Nggg" being the squished noise I make during hugs, I suspect.)
Poshykittyposhcat on November 2nd, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
Good for you for calling. I know it's like walking through wet cement, but one step at a time, baby.

The guy would probably work less if you drugged his coffee with valium. Just saying.

::carves this out of you::
Anna S.: jack oneilleliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
::carves this out of you::

You have a gift for being...uniquely affectionate. *grin* You make me happy, pretty poshgirl!

*pets you and plays with your ears*
girlguidejonesgirlguidejones on November 2nd, 2005 10:07 pm (UTC)
Uhhh...I used to be one of those people who worked All the Damned Time. And then I grew up and got a life. Sounds like you already have one, and take steps when needed to make it better. Good on ya.
Anna S.: sunseteliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:19 pm (UTC)
And then I grew up and got a life.

I look forward to this someday! :)
all work and no playhesychasm on November 2nd, 2005 10:08 pm (UTC)
Support support support! I give you so much support you could fashion a push-up bra out of it. *hugs*
Anna S.: john-sultryeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC)
I give you so much support you could fashion a push-up bra out of it.

And I've done so. The underwire poked my breasts but I know it is the Underwire of Love, and so I bear it proudly. Also it has lace.
Zoë Rayne: cartoonmez_rayne on November 2nd, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

What everyone else said. *g*
Anna S.: kitteneliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks, sweetie! :) *squishy embrace*
julia_herejulia_here on November 2nd, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
I'm married to a workaholic; he was easier to live with when he was a pothead, because he was just as flaming useless around the house then but he was occassionally in a good mood, and didn't feel justified when he was in a bad one.

It's the second of November in Western Washington; the zietgeist alone is sufficient to make most people blue.

Julia, recovering from the inhalation of a t least two grams of little white fruit flies
Anna S.: daniel-stunningeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC)
Julia, recovering from the inhalation of a t least two grams of little white fruit flies

Oh god, are they those tiny things that flit around when you leave a tomato out on the counter? They're plaguing me! I wish I still had my housefly icon for this moment.

*thanking you with fruit*
Bone: Alpha Hugthisisbone on November 2nd, 2005 10:48 pm (UTC)
Ronon loves you, too. :)
Anna S.: rononeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
With a manly love. Mmm. The love of a taciturn man. Where have I heard that phrase... *hugs*
ex_dovil323 on November 2nd, 2005 10:49 pm (UTC)
You have wise people on your flist and they've already said what I would have said. So instead I offer you a bouquet of puppies.
Anna S.: puppy-eyeseliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:23 pm (UTC)
So instead I offer you a bouquet of puppies.

Thank god you didn't say poppies! Because then I'd have misread it for "puppies."

Your analrapist icon keeps making me giggle.
(Deleted comment)
Anna S.: rateliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:24 pm (UTC)
*hugs back*
Sylvike: Girl on Stepfishsanwitt on November 2nd, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
I'm rooting for you. Hang in there and good for you for calling :)
Anna S.: kitteneliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :) You know it occurs to me I've always wondered what your ljname means and never asked. Does it mean fish sandwich? Probably...not. Heh.
(no subject) - fishsanwitt on November 3rd, 2005 06:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Trepkos: Consolation by Angstpuppytrepkos on November 3rd, 2005 12:24 am (UTC)
*rooting for you*
Anna S.: tas-devileliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:23 pm (UTC)
I have roots! I am a tree! Or possibly an elk.
Pouncer: Fight Crime!thepouncer on November 3rd, 2005 12:50 am (UTC)
Good for you for taking action. I hope your appointment is fruitful.

And never feel guilty for enforcing limits on work. NEVER!!!!

*hugs*
Anna S.: rononeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:25 pm (UTC)
And never feel guilty for enforcing limits on work. NEVER!!!!

New limit: two hours of work a day. No more, no less. She said firmly...
cindershadow on November 3rd, 2005 12:51 am (UTC)
When my first real adult job fell apart underneath me 20 years ago, I came to understand that living for the job is just dumb . . . because you can't control it and someone can take it away from you or make it horrible. So pity that poor schmuck.

I think the hardest thing about depression is trying to remember that one actually can feel better. You are so strong to be reaching out for help, and I hope you find what works for you. You are so immensely talented and give so much joy and solace and delight to absolute strangers; if there is such a thing as karma, you've got tons banked--now to figure out a way to make a withdrawal and spend some on yourself!
Anna S.: joe-flaniganeliade on November 3rd, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC)
So pity that poor schmuck.

I pity the fool!

I think the hardest thing about depression is trying to remember that one actually can feel better.

Yeah. Or just moving. ;)

You are so immensely talented and give so much joy and solace and delight to absolute strangers; if there is such a thing as karma, you've got tons banked

That's sweet. I rarely feel like that, so thank you. *hugs*