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22 April 2005 @ 09:44 am
Well.  
At work I just got my yearly performance review and I got the highest score possible--4 out of 5. Which is the highest because the 5 is only a theoretical score. No one ever actually gets a 5, we've been assured. *eye roll* Because HR's paperwork is lagging behind, I won't learn more about possible compensation until next week. No raise--not so soon after getting a pay bump for this new position--but there might be some stocks in the offing. I've also heard rumors of bonuses for the first time this year, but I'll believe that when pigs flutter delicately by my six-story window I see it.

I really feel not at all deserving of this review score and will now anxiously try to live up to it by yanking my boots out of the muck of procrastination and chivvying my bleating project-sheep up the hill of my--oh my god the analogy is out of control!

Those vitamin supplements: I've been taking them all week. I have an impression of being more focused and alert during the day, but in the evenings I still slow down more than I'd like and I still wake up feeling drained. Will continue to report progress.

sherrold_ish further fed my Jack/Vaughn fantasies last night, giving them an even hurtier-comfortier twist. I told her that what I expected to be a one-day wonder of a pairing had turned into a one-week wonder and it was all! her! fault!

For which I thank her, because the sex-soaked interior walls of my head amuse and content me.

Where is that "focus" thing? I had it a moment ago...*looks around*.

ETA: Image of the day.
 
 
 
eaceac on April 22nd, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC)
I really feel not at all deserving of this review score

Er, did you even take a minute to feel good that someone else appreciated your work? :)
Anna S.eliade on April 22nd, 2005 04:53 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm relieved! I swear. *g* But like many yuppies and quasiyuppies I always feel like something of a fraud. And, objectively, probably am, four days out of five. So I'm getting scored only for that fifth day! Well. Works for me. ;)
eaceac on April 22nd, 2005 04:55 pm (UTC)
I'm a fraud, too. I completely understand. :)
Princess Strokenham: U2 - disco ballfiveandfour on April 22nd, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC)
"the 5 is only a theoretical score"

This is just like a quote from one of my performance reviews! For a second there I almost thought we must be working for the same people. :).
Anna S.: will tippineliade on April 22nd, 2005 04:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, do you work for the CIA too?! :D
par avionpar_avion on April 22nd, 2005 04:57 pm (UTC)
I got a glowing perfomrance review once where my boss said "If I say anything else nice about you, they're going to think we're having an affair!"
Anna S.: spandereliade on April 22nd, 2005 05:01 pm (UTC)
Were you both naked at the time? Because that can raise eyebrows too.
par avionpar_avion on April 23rd, 2005 02:40 pm (UTC)
Hee. No. It's not Naked News.
Trepkostrepkos on April 22nd, 2005 04:59 pm (UTC)
What kind of wallpaper do you have on the sex-soaked interior walls of your head?
It's not red and gold flock, is it?
Anna S.: spike_femmeeliade on April 22nd, 2005 05:00 pm (UTC)
My head is rarely flocked, you know?
Trepkos: Not a slut by catvampcrazinestrepkos on April 22nd, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
For which your acolytes and minions are most grateful!
Kasskassrachel on April 22nd, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)
Image of the day -- bwee!!!
Anna S.eliade on April 22nd, 2005 06:37 pm (UTC)
Isn't it adorable? *g*
Herself_nycherself_nyc on April 22nd, 2005 06:08 pm (UTC)
Congrats on the good review!

Re: your dragginess, I ask purely in the spirit of being helpful, how much sugar do you eat in an average day, and when do you tend to eat it? Sugar REALLY clobbers you. I speak from recent vivid experience--since my surgery I'm very aware of the immediate effect on my system of eating sugar in a way I never was aware before. I wouldn't advise you to abstain from it altogether because it's an important pleasure in life, but you might think about limiting it to times when you don't need to be alert/awake.

I also think it's helpful to eat a predominantly protein breakfast, and protein with every meal. A meal that's all carbs even if they're whole grainy sorts of carbs will tend to make you feel tired.
Anna S.eliade on April 22nd, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
Yes! I've been really trying to focus on sugars/carbs more aggressively--and like you I've been becoming more aware of my intake and the effects.

Where do you get your breakfast protein?
Herself_nycherself_nyc on April 22nd, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)
Well, I start each day with a protein shake, which is something WLS people do. But then I have bacon & a scrambled egg for breakfast every day, with a slice of toast that I sometimes only nibble and sometimes eat all of. I get this at the good greasy spoon near my apt.
Trepkostrepkos on April 22nd, 2005 07:29 pm (UTC)
I have to say, I started every day, as a child, with a cooked, proteiny breakfast - not a huge one (bacon and sausage, or gacon and egg etc.) and I became an overweight child who was always hungry by morning break time.
Now I start the day with cereal (Jordans) and can go all morning without feeling hungry. And am no longer overweight, incidentally.
But I guess different things work for different people.
Herself_nycherself_nyc on April 22nd, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
That proves nothing. As a child I ate cereal and milk for breakfast every day and went on to be obese.
Trepkos: Nerd by Bliss_vtrepkos on April 22nd, 2005 07:39 pm (UTC)
...well, I did say different things work for different people - and I suppose the fact that my breakfasts were cooked in lard can't have helped much!!
(And my mum was a nurse...what was she thinking?)
saussy: Nicky7spoons on April 22nd, 2005 06:47 pm (UTC)
Bleating project-sheep made me laugh. Hee. :)
Anna S.eliade on April 22nd, 2005 08:42 pm (UTC)
*baaaaaaaa!*

*butts you with sheep nose*
wenchseniorwenchsenior on April 22nd, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC)
What herself_nyc said!
First, congrats on the raise! And re: feeling like a fraud - hell, most of the workforce does at one time or another! Take at least 5 minutes to bask in your achievement. Remember, even if you think you could do more, you are still doing well in comparison to everyone you're being judged against.

Second, listen to Herself_NYC. Don't give up the carbs completely, just eat complex carbs. If it's white, shun it like the plague. Eat whole-grain bread and pasta, or whole oatmeal (not instant). Don't eat potatoes except for small amounts, preferably of the little waxy kinds. If you can't handle brown rice (like me) eat only small amounts of white.

Carb portions at every meal should equal approx. 1/2 - 1 cup and ALWAYS pair them with protein and/or something with fat (preferably monosaturated). Simple carbs cause your blood sugar to peak and crash too fast so you get sleepy, mentally dull, and hungry.

Lest I sound like a drill sergeant - I still eat unhealthy stuff, just in very small amounts. The problem is making the shift in eating habits, and then making it stick permanently. I found it easiest to go cold turkey off all carbs and sugar for 1 month, and then gradually add small amounts back into my diet. That can help re-set both your tastebuds and your body's ability to process carbs.

Also, if your blood sugar is unstable you will be more prone to drink. Many studies have shown this link. I have definite alcoholic tendecies. Like you, I tend to drink (alone) when bored, especially when I watch a movie/tv show I love, because I like that mellow buzz. But I can control that habit.

The cravings I get when I'm having a bad blood sugar crash, on the other hand, are more physiological. Before I changed my diet I'd wake up in the middle of the night, shaking with adrenaline, heart pounding, starving, mentally freaked, and CRAVING the Bushmills. Of course, my body was actually craving SUGAR like a diabetic does, and alcohol worked great because not only did the sugar absorb fast, but its depressent effect would stop my racing heart and shaking faster than a glass of orange juice. (Of course, a few hours later my blood sugar would crash again and it would start over). I drank 2-3 shots of hard liquor every night when that was happening, which was practically every night. Not including the 2 glasses of wine at dinner. I weigh 115 llbs. It was not a good scene.

I don't expect you are experiencing anything that extreme, but cutting carbs may help you control the urge to drink, too.

Ramble ramble ramble.

Tracy
Anna S.eliade on April 22nd, 2005 08:42 pm (UTC)
Re: What herself_nyc said!
I found it easiest to go cold turkey off all carbs and sugar for 1 month, and then gradually add small amounts back into my diet. That can help re-set both your tastebuds and your body's ability to process carbs.

That is a very interesting idea--I think a friend of mine's nutritional fitness plan was based on that idea of cutting things out and progressively adding them back in. I will try to get some more info on this and talk to my trainer about it.

I don't expect you are experiencing anything that extreme, but cutting carbs may help you control the urge to drink, too.

Also very interesting. I haven't felt like drinking in over a week and don't know that I can link it to any specific dietary adjustments, but I'd like to sustain that feeling. :)
(Deleted comment)
Anna S.eliade on April 22nd, 2005 08:56 pm (UTC)
I've wondered that. My psych guy was moving toward the idea of having me do a sleep study for various reasons, and that may still be an option. :)
Sylvikefishsanwitt on April 22nd, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
Congratulations :)
Destinadestina on April 23rd, 2005 07:40 pm (UTC)
Congrats on the review! I am sure you *are* deserving. :D