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13 August 2003 @ 03:41 pm
wad. of. gum.  
That's me. A wad of chewed-up, stiffening gum hiding out on the underside of a chair where it's cool and no one can see me. Also? My brain is about the size of that gum today. No span of le attention. At all.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay.

Buffy: "You're going to be a what?"

Angel: "A lumberjack."

Buffy: "Is this some ancient Irish dream I didn't know you had?"

Angel: "I need a career change. But I still get to carry an ax."

Buffy: "But what about fighting evil? You're a champion, Angel. A lot of people count on you. Plus, don't forget, there's that whole prophecy thing."

Angel: "Apparently 'shanshu' can also mean, 'to chop wood'."

Buffy: "And you still have faith in Wesley's translations?"

Angel: "A new edition of the Proto-Bantu dictionary came out. Threw a lot of prophecies out of whack. By the way, you might not want to leave the house next Thursday. Something about rain, eels. I didn't catch all the details--"

Buffy: "Angel! Focus. What do you even *know* about lumberjacking? You've never even studied...trees."

Angel: "I contemplated a fir once."

Buffy: "And now you want to chop its harmless neck."

Angel: "Not all trees are harmless. I've met some biters."

Buffy: "You realize they're going to make you wear plaid? I'm pretty sure that's obligatory."

Angel: "Plaid? That's...disturbing. No one told me that."

Buffy: "And denim. Lots of denim. Oh, and boots! With cleats."

Angel, pensively: "This is starting to sound kind of gay."

Buffy: "Right, and fighting evil, so *not* gay. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Except you, not gay. ... Right?"

Angel: "Not recently. Of course, Cordelia once had this idea to outfit us all in spandex. Tights. Capes."

Buffy: "Mental image."

Angel: "Yellow."

Buffy: "Bad mental image. How'd you talk her out of it?"

Angel: "Gunn shot her. It was just a Nerf gun, but--"

Buffy: "Angel, please tell me you're not going to lumber off and jack up trees and--and wear plaid and live off squirrel's blood!"

Angel: "I guess I could rethink the career change."

Buffy: "Thank you."

Angel, musing: "I mean, there's always lion-taming."
 
 
imation23 on August 13th, 2003 03:42 pm (UTC)
That was funny. Bizarre, but funny. Hee!
vi, miss vylit if you're nastyvylit on August 13th, 2003 03:46 pm (UTC)
Oh my god. If the fic had been like this, I *so* would've finished it. My sides hurt from laughing. That's beautiful.
Circe: johnnycirce_tigana on August 13th, 2003 03:51 pm (UTC)
For me it was the living off of squirrel's blood line.

BWAH! :)

It was the silk pajama pants Spike was wearing wasn't it? They've driven him round that Python-shaped bend...
Katie M.katie_m on August 13th, 2003 03:51 pm (UTC)
Oh, that improved my day a hundredfold. Thank you.
diva_stardust on August 13th, 2003 03:57 pm (UTC)
That was hilarious! I predict that lumberjack fics are going to be the wave of the future. Hopefully he's wearing one of those hats with the little flaps, too.
A carbonated fusion beverage!swmbo on August 13th, 2003 04:18 pm (UTC)
Apparently 'shanshu' can also mean, 'to chop wood'..."A new edition of the Proto-Bantu dictionary

Oh darn those demonic languages. *laughs helplessly* This was just...lovely.
Homeboys in Atmospheric Space: Club!Brian (sihaya09)noshootingstars on August 13th, 2003 05:12 pm (UTC)
Bwah! How is it that when your brain is the size of a wad of gum you can still post a clever dialogue spoof? I'm guessing most of the human population must have brains about the size of a sunflower seed.

Angel: "Plaid? That's...disturbing. No one told me that."

Not to mention all the wood flying around. ;)
bespectacled abracadabra & metaphoric whoopeekita0610 on August 13th, 2003 05:19 pm (UTC)
There is simply NO end to my love for you.
Angelvalarltd on August 13th, 2003 05:42 pm (UTC)
lumber off to jack up trees

Still giggling, me.
sisabet: get some by mesisabet on August 13th, 2003 06:44 pm (UTC)
Thank you. That was very me-happy-inducing.
Herself_nycherself_nyc on August 13th, 2003 07:12 pm (UTC)
Hilarious. Thank you.

Hee.
Darcy: thumbwardarcydodo on August 13th, 2003 08:27 pm (UTC)
I weep. I weep with sheer joy. I bow to your blessed brilliance. Tee! Tee hee! *goes off cackling like a drunken maniac*
Trog: menlovingmenminitrog on August 13th, 2003 09:00 pm (UTC)
"And denim. Lots of denim. Oh, and boots! With cleats."

I *love* her. That is just *so* sharonandtracy of her.

coolio.
Mintwitchmintwitch on August 13th, 2003 09:49 pm (UTC)
bwahahahahahaaaa! This may be the funniest thing I've read in days.

Oh, and I finally read the most recent installment in the Sidelines-verse and couldn't believe I'd missed it. I live in a cave, I swear. And it was lovely, and perky, and perfect, and now I cannot wait to see if you write more in that universe. Sigh. You push really good crack, and I am such a whore. Um, that came out more like a come on than I'd intended. Okay. Well. Off to the zoo to play with the hyenas.

I'm such a fangeek.
The artist soon to be known as happydorkforeverdirt on August 18th, 2003 09:39 am (UTC)
*Cries with laughter*

"I mean, there's always lion-taming."

Has he got a hat? A lion taming hat? A hat with "lion tamer" on it from Harrods that lights up so you can tame them after dark when they're less stroppy?
ari's fanfic recommendationsari_recs on August 22nd, 2003 01:08 am (UTC)
I think I hurt something. This is wonderful. *g*
(Anonymous) on January 21st, 2004 05:23 pm (UTC)
I'm laughing like...like.... hell!!! :-)

Angel, pensively: "This is starting to sound kind of gay."

Buffy: "Right, and fighting evil, so *not* gay. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Except you, not gay. ... Right?"

P.S I love Angel, he is SO,SO,SO,SO,SO,SO,SO,SSSOOO, HOT !!!!!!!!!!
P.S.S I love Spike, he is SO,SO,SO,SO,SO,SO,SO,SSSOOO, HOT too!!!!!!!!!!
dodyskin on May 24th, 2004 05:43 am (UTC)
You are an extremely odd woman. This is an extremely odd ficlet. I love it; I think I love you.
dismountdis_mount on November 18th, 2005 03:40 am (UTC)
"lumber off and jack up trees and--and wear plaid and live off squirrel's blood"

Hee hee.
bluepuppy on December 19th, 2005 12:00 am (UTC)
"I contemplated a fir once."

And a classic is born.