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20 March 2005 @ 12:38 pm
The things of my weekend.  
I went downtown this morning and had a crumpet with cream cheese, cucumber, and onion, then accomplished a goal of finding two great but inexpensive sweaters--having thrown away some of the threadbare dreck in my closet--original retail $100, priced down to $20 for the pair. I spent $25 and gave $3 to the homeless. I decided I'm going to try to tithe 10% of whatever I spend shopping to the homeless. We have a 8.8% sales tax in WA, but still. I'm talking about clothes and stuff, of course; not food.

Finished S1 of Alias and am entering S2. It's so easy to rewatch--it's like really good fanfic. I think one of my favorite moments in TV is when Will, beaten and bloody, walks up to Jack. I always have a moment of thinking he's going to punch Jack. And instead he walks right into him and hugs him and says thank-you with such heartfelt gratitude that my eyes tear up. He's such a great character.

Made chocolate-chip cookies last night, just because I wanted to make cookies. I ate a few and boxed the rest for coworkers. Nestle's toll-house cookies are best in their making, especially the dough. Once they're done, they fall a little flat.

And yay, I finally hooked up again with my physical trainer and am going down to the new gym at four, to meet her and to start my membership. Very expensive, it's going to eat into my raise and I'm going to have to significantly reduce my sessions with her. On the upside, the gym is better, and has classes such as Pilates, which will supplement training. It's been over two months since I've trained--even worked out really. I'm achingly keen to get back on track. Winter is sucky and draining for some things.

Money is much on my mind. I've already started cutting back on eating out, which has always taken a big toll on my wallet. Last week was my first go at regularly eating breakfast at home and bringing lunch. (I know.) It was pretty successful, actually, and I'm going to fiercely buckle down.



I had a few really bad drinking nights last week, alternating with dry days. Mostly dry on the whole, and I've gotten through the weekend as well, coasting through on a wave of vague blahness.

I looked into Rational Recovery online. Weird. I walked through their mental reconditioning plan, full of odd guided imagery--imagine that you have this beast within you that wants to drink, etc. ("Your beast is grateful; your beast wants a place to mingle with other beasts.") Very much a Jossian vampiric metaphor, carried to extremes. Which I did find quite engaging and interesting, though not in the way I think they intended. Oh well.

Those are my thoughts of the day. Except to say that you should try eating big fat juicy oranges with little bits of Hershey's chocolate, because it's awesome.
 
 
 
Trepkostrepkos on March 20th, 2005 09:16 pm (UTC)
Sounds like some excellent ideas - if everyone did the tithe thing, well, that would be good.
Hope the gym session went well.
Winter - maybe you need one of those sunlight things like estepheia mentioned.
I always read some porn while eating breakfast - it goes down better...
This beast sounds interesting - so, are you supposed to appease the beast in other ways?
Sounds like you are making progress.
Anna S.eliade on March 20th, 2005 10:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks, sweetie. *squeeze*
Trepkostrepkos on March 20th, 2005 10:12 pm (UTC)
I like being squoze.
Jane Bluestockingj_bluestocking on March 20th, 2005 09:48 pm (UTC)
Yes, what's up with the beast? If you starve it of drink, don't you end up with a beast who's a lot like one of those neglected dogs tied up in some one's yard, with matted fur and a look of misery in their eyes? That picture doesn't seem conducive to a healthy self-image.

I'm fond of archetypal imagery -- I just like to know where it's going.
Anna S.eliade on March 20th, 2005 10:01 pm (UTC)
I was only skim-reading so I'm not sure if the beast is supposed to eventually starve to death or not. The whole key of their program is the idea that you simply say "never." I will NEVER drink again, etc. And that seems to be pretty much it. Their claim is that 12-step programs train you to think in terms of one-day-at-a-time and relapses, which will make you fail. Which I can see their point, but...I don't know. I think there needs to be some kind of recovery program aimed at people who fall into the bucket of "Too Intelligent for Your Own Good"--people who aren't very susceptible to unsubtle messages. I suppose that could be considered therapy except that you can't call your therapist at eight at night to meet so that you can avoid binging.

This is a bit lengthy reply-wise, isn't it? Sorry. *g*
Dammit, Clark's penis is going in *something*.: Anissa drops. (Livia)thete1 on March 20th, 2005 09:57 pm (UTC)
... beasts? Honestly, it makes me wanna write a story about the various societies of addiction beasts, their triumphs and tragedies, their ironies and such. And. I. Yeah, I'm not sure if I'd get anything I was *supposed* to out of that.

... though I might get a cool story!
Anna S.: jm-shorneliade on March 20th, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
I have for a *long* time wanted to do a story where Spike's in "recovery" and goes to 12-step meetings, either pretending to have a normal "drinking" problem, or actually going to a recovery group for vampires. It's such a great concept though that I wanted to be the first and/or only one to ever write it--and I suspect others have done so by now. *g*
Trepkostrepkos on March 20th, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC)
Sorry to tell you that Terry Pratchett's Discworld has vampires who join an vamp. equivalent to AA. Still, they're comedy vampires.
And its totally OK to pinch ideas, because hey, have you seen how many ideas from "Third Rock from the Sun" crop up in BtVS? Bloody loads!
Dammit, Clark's penis is going in *something*.: Clark. So. HOT. (Livia)thete1 on March 20th, 2005 10:21 pm (UTC)
Yes, but yours would be BETTER. :D
Anna S.: spikeeliade on March 20th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
You're sweet. I may someday do it! :)
the_shoshannathe_shoshanna on March 20th, 2005 10:54 pm (UTC)
There was a Forever Knight episode--one of the better ones, really--in which Nick Knight got involved with a twelve-step group and it did in fact help him; he went days without drinking blood, and actually ate human food. ("French fries. With lots of ketchup!") Unfortunately,

the villain-of-the-week turned out to be his sponsor, which pretty much put him off the idea.

"Hi, my name is Nick, and I'm an addict." "Hi, Nick."
Laura Stone: Animerotic Giraffes are HAWTstoney321 on March 20th, 2005 10:48 pm (UTC)
I'm thinking about your comment on cookies. They ARE at their best fresh from the oven, and then... meh.

I usually make a double batch, make the balls, freeze them, then pop a few on a cookie sheet for instant gratification. Tack on 2 minutes to the cooking time.

I love orange and chocolate. Mmm.
namastenancynamastenancy on March 20th, 2005 11:26 pm (UTC)


Have you ever looked at the simple living forums on line? They've have a great site with tons of posts about all aspects of frugal living.

Good luck on taming the drinking beast. I appreciate that you share that with us but I never have anything useful to say. My beast is food and while I've tamed it a bit (lost 35 pounds), I need to lose 65 more and the beast has dug in it's heels and refuses to move. But a minor addiction to food is nowhere as serious as drink.

namaste SF Nancy
sur lies: Rufussur_lies on March 21st, 2005 04:42 am (UTC)
Now, you don't know me at all, and mostly I just read your incredible stories, but after learning that we have this one small bit in common I took the liberty of posting a response to your intemperate thoughts. Delete and/or ignore at your will.

As a heavy drinker I can empathise with your conrundrum - is drinking a beast to tame? Is it weakness? Is it trying to dissolve pain? Your drinking sounds a lot like mine - which is fairly heavy on the weekends, usually one night a week too - but I decided that I am sooo not the average 12-stepper, I don't need to blame anything or anyone else for drinking (least of all a lack of control) and I tell myself that 'tonight is just not a wine night' and that's that. But I absolutely refuse to say 'I will never drink again' because that's just stupid. I like wine, I like it a lot, I like the buzz and I love to sit and think deep thoughts while sipping several glasses but I don't need it all the time. Sometimes I just sit and brood with Beethoven and Beethoven alone. And believe me I have lots to brood about.

Taking or gaining control of this one aspect of your life is not taming a beast or surrendering to a higher power. It's deciding on timing. You are the higher power. But I honestly think that as long as you have more dry days than buzzed days and can stay employed and committed to the gym, you will be fine. You ARE fine.

Orange and chocolate is also fine.
rubywisprubywisp on March 21st, 2005 07:35 am (UTC)
I fling kisses your way!
Anna S.: jm-shorneliade on March 21st, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
Arghnh! Arggh! My EYE!

(hee)

How are you today? *kiss*
rubywisp: james and amber love your smile by larrubywisp on March 21st, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
Other than very regretful about your eye, quite fine, thank you. Hungry; I need to go grocery shopping today, so of course there's nothing in the house to eat. Or nothing I want to eat, anyway.

I need to dance. And find someone to keep me supplied with homemade bruschetta.

I feel very pink today. Whee, fuschia! (Although I'm wearing a coral blouse. Too bad!)

How are you?

::smooches you carefully::
Pamgoosegirl9 on March 21st, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, orange and chocolate. I may have to try that.

Exercise helps almost everything. I'm glad you are continuing the good fight.

Food is my weakness. I weighed in at 216 last week, and finally had to try to stop the madness. I started (half-assed) following the Weight Watchers plan this weekend. Again. I have actually thought of having the surgery, but it seems kind of like giving up, you know? I know I won't win this war, but I won't give up on me. I've lost almost 2 pounds.

See, I can quit anything. I have an addictive personality, but quitting is easy for me - except my fanfiction habit!

I quit barbituates (taken for 7 years for seizures), then drinking (migraines for about three weeks), then smoking (this was tougher). For a while I traded addictions, which is why the long list. What is hard (for me) is doing something in moderation that I want in immoderate quantities.

:hugs to a comrade in arms: