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26 August 2005 @ 12:10 pm
I am actually working! ...in some alternate universe.  
Cracked icon pairing meme, continued:
Billy Brennan / Alessandro Nivola in Jurassic Park III + Blair Sandburg / The Sentinel


Billy is a paleontologist, and possibly a grad student. Blair is an anthropologist, and the epitome of grad students. A while ago, Billy left his lover, The Older Paleontologist, Dr. Alan Grant, having become fed up with his antisocial, curt, dour, taciturn, and uncommunicative demeanor, and also his habit of scraping every last bit of peanut butter and mayo and jelly from the jar, very loudly at the breakfast table with pointed and passive-aggressive frugality.

Billy and Blair meet at some paleoanthropological conference on australopithecine sentinels. After Blair nervously presents his paper to lukewarm applause, he's asked sharp, intimidating questions about his public confession to dissertation fraud, which has forever branded him a charlatan in most people's minds. Fleeing the stage after the first few of these, he heads straight to the bar and hides in a booth with a beer and wonders why he even let his old professor talk him into coming, and gets melancholy and rather bitter as he thinks about Jim's marriage to Megan, and all the hot gay sex they never had.

And then Billy comes over, all smiles, and sits down and is incredibly friendly and nonjudgmental. They talk about sentinels and velociraptors and dissertation horror stories, and Billy has a funny anecdote involving marmots and a collapsing tent, and they both get rather drunk, until they're suddenly swapping complaints about clam-mouthed, emotionally repressed men, and bonding in fuzzy mutual goodwill. They head up to Blair's room when the bar closes, and wind up lying sleepily on the bed next to each other, Billy's eyes closing as Blair prattles on, and then Billy rolls onto his side and kisses him, and there's a lot of tongue, and then hot gay sex.

The next morning they're both hung-over and sloppily dressed, but they have breakfast and exchange phone numbers, and once in a while they visit each other and have more hot gay sex, until Blair settles down with a tight-lipped ex-Special Forces officer turned highway patrolman, and Billy somehow ends up in Borneo and moves in with a river-boat captain who wears wifebeaters and gives head incredibly well. And they all live happily ever after.